Erin Andrews now “Oprah Famous”

 

Wait, is Oprah still a big Deal?

Wait, is Oprah still a big Deal?

 

 

I know back in the day you wanted Oprah to pick your book.  It was like winning the lottery.  Even if you quasi made up the thing like James Frey…sales are sales.  Erin Andrews taped an Oprah episode today to discuss her now infamous hotel peephole video.  Some character managed to get a video of a nude Andrews in her hotel room, and then put it on the inter-web.  That’s what happens to those tapes of good looking women.  From what I’ve heard, the quality of the Andrews video wasn’t too good.  Anyway, Andrews is playing the outraged card, and I guess now she’s talking to the big O about it.  I’m sure Andrews is legitimately upset about it.  That’s what I’m supposed to say right?

Sideline reporting is a cutthroat game.  You have to keep it fresh, keep your face out there.  How many communications majors is the country cranking out every year?  Being good at the job helps, being incredibly well known and popular helps more.  We’re in the all publicity is good era.  That’s all I’m saying.  Erin Andrews doesn’t want to be the next Melissa Stark.  What happened to that chick?  MSNBC…oh right.  Yeah, that’s comparable to Monday Night Football.  Melissa “cautionary tale” Stark.  I hope Oprah got to the bottom of this.  I think it airs in a couple weeks.  The peephole video still airs in the dark corners of the internet.

Couple little baseball moves at the deadline.  The Giants add Brad Penny.  Decent chance the Phillies will see Penny when the Giants come in for a three game series starting Tuesday.  If Penny has the success John Smoltz has we’ll know for sure that the Red Sox would have gone 110-52 in the National League.  Really sorry state of affairs for the NL.  Cliff Lee was one thing, but Smoltz…little embarrassing.  The White Sox have also made Jim Thome and Jermaine Dye available.  I heard the 2003 Yankees and Red Sox are interested.

Brett Favre self-diagnosed a cracked rib, and then played the first half against Houston.  I didn’t watch the game, but Favre had much better stats than he did against the Chiefs.  I’m assuming this is some ruse by Favre to lower expectations.  Cracked rib is synonymous with cracked ego.  I’ll off-handedly mention an injury and play hurt.  I’m John Wayne.  I imagine Favre having these conversations with himself.  It helps offset the anger I feel when constantly hearing about him.  In other football news I’m assuming the rest of the team still hates him, and Adrian Peterson is a beast.

When Only a Dump Will Do.

It's not always about Glitz and Glam.

It's not always about Glitz and Glam.

So, I’m thinking about how they turned Liberty National from a toxic waste dump into a golf course with a $500,000 initiation fee.  Maybe this project will workin the end, and maybe it won’t, but it brought to mind the question of paying for atmosphere.  If Liberty National isn’t a great golf course, which it isn’t according to Tour pros, then all that money is going to making you feel a certain way.  Seems like a waste.  Especially when you realize how many times what you really want is the exact opposite.  No thrills, no frills, just simple.  Keep it quick and dirty. 

The obvious example of this would be a dive bar or some shady diner.  It’s funny that these two often work in combination.  Sometimes it’s not about being seen.  Sometimes you don’t want to be where everyone else is going.  You just want a drink, or some mother lovin french toast at three in the morning.  Yeah, you could try to sleep it off for a couple hours and go to some fancy brunch with 10 dollar bloodies and heart shaped waffles…but we all know the 24-hr diner is where it’s at.  Is the table a little sticky?  Probably, but it doesn’t matter.  Because you’re starving. 

I think there are a lot of examples of this.  People want to have upscale everything now.  Take mechanics.  Have you ever driven by one of these auto shops that look like a noveau-riche McMansion?  There’s some pretentious statue out front, and a line of immaculate Range Rovers and BMWs.  Well, aside from realizing that Range Rovers always break down, I’d have to think that these places are useless.  Do you want to pay for all this overhead just so you can have an expresso while they finish your car?  Drop the thing off, and go to Starbucks, yuppie.  Just because a mechanic doesn’t speak English, doesn’t mean he can’t fix a European car.  Take me to the dirtiest, dingiest looking garage you can find.  Maybe the guy won’t fleece me to pay for marble sink in the can. 

Driving Ranges are another example.  I don’t care about grass tees, or target greens, or a well stocked pro-shop.  If you buy golf equipment at a driving range then you’re an idiot, and probably can’t be helped.  And, I hate to break it to you, but hitting off the grass isn’t going to do you much good either.  Most of the time the grass is awful, and you just end up practicing hitting off of mediocre lies.  Target greens?  Please, you don’t where it’s going.  When I lived in Michigan I went to hit balls once, and the place was literally some guy’s yard.   Like a 100×350 yard patch cut out of his cornfields.  The balls were just sitting there.  It was like, “put a finsky in the box”, and fire away.  It served it’s purpose. 

So yeah, if you’re on Tour hit off grass, and if you drive a Maybach then you can take it to Fantastical Experience Motors, but other than that, give the little guy a break once in while.  Embrace the dump.

Five Worst Shots of my College Career.

I've had my share of Barkley's.

I've had my share of Barkley's.

So, we had an official complaint registered at Three Putt Territory over the weekend.  No Friday anecdote.  Well, the thing is, sometimes I just don’t have a funny story in mind.  Of course, then I think, Grossy…you’re an amazing storyteller.  Literally any story you come up with would be amazing.  This is probably true, and so I’ll try to make sure the anecdote is there on Friday.  Where it’s supposed to be.  In the meantime, I thought I’d compensate with this.  Kind of like five mini-anecdotes.  The five worst shots I’ve ever witnessed would probably be more funny, but I don’t want to embarrass anyone.  Maybe they can share on their own. 

5.  The double hit.  We were playing up in bumble bleep…I want to say it was Kutztown?  One of the great things about the Northeast’s college golf season is that you play in terrible weather.  Sustained 30 mph winds are nothing really out of the ordinary.  It was blowing on this day, and the course was totally baked out.  It was insane.  You couldn’t hold a green, nothing.  I hit a 2 iron 335 yards downwind off one tee.  That’s not hyperbole, I’m just setting the scene.  So, I know the scores are going to be high, and I’m actually playing well (for me).  I always liked to break 80 (the mediocre D-III benchmark), and coming into the last hole I had par for 77.  Not a bad score considering the elements. My second shot landed on the green, and bounded through…obviously.  Ok, hack it up there, 78 at worst.  Not this guy.  He gets super-cute, and hits the decel-half whiff that pops straight up in the air.  I then double hit the ball, and it caroms off into this atrocious lie.  From there, it was penalty shot, chip, 2 putt 7…for a smooth 80.  Wish I was making it up.  The capper for the trip to Kutztown was the Swan left his clubs there because, “He thought someone else put them in the Van.”  Haha..

4.  Public Humiliation.  N0w, our home course was lined with houses.  Nice places, classy joints.  Anyway, I saw many a house get clipped.  Stucco is surprisingly resistant to golf balls, but I never actually hit a house myself.  But, I did hit a little drop-kick, thin to win, missile into someone’s BBQ.  Ok, it wasn’t like a full on BBQ, but there was some socializing going on in the backyard.  I was in a greenside bunker.  Now, I’m a great bunker player, so I’m thinking about holing this S.O.B., not blading it across into someone’s yard.  Well, the bunker was pretty firm.  I kind of hit dirt, riccocheted flush into the ball, and sent a rocket across the green.  One hop on the cart path, and it was cozying up to patio.  Now, the people threw the ball back in-bounds, but apparently, that ain’t legal. 

3.  The Naval Academy.  Now, I’ll be honest.  I didn’t always show up to tournaments in top form.  We drove down to the Naval Academy one day to play, and I was in the hurt box.  Hit balls?  No thanks, I’m going to sit on this bench, and try not to throw up.  So, there I am a little later on the first tee.  Handful of people watching.  I tee it up.  There’s a pond in front of the tee.  Not in play.  I’m going to exaggerate for my own benefit, but it couldn’t have been more than a 150 yard carry, and may have been 60 yards.  I don’t remember.  I hit the teebox very hard.  The ball…not so much.  It comes out with a “pfft”…like there’s a f’in parachute attached to it, and lands in the lake.  Now, a lot of options here, re-tee, whatever.  I’m not thinking clearly, so I walk up to the edge of the pond, and drop.  The ball goes in like a prairie dog hole or something, so from there I compound shot number 3 with another ball into the water.  Dropping 4, hitting 5, making 9-er.  That’s a quint.  Did I par in for 77?  No. 

2.  El Hosel.  Everyone’s hit their share of shank-olas.  Well probably not Fred, but most hacks.  It’s a terrifying shot.  I always make the joke about a shank sounding like someone breaking a pane of glass.  Or a cat, scrambling on a chalkboard, getting thrown through a window.  It doesn’t actually sound like this.  The point is, the sound is cringe worthy.  The only true shank I ever hit in college was at Susquehanna.  They played this awful course that we called “Squirrel Valley”  I don’t remember the actual name of the course.  One time up there I was playing pretty well.  I had just birdied a longish downhill par three, and go to the next tee.  It may have been two holes later, but I’m starting to think about posting a good score.  I split the fairway.  Second shot, sand wedge.  Cold shank.  Ball goes directly right into the trees.  Inexplicable.  Wasn’t thinking shank, nothing…bang.  The hardest part was I basically had to chip out, and then hit the same shot.  That’s when you start hitting safety-chunks, shoot your 83, and get out of there. 

1.  The First Impression.  So, I didn’t have a ton of tournament experience prior to college.  I showed up at my first tournament at Wesley not really knowing what to expect.  When one of the guys in my group was 35 I kind of realized I wasn’t in the big time.  I think he was playing for Delaware Heating and Air Conditioning.  But, anyway, my first shot.  At this point in my career I didn’t really hit a driver.  Pre-ProV1x, and crazy long golf courses I got away with a 3-wood and 2-iron.  I had a  Ping Eye 2, two-iron that I could rope out there with a lot of people’s driver’s in the Titleist Tour Prestige days.  It was the safest club in my bag.  It makes me sad a little to think how well I used to hit 2-iron.  Anyway, that was the club I chose for my shot in college.  I teed it up, and fired away.  It felt AMAZING.  But, we know that nothing feels better than a big, towering pull hook.  This ball started right center, took a dead, left, and started riding the wind.  Oh, I forgot to mention.  About a 3 club hook wind that day.  The thing hits in the left rough, and takes a trampoline bounce into the woods, and out of the golfing boundaries.  Welcome to college golf.  Might want to hit a provisional.

What’s the Shelf Life on Josh McDaniels?

Less than a Twinkie For Sure.

Less than a Twinkie For Sure.

So, I was watching the Sunday Night Football game.  Preseason football?  What about Entourage and True Blood?  Well, I watch sports.  That’s what I do.  It’s like my thing.  Well, cheese is my thing, but it’s like my second thing.  And, I can watch Entourage anytime.  The real reason I was watching the football was because I wanted to check out Jay Cutler’s return to Denver.  It was Josh McDaniels’s first home game as the Broncos coach, and the first since he traded Cutler to the Bears.  The Broncos quarterback is now Kyle Orton.  Yes, the Kyle Orton that stinks.  There isn’t a new Kyle Orton.  So, that’s how McDaniels ushered in his reign as Broncos coach.  He whiffed on Matt Cassell, disgruntled his overly-sensitive yet talented quarterback, and brought in Kyle Orton.  Let’s see how this is going to play out. 

First of all McDaniels looks like someone dressed up as Bill Belichick for Halloween.  When he came out Sunday wearing the hoodie I almost threw up.  Get your own thing.  Belichick is a great coach, let’s not even discuss that, but he’s making these other guys look better, and just because someone coaches with Belichick doesn’t make him a genius.  Romeo Crennel, Charlie Weis the Man-Genius…these guys have mixed reviews at best.  McDaniels is a super young guy, I’m sure he’s great in the gusto department, but I think he’s going to run the Broncos right into the ground.  This is a classic case of the Broncos not knowing what they had until it was gone.  Oh, haven’t won a Super Bowl in 8 years or whatever…boo hoo…how does 5-11 sound?

But, wait.  Josh McDaniels called the plays in New England.  Great.  Marty Morning-Nuts calls the plays in Philly.  You want him coaching your squad?  I’m pretty sure any die-hard Pats fan that plays Madden could call the plays in New England.  And, maybe he is a good play caller…terrific.  Doesn’t mean he can coach or should be able to make any personnel decisions.  The Broncos got absolutely slapped by Chicago.  The Bears defense was giving up nothing.  I know Moreno wasn’t playing, and Marshall is suspended, but are we going to count on Marshall at all at this point?  And, what about that notion that anyone could gain 1,000 yds running for the Broncos?

Well, the Broncos offensive line was still getting praise all game, but the running backs weren’t doing a thing.  The combination of Buckhalter and Hillis were snapping off about 2 yards a clip.  Buckhalter had one 20 yard gain, somewhat skewing his mediocre stats.  The first team pumped in all of three points at home in the first half, and Kyle Orton…well I guess he can throw the underneath stuff.  Buckle up and enjoy the ride Broncos fans.  You’re going to have running backs and tight ends catching 4 yard patterns all year.  Meanwhile Cutler looked shaky early, but lead a long touchdown drive at the end of the first half.  The Bears look legit, and they’re still going to pound the ball, because Cutler or no Cutler…their receivers stink.  I’m sticking to it. 

So, Josh McDaniels keep wearing your hoodie.  Keep being the tough guy.  Keep bringing in Patriot castoffs like Russ Hochstein and Dan Graham.  Keep stone-walling people on injury reports…do it up, Belichick style.  In three years this guy’s going to be a valet at Gillette Stadium, or walking Belichick’s dogs, but I don’t see him coaching the Broncos.  What you say?  I’m making this case based on essentially a half of football.  That’s right.  That’s all I need to see.  Next.

That’ll Learn Me.

Playoffs?  Not for Golf.

Playoffs? Not for Golf.

A lot of things came to light over the weekend.  Pretty much every prediction I made on Friday was completely wrong.  That’s nothing new, but we did see a few things that before the weekend would have seemed about as likely as me politely declining a box of Thin Mints. 

First, there was the golf tournament.  It was a tournament, right?  And, not just a total abortion of a sporting event?  So, we got sold this bill of goods on Liberty National.  I fell for the bait.  The place looks good in pictures.  Too bad all the pros hated it.  It was a tricked up, target golf nightmare, but no one could say anything about it.  The Tour put the old “speak no evil” mandate out there.  So, as the anonymous quotes started pouring out about how terrible the golf course is, it ended up giving the whole event the feel of a giant fraud.  It was all lies and fancy camera angles.  Supporters of the course might argue that take away Heath Slocum’s 2o footer, and you have Tiger/Ernie/Stricker and Harrington in a playoff.  Well, just because good players played well at your course doesn’t mean it’s a good golf course.  With the Barclay’s headed to Ridgewood and Plainfield the next two years, I’m pretty sure the Tour players would mutiny if they tried to bring Liberty National back into the rotation. 

Anyway, what was the big surprise?  Tiger missing that putt on 18.  How sure were people that he was going to make it?  Well, Ernie Els had his bag loaded into his car after Tiger’s approach.  Literally.  Tiger was walking up to the green like he was taking the victory lap.  If it wasn’t handed to him in regulation, he’d take care of business in the playoff.  It was a seven footer.  Tiger might lose an occasional tournament, but he doesn’t miss putts, not like this, not on eighteen.  Thing never had much of a chance.  Tiger would never admit to a pull, saying he mis-read it, but who knows.  I was fairly shocked, but then pumped for a possible 5-way playoff.  The leaders looked buckle compliant coming up 18 until Slocum rolled in that no-brainer, ruining everything.  There’s your Barclay’s Champ.  Verdict on Golf Playoffs: Fail.

Tiger’s whiff on 18 wasn’t the most stunning event of the weekend, though.  That would have to be Cliff “Mother Lovin” Lee getting shelled by the Braves.  Send your kids to another room.  There’s no Santa, yes you are just saying that because you’re their parent, and no, Cliff Lee is not going to go 13-0 with a zero point ERA for the rest of the season.  I assumed Cliff would eventually lose.  I didn’t see it coming at the hands of the Braves or in this fashion, but it was inevitable.  They hit some home runs.  It was frustrating, but it can happen at the Old Citizens…not that they were all wall scrapers or anyting.  You know in these tough times you just like to believe in myths.  Infallability.  It was shattered left and right this past weekend.  Good news was Phils slipped out of there with 2 of 3, and Brad Lidge got a save.  Weird.

Wake Up!

Hope Your Weekend Leaves an Impression.

Hope Your Weekend Leaves an Impression.

We need some signs of life around here.  This was reminiscent of the slow April Fridays of the young blog.  I guess, I’ve been more interesting, but we’ll spice it up with a little parting shot.  Little caption to make you think.  Appropriate?  Inappropriate?  Who are you to decide, really?  Get off your high horse, and relax.  You know it’s funny…now hike up those biz cas pants, and go get a cocktail somewhere.  What’s cracking this weekend?

First of all I’d like to thank Brandon Marshall for adding just a touch more mystery to the fantasy draft.  At this point Marshall is either going to be the guy who ruins your season, or the guy you curse yourself for passing over…nine times.  Marshall was suspended by the Broncos for the remainder of the preseason, and if you saw the video of Marshall’s antics in practice…it’s hard to see him getting back in good graces anytime soon.  The fact remains, though, that he’s a top talent, and that is what fantasy is about.  I’m setting a go/no go round for Marshall in my draft…and actually, I kind of hope I get him. 

The weather could be messing with Pedro again.  Not sure what the outlook is for the rest of the night, but it doesn’t look too good for Phillies/Braves right now.  Pedro is supposed to take on Tommy Hanson, and honestly…it’s a pretty terrible match-up for him.  Hanson is the Braves 23-year old future ace, and he’s been really good so far this year.  It’ll be tough for the Phillies to manage Moyer-esque run support against this kid.  If the game goes down, I’m thinking Phils lose…sorry, but reality is reality.  The rest of the series is all about pitching.  Cliff Lee/Derek Lowe and Jair Jurrgens/Joe Blanton.  I don’t have to remind everyone that Jurrgens pitches well against Philly, right?  We all remember that.  I’ll throw a reverse hexola out there.   Braves win 2/3, and pull within six.  No big deal.  Obviously, “Mother Lovin” handles his business.

We’re back on Freddie watch for the weekend.  It’s the best place to be, honestly.  It appears that Liberty National is going to fail in it’s test to win over the tour pros, but it might succeed in identifying a good ball-striker as the champion.  Fred started terribly yesterday, but rallied the troops and seems to be hitting it better.  We know he can hit it as good as anyone when he’s in rhythm, so I’m allowing myself a little hope for the weekend.  He’s currently at 1-under, which is a healthy six shots back, but only 1 behind the virtual lead (Tiger at 2-under).  Scores much higher today, and any wind over the weekend will send them higher, and the winning score won’t be too far into the red.  If Fred can stop three jacking these crazy greens…look out.  If not be prepared for Clark, Woods, or Stricker.

Last note, another golf mention.  The finals of the U.S. Amateur are this weekend.  This is a very cool event, and it lacks a high profile amateur this year, but if you have a chance to tune in…it’s worth a watch.  Especially the semis, when the guys are playing for a spot in the Masters.  What could very well end up being the pinnacle of their career.  It’s not bad stuff…

Everyone take it easy over the weekend…oh, Couture vs. Nogueria on Saturday.  UFC 102.  Pretty weak card, but you know…for the die-hards.  Thanks for the visits and comments…see everyone next week.  Melancholy happy trails to all my Cyborg Santos hits…

USC’s Embarrassment of Riches.

Matt Barkley, No Relation to Charles.

Matt Barkley, No Relation to Charles.

The USC Trojans announced yesterday that true freshmen, Matt Barkley would be their starting quarterback for the upcoming season.  Hard to believe a true freshmen could crack the line-up at USC, a school that routinely brings in several of the top recruits at each position.  The news came at the expense of red-shirt sophomore Aaron Corp, who missed a few weeks with an injury, and lost his starting job.  Corp, a former Southern California high school player of the year, returns to the bench where he has some pretty highly regarded company.  The Trojans 3rd string quarterback is Mitch Mustain, the former starter at Arkansas, and the consensus top recruit in the country just a few years ago. 

Like I said, quarterback isn’t the only position where USC stockpiles talent.  Name a skill position, and there is likely a guy on the bench that could be starting for another major college program.  I understand the lure of USC.  Their track record for producing pros, and pro quarterbacks recently is good.  They win every year, it’s LA, the players are treated like gods.  I understand all that.  USC is an easy sell, but the competition is crazy.  Taking a scholarship to USC is no garauntee you’ll ever see significant playing time, no matter how highly you are recruited.  Just ask Matt Cassel.

Cassel is the example of the best case scenario of what can happen by going to USC, and sitting on the bench.  Still, he didn’t really get to have a college career.  I’m sure he’s fine with that now, but what about all the guys that go there, sit, and then are never heard from again.  I know that true talent will always prevail.  This Matt Barkley kid, if he’s the real deal, there would have been no stopping him.  Aaron Corp could do whatever he wanted, but injury or no injury it would have been Barkley eventually.  Does Corp not have what it takes, could he be like Cassel, or is he a great high school QB that never panned out.  We’d know a lot better if he was at a different school. 

I’m sure every recruit that goes to USC either believes they will start, or just wants to go to USC at any cost, but I think college football is losing out a bit with this USC recruiting dynasty.  Wouldn’t it be better for the sport if Corp or Mustain was at UCLA, or Arizona St.  Spread some wealth in the PAC-10.  If I’m a recruit, USC is tempting, but other schools may offer a better chance to play and develop.  Either way, the USC juggernaut rolls on.