Man Down.

Baby Got Back Problems.

Baby Got Back Problems.

Huge news stories flying everywhere today.  The Red Sox have apparently acquired Adam LaRoche.  I’m trying to think of a way to describe Adam LaRoche.  He’s like Mark Grace, minus a hit a week and the filthy mouth.  The Red Sox are officially out of first place, and only 3.5 games ahead of Tampa…so I guess it’s about time to do something.  Too bad they don’t play in the NL East.

Lance Armstrong isn’t going to win the Tour of France unless a couple guys bike off cliffs, or he takes some of Lenny Dykstra’s “special vitamins”.  Finishing 3rd in the Tour of France is kind of like finishing 3783th in the Tour of France, no?

The real story of the afternoon, though, is that Fred is down.  Again.  I was playing it cool this week.  I knew Fred was in the field for the Canadian Open, and he’d had some good finishes this year, played decent at Glen Abbey last year, but I didn’t want to get ahead of myself.  Ok, I was thinking top-ten, but I didn’t say it..yet.  Well, Monday during Mike Weir’s charity event before the tourney Fred bent down to pick his ball up out of the hole, and poof…no more back. 

Fred pulled out of today’s pro-am, and then early today he was officially removed from the field.  Hard to say what this means for the rest of the season.  Fred has to captain the President’s Cup team, and I’m sure he’s going to want to be on his feet for that, so I could see him just shutting it down.  If it’s not too severe of a tweak, maybe he plays a time or two, just to check in on some potential Captain’s picks. 

Has to be frustrating for the man to have something so innocuous put him out of commission for an extended period of time.  I mean, are these legal on Tour?  How many have been sent to Freddie I wonder.  Fred’s absence makes the Canadian Open all but unwatchable.  They need to get this event a better spot on the schedule, and a better field.  Long John is playing, though.  Maybe he can save the TV ratings.

What The Bleep is the UFL?

The UFL Will be What we Thought it Was.

The UFL Will be What we Thought it Was.

I read this story yesterday that J.P. Losman signed with the Las Vegas (TBD’s) of the UFL.  I vaguely remember hearing about the UFL before, but I think I kept getting it mixed up with the start-up Lingerie Football League.  Frankly, the latter has gotten more press.  So, I had to do some investigating to find out what exactly this UFL thing was.  It seems, without question, to be a terrible idea.  The official website www.ufl-football.com  provides some answers, but some questions as well.

They’ve got four teams.  That’s 1, 2, 3, four teams.  Vegas, Orlando, New York, and San Francisco.  Interesting choices.  Two cities that already have two pro teams, the black hole that is Orlando, and Vegas baby, Vegas.  I guess everyone plays each other twice?  Six game season?  It’s hard to find concrete details.  I know the teams don’t have names yet.  My guesses:

Las Vegas Gamblers

Orlando Gators

San Francisco Earthquakes

New York Mets

What do you think?  The funny thing is that they’ve got these ex-NFL coaches to run the teams, and they’re marketing themselves as a minor-league for the NFL.  They’re going to play on Thursday nights during the NFL season.  They’ll certainly get the degenerate gambling market.  It’s a long wait from Monday to Sunday.  It’ll be nice to have a little something to throw some action on.  Plus we have the press conference potential of Dennis Green, Jim Haslett, Ted Cotrell, and Jim Fassell…who will be guiding J.P Losman in Vegas.  Hey, he saved Kerry Collins’s career.

I honestly don’t know a single other player that is in this league.  I heard Michael Vick’s name floated around, and that seems like a logical solution to his problem.  I’m looking forward to UFL Bowl 1 on Thanksgiving weekend.  Vick vs. Losman.   David Terrell vs. Kelley Washington.  Lawrence Phillips vs. Cedric Benson.  The list could go on and on. 

I don’t know what the UFL is going to pay these guys, but I don’t see how they expect to make money.  Not in this economy.  The Arena League, which granted is not real football, but still had a nice niche following has cancelled the 2009 season.  This seems like a precursor to folding completely.  Other gimmick leagues like the XFL had no chance, and the UFL is saying they are different by not having a gimmick.  It’s just football, baby.  Well guess what?  You need something. 

Who is going to watch this crap besides J.P. Losman’s parents?  You’re marketing a known inferior product.  You think Bills fans want to watch J.P. Losman play?  They hate the guy.  If people love football so much they can go check out a high school game or something.  As much as I want to see this fail immediately…maybe they should at least have a second season.  Then Tim Tebow will have a place to play.  The starting quarterback…for the Orlando Gators….Tim Tebow!

The UFL should probably hire me to do marketing.  That’s gold right there.