How Long is the the Perfect TV Series?

Say Goodbye to The Office (Finally?)

Tonight is the last episode of The Office.  In its second year without Steve Carell, the show (never the most watched) has become an afterthought.  But when things end, people always take notice and tend to reflect on the good times.  Personally, I still enjoy an occasional episode of the show, but I acknowledge that it is a shell of its former self.  When the series debuted, with the famous “Diversity Day,” episode, it wasn’t like anything we’d seen on American television.  Forget that it was an almost carbon copy of the British episode.  This was way before anyone in the States gave a bleep about British TV.  The overwhelming feeling I had when I watched the show at the beginning was it made me uncomfortable.  You wanted to look away, or turn the channel at some of the jokes, but it certainly produced a reaction.  Of course, it eventually become cool to watch The Office, precisely for that reason.  It wasn’t your typical sitcom.  

But nine years can really dull your edge.  Especially when the inherent drama has all been resolved.  Jim and Pam are together.  Michael is off in Colorado.  Even Creed is becoming more normal.  There’s no question that The Office overstayed its welcome, almost every successful show does, but the question is, how long is too long?  How long is not long enough?  This fall, we’ll see the return of Arrested Development–a show that many people would say ended far too early.  But you could debate that, considering the show never got passable ratings.  

So, I’m going to try to figure out the perfect number of years.  A sampling…

TWO YEARS–TOO SHORT.  Example:  Party Down.  

Party Down was an amazing show.  Too bad it only lasted two seasons and a robust 20 episodes.  Part of the problem?  It was on Starz.  The show may still be on the air if it had started on HBO, but its cancellation has allowed Adam Scott to move on to Parks & Rec, Jane Lynch to Glee, and Lizzy Caplan to any number of things.  More proof that it ended to early?  A movie version is allegedly being written.  

FIVE YEARS–TOO SHORT.  Example: The Wire.  

The Wire churned out sixty episodes.  Which isn’t a ton, but if you consider that each episode was usually a solid hour, you’re talking about the viewing equivalent of about 150 episodes of a sitcom.  What The Wire was able to do was to keep introducing new characters and story lines.  For the most part, any episode of The Wire could have been the last one for your favorite character.  While some people might say that they’d happily watch 12 seasons of The Wire, I think they got it almost right.  

NINE YEARS– TOO LONG.  Example: Seinfeld.  

I guess you know a series went on to long when they produce a finale like Seinfeld.  Does anyone like this finale?  It has some value, but to me it was always like they just ran out of ideas.  I will still watch a Seinfeld in syndication–unless it’s the finale.  It’s not a terrible episode, but you just feel like a show that good should have ended better.  Or at least it should have ended sooner.  

TEN YEARS–TOO LONG.  Example: Two and a Half Men.

Can I admit that I watched and (kind of) liked this show in the beginning?  I might lose the last of my seven readers with that statement.  I don’t know, when the show started Charlie Sheen was less crazy, the kid was chubbier–it wasn’t bad.  But Two and a Half Men has violated a major rule.  You can’t change the cast.  As soon as you replace a character–TOO LONG.  There are plenty of examples:  Three’s Company, Fresh Prince, Roseanne.  It just tells the audience, “We’re milking this.”  

As I go through a list of shows, it seems like many died in that 8-10 year range and most were past their prime.  The Cosby Show?  Was Theo even in the last season?  Was Cockroach?  It may have been all Olivia.  I just watched the 1st season of Cheers (Great), but that went on for 11 seasons.  NO.  Are you a Friends man?  10 years.  Too long.  

So, my conclusion is this.  The perfect length for a TV show is six or seven years.  I guess I’ll decide after Mad Men season 7 next year.  Oh my god, there are only about 20 Mad Men left.  The horror.  

 

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Filling the NFL Void: Lessons From the New York Times Best Seller List

You Don’t Need John Nash to Find The Pattern.

I mentioned this in my post-Super Bowl comment, but it seems like a predominate theme of the last few days has been, “Life ends the day after the Super Bowl.”  It makes some sense from a sports fans’ perspective.  February can feel like a black hole.  Unless you like regular season action in the LESSER sports, we’re months away from some real drama.  I don’t really subscribe to this theory.  Am I less of an NFL fan than others?  Less of a man?  Maybe, but after that 4.5 hour game on Sunday, I’m OK with the NFL heading into its off-season.  But it is a long time until April, when we’ll get the Masters, the Final Four, and the start of baseball season.  What to do in the meantime?

One of my thoughts is that I could actually spend less time glued to the television.  I won’t, but I also could read a few more books.  My problem?  Where do you find a good book to read these days?  Is there a website that rates books for people who actually read?  There should be an “APP” where you type in twenty books you like and it spits out another twenty that you probably would enjoy.  Would that be so hard person who invented Pandora?

In the absence of book Pandora, at least until someone kindly tells me that it does exist, I thought I would check out the New York Times Bestseller List.  Surely there are some good books to found there, right?  RIGHT?  Let’s see:

#1: Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks

My Initial Reaction:  Oh god, NO.  I knew people bought these books, especially when they are turned into movies, but number one?  In moments of weakness I can understand watching a Nicholas Sparks movie, but I don’t understand reading the books.

Key Line From the Amazon Summary:  ”In the darkest hour, love is the only true safe haven.”

Chances I’ll read this book:  0%

The Best Selling Formula at Work:  Love stories about pretty people.  The masses love to read about people who are good looking, are rich, live in exotic locales, etc.  Want to write a book about an ugly person with some issues?  Better make it a memoir.

#3: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

My Initial Reaction:  I was expecting Gone Girl to be #1.  It’s hot.  I was given the book as a hand me down and its a boilerplate best seller.  Perfect plane reading.

Key Line From the Amazon Summary:  ”One of the most critically acclaimed suspense writers of our time, New York Times bestseller Gillian Flynn takes that statement to its darkest place in this unputdownable masterpiece about a marriage gone terribly, terribly wrong.”  Unputdownable?

Chances I’ll read this book:  100%.  Already read it.

The Best Selling Formula at Work:  Create a question.  In this case, the question is, did this guy murder his wife?  Reading the book then becomes an exercise is answering this question.  In addition to that, this type of book provides you with a chance to be “right.”  Something everyone loves.  Very satisfying to read a book and be able to say, “I knew it!”

#s 5, 8, 9: Various Fifty Shades of Awful Grey by E.L. James.  

My Initial Reaction:  Of course this is a trilogy.  And, is E.L. James some type of hat tip to J.K. Rowling.  Do initials sell more books?

Key Line From the Amazon Summary:  ”Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.”  Also, 4-EVA.

Chances I’ll read this book: 1%

The Best Selling Formula at Work:  Make pants tingle.  Never underestimate the naughtiness of the masses.  These books are the Snackwells cookie phenomenon.  At first glance it’s like, look at that monster eating all those cookies…then you realize, OH, THEY’RE SNACKWELLS–CARRY ON.  Poorly written erotica?  All good if it’s on the best seller list.

#6: Suspect by Robert Crais.

My Initial Reaction:  Sometimes I think about titling a piece of work and I have no idea what I would call it, it can be agonizing.  You want to be so damn creative.  Then, you see something like Suspect and realize that after you crank out a few bestsellers you can call a book whatever you want.  Book #4.  People won’t care.

Key Line From Amazon Summary:  ”Maggie is not doing so well, either. A German shepherd who survived three tours in Iraq and Afghanistan sniffing explosives before losing her handler to an IED, her PTSD is as bad as Scott’s.”

Chances I’ll read this book:  14%

Best Selling Formula at Work:  Add a dog.  Dog lovers can sustain your career.  Adding a dog is always smart, making the dog the narrator is even smarter.  Cat narrator:  Poison.

#11 The Racketeer by John Grisham.  

My Initial Reaction:  Someone tell John Grisham it’s OK to stop writing.  His next book is going to be called The Noun.  Shouldn’t he have gotten the hint when they stopped turning his books into movies?

Key Line From the Amazon Summary:  ”Who is the Racketeer? And what does he have to do with the judge’s untimely demise? His name, for the moment, is Malcolm Bannister. Job status? Former attorney. Current residence? The Federal Prison Camp near Frostburg, Maryland.”  Does any of this seem familiar?  YES.

Chances I’ll read this book:  3% (airport emergency?)

Best Selling Formula at Work:  Name recognition.  If my legal name was John Grisham, would it be legal for me to publish books under that name?

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Alternate Viewing Guide — Thanksgiving.

“Franklin & Marshall”–Everyone Who’s Never Been to Lancaster.

It’s that special time of the holiday season.  It’s time for the alternate TV viewing guide.  Thanksgiving is about football, but more than that it’s about having the television on AT ALL TIMES.  You don’t necessarily have to be watching, but when you get a bunch of relatives around, and the conversation starts to get a bit awkward?  It’s nice for your grandfather to be able to point at the old tube and say, “How ‘Bout That Romo Fella?”  But, in case you are anti-football, or if your fantasy season is already over–here are some other viewing options.  I’m trying not to be too repetitive, so if you’re looking for a dog show, or a Godfather marathon, trust that you can find one.  

12:00-1:00 pm–Breaking Amish on TLC

Breaking Amish follows five Amish youngsters as they head to New York City.  The cast ultimately has to decide if they want to remain Amish or forgo that lifestyle and become, “English.”  This is what Amish people call everyone who isn’t Amish.  That fact alone provides plenty of amusement along with lines like, “What’s a Bachelor Party?”  And to set the record straight, the Amish live in Lancaster County, not the city of Lancaster, which is where F&M is located.  

1:00-2:00 pm–Encino Man on Comedy Central.

The first time I saw Encino Man I couldn’t stop laughing.  I haven’t seen it since.  Deep down I think I know that I saw it at the perfect time in my life.  I was perfectly into the nineties.  I was perfectly immature.  We’re talking about a movie that features Pauly Shore in a starring role.  Could I go back, watch it, and deal with the fact that I once found it hysterical?  Is it still funny?  Maybe I find out Thursday.  

2:00-3:00 pm–Friday Night Lights on ESPN Classic.

I know what you’re thinking, NO FOOTBALL!  This is a compromise, though.  You’ll get to see some great football from Dillon High (East or West depending on the season), but you’ll also get wrapped up in some real drama.  Still waiting for the spin-off that stars Riggins and Buddy Garrity, but in the meantime maybe you can compare the coaching skills of Eric Taylor to Andy Reid.  

3:00-4:00 pm–American Pickers on The History Channel.

You learn a lot about people watching American Pickers.  Why do people spend thousands of dollars on old gas station signs?  Why do some people never throw anything out?  There are questions too.  Should I be monitoring my relative’s attics for hidden gems and overcrowding?  Is there a barn around here I can rummage through?  American Pickers usually has a few good laughs and is like a baby step if you aren’t ready for a full-on episode of Hoarders.  

4:00-5:00 pm–Bad Santa on Comedy Central.  

Yes.  A couple of years back I put Bad Santa at #2 on my all-time list of Christmas movies.  A lot of the magic of this film could be lost in the Comedy Central edit, but it’s still worth a shot.  Actually, maybe it’s a good test, is this movie funny or just profane?  I’m going to lean toward the former.  And, I’m contractually obligated to mention my favorite line every time I mention the movie.  “Sh*t in one hand and wish in the other.  See which fills up first.”

5:00-6:00 pm–Bacon Paradise 2 on Travel.

I really like bacon, but what I’ve found out in the last couple years as food and cooking shows explode is that there are people who like bacon more than I do.  THEY LOVE IT.  I like bacon at breakfast, on top of a burger, but a lot of people are going the extra mile.  On this episode of Bacon Paradise, they explore bacon lasagna, bacon brownies and something called a 5-lb bacon bomb.  Looks like we dodged the pork shortage!

6:00-7:00 pm–Hatfields and McCoys on History.   

It’s Kevin Costner.  And, that guy from Twister!  But we’re talking about the most watched cable show of ALL-TIME.  Is that an impressive stat?  I don’t know.  What better show to watch on Thanksgiving than one about a feud between two families?  This will bring the whole room together.  Then you can storm across the street and invade your neighbor’s living room.  Whatever happens, happens.  

7:00-8:00 pm–Punkin Chunkin 2012 on Science.  

I did not know what Punkin Chunkin was a few years ago, but I now know that it’s a competition to see how far you can launch a pumpkin.  The contraptions are homemade by everyone from rednecks to engineers to redneck engineers and it’s a real celebration of America’s obsession with spectacle.  Or, our need to drink and get rid of excess pumpkins?  I’m thinking maybe you have a 1/2 rotten jack-o-lantern still lying around?  Launch that bitch.  

8:00-9:00 pm–Meet the Parents on Bravo. 

How much do sequels tarnish the originals?  By the time “Little Fockers,” came out did we forget how good Meet the Parents was?  It’s such a quotable movie.  And I think there are still people who do that eyes on you thing, which is a bit embarrassing, but speaks to the lasting power of this film.  Jinxy Cat, Jinxy Cat, Where Are You?  I Love You.  

9:00-10:100 pm–Glee on Fox.

I feel like for the non-football crowd, this is what we’ve been building toward all day.  OMG, did you know there’s a Thanksgiving episode of Glee?  Do people still watch Glee?  I don’t even know.  Does anyone graduate from this high school?  Again, no clue.  But, I think it’s important to end the day on a festive note.  Maybe some people dancing around in pilgrim shoes singing Adam Sandler’s Thanksgiving song?  Maybe?  Probably not.

All right, that’s it.  Consider yourself guided.  There is no reason to be up past 10 pm unless you are already at Wal-Mart, in which case, I’d suggest getting it together.  

 

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Phillies Welcome Bryce Harper/Nats to Town.

Prefers Boos to Batteries.

Bryce Harper likes the boos.  He’s just the kind of guy who gets a laugh at such things, probably because he’s been getting taunted his entire life.  I’m not sure he’d know how to play baseball any other way.  In anticipation of this series, Harper commented that he hoped he would get booed.  Then he spun the Philly sports fan historical wheel of shame and added that he hoped the fans wouldn’t throw batteries.  After Harper was drilled by Cole Hamels and the city worked itself into a frenzy, I said it would be better to just ignore Bryce Harper.  Why give him what he wants when it has a great chance of spiraling out of control and embarrassing the city once again?

Harper is going to get booed, though.  It will be at full throat.  I don’t have a problem with booing in general, but I’d prefer there be a better reason than “he’s a d**che.”  Putting aside the fact that he’s having admirable success for a 19-year old, Harper is still hitting just .244 with 2 homers.  Those aren’t numbers that should cause you to boo an opposing player.  And Harper has never really done anything to the Phillies.  At least J.D. refused to sign here before we pelted him with debris. At least Scott Rolen celebrated leaving town like it was a governor’s pardon.  At least Chipper Jones spent almost 20 years beating down the Phillies with big hits.  Harper hasn’t done any of that, but he’ll get an earful the entire series, mostly because Philly fans probably feel some sort of obligation to their own reputation.

Running in harmony with the desire to boo Harper will be the necessity to win the series.  You get a lot less satisfaction with your jeers if the team loses 2 out of 3 again.  Bean balls and creative signage don’t show up in the standings.  As I mentioned Friday, the Phillies are treading into some dangerous waters.  After a nice victory to start the Red Sox series, Phillies’ starters were clubbed for six homers over the next two days and they dropped the series to Boston.  Joe Blanton’s trade value took a hit.  Cliff Lee took a loss he couldn’t quite blame on the offense, and the Phillies were back to .500 with Washington/St. Louis and New York on deck.

It’s my opinion that the Phils need to still be operating at or around .500 on June 12th.  That day will end a run of 20 straight games against winning teams.  It’s also a day where we might know when/if Ryan Howard and Chase Utley will be back.  It’s a stretch that looks a whole lot tougher now that the season has started.  No one expected the Mets, Orioles or Dodgers to be where they are.  Even the Nats are out-pacing some optimistic projections.  So how can the Phillies get through this stretch and be in the neighborhood of 31-31, especially since it starts with one of those “Kendrick Games,”–Kendrick vs. Gio Gonzalez?  He are five Phillies who face the most heat in the next three weeks…

1.  Roy Halladay–I said last week that Halladay has been the Phillies’ 3rd best starter this year.  He’s sitting at 4-3 with a 3.22 ERA.  He’s yet to throw a complete game, and the closest we’ve seen to vintage Halladay was his Opening Day gem against Pittsburgh.  By this time in 2010, Halladay had 4 complete games and two shutouts.  During this stretch, it’d be nice to see Roy bail the Phils out once or twice with a complete game win–not the kind of “good enough” performance he used to win in Chicago.

2.  Jimmy Rollins–Rollins appears to be RBI phobic.  He has 7 RBI in 166 at-bats.  If that sounds impossible…it’s close.  Hector Luna has 5 RBI in 12 at-bats.  And, Rollins has had plenty of chances.  He’s invented new ways to not score the guy from 3rd.  J-Roll’s .229 with no production isn’t cutting it.  Ruiz isn’t going to hit .360 all year.

3.  John Mayberry Jr.–This may sound odd, but the Phillies are really missing Laynce Nix.  Nix was hitting .320 with some production when he injured his calf and his at-bats have fallen to Mayberry and Ty Wigginton.  Wigginton hasn’t been good since the calendar turned to May and you wonder if he’s got a nagging injury.  Mayberry has shown a little life lately.  His production is key for the bottom part of the order.

4.  Antonio Bastardo–The Phillies have blown several games this season and they’ll play plenty of close games in the next three weeks.  With the opposing pitchers they’ll face, it’ll be hard not to.  The Phils have to piece together a way to get to Papelbon.  I’ve heard the bullpen been called “Crap to Pap.”  I saw that at Beerleaguer, not sure if they invented it.  Bastardo is the most promising as a potential 8th inning guy.

5.  Freddy Galvis–Galvis, of the timely hit and inexplicable 19 RBI (3rd on the team) must avoid a prolonged cold streak like the one he faced at the start of the year and then again in early May.

***

Other Weekend Happenings…

1.  A true Triple Crown Contender.  I’ll Have Another took the Preakness (Home of Kegasus) to set up a meaningful Belmont Stakes in 3 weeks.  There hasn’t been a Triple Crown Winner since 1978, so people suffering this drought are almost as frustrated as Flyers’ fans.  Because I would never jinx an animal, my official position is I’ll Have Another has no shot.  None.

2.  Jason Dufner is the hottest golfer on the planet.  He won for the 2nd time in 3 weeks and it forces parity on the PGA Tour to the forefront.  A couple of months ago Rory was going to win every event he entered (and maybe some he didn’t), but Dufner and his obvious skill level are just proof that you can throw 30 or 40 names in a hat at the beginning of the week and take your pick.  The PGA Tour has become the NHL playoffs.

3.  The Phillies, and specifically Ruben Amaro, had a shady weekend in terms of fan and media relations.  First, they kicked a Phillies beat reporter out of the stadium in Clearwater because Ryan Howard’s workouts are off-limits.  Then a story was published linking cortisone injections to Achilles tendon tears (Howard had a cortisone shot last September).  Amaro quickly went into damage control mode, claiming the Phillies value the health of their players above all else.  Considering Howard’s contract, you’d have to hope that was the case, but the Phillies’ desire to control the information continues to make them look disingenuous.  Restricting access and creating a cocoon can backfire.  Just ask Tiger Woods.

4.  New worst Rick Reilly column ever written.  I think a million people quit golf because of this attempt at hilarity.

5.  Mad Men is lighting the fuse for what should be a tremendous final three episodes.  Cliffhanger isn’t the right word for Mad Men, but there’s two big questions left in this season.  Are Don and Joan going to hookup?  And, how is the pursuit of Jaguar and Lane’s embezzlement going to pan out?  Don and Joan has always been off-limits for me, where would you go from there?  It looks like they’re going to take it right up to the edge, though.  Can’t believe we’re three episodes away from it being gone again.

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Rivera, The Flyers and Your Derby Lock.

All The Debutantes Will Wait for Brady to set the ’12 Hat Trends.

Closer down.  This was the most depressing scene surrounding a blown knee since Bob Huggins spooned Da’Sean Butler in the NCAA Tournament a couple of years back.  Mariano Rivera, who’s famous for his BP shagging, took a misstep near the warning track in Kansas City last night and tore his ACL.  Rivera was chasing a ball off the bat of Jayson Nix, known in these parts as “The Other Nix,” and had to be carted off the field in what quickly became a somber scene.  Rivera’s meeting with the press following the announcement of the torn ACL was even more depressing, an emotional Rivera openly wondering whether he’d ever pitch again.

For a player already contemplating retirement in the near future,  the prospect of facing a long and rigorous rehab when you’ve been remarkably healthy your whole career has to be a daunting.  Part of Rivera’s legend is his apparent invulnerability to age and injury, and disbelief was a popular theme running through many of the reaction interviews.  I have a feeling that once the injury sinks in, Rivera will attempt to return to the mound.  If not for a full season, at least to dictate his ending on his own terms.

There’s certainly nothing to add to the legacy.  I think back to the beginning of Rivera’s career when he was setting up and the universal belief was that we were watching the closer in waiting.  I think about how many closers in waiting completely fizzle.  The failure rate is high, the average career length for those who succeed is short.  Rivera proved to be the ultimate outlier in both cases.  His post-season success and consistency proved a challenge to even the most cynical of stat-heads who discount the closer position.

Perhaps we will see Rivera’s true value now that he will miss the remainder of 2012.  The Yankees have candidates to replace him, but their readiness could be questioned.  David Robertson, whose stats are Rivera-like, sounded like he was talking himself out of the job when interviewed last night.  Whether that’s him being overly deferential to Rivera, or if he really would be overwhelmed by replacing a Hall of Famer, we won’t know until he’s given the opportunity.  The other option would appear to be Rafael Soriano, who has the closing experience, but has been far less dominant than Robertson.

Closers remind me a bit of running backs sometimes, because I think you can often replace an average one, but at the same time there’s no substitute for the truly elite.  It’s not all about getting the last three outs, it’s about the whole team playing with confidence because of the inevitability of the ninth inning.  The problem for the Yankees is that the loss of Rivera weakens what was the strength of their staff.  The top-7 ERAs on staff belong to relievers.  The starting pitching in the 3-5 slots has been shoddy–at best.  The Yankees are scoring some runs, but not enough to erase the starting pitching problems–now they need to find a new closer.

***

The Flyers dropped game three in overtime last night.  A bit of a strange affair, and certainly enough to start bringing back some painful feelings from the past.  There were times when the Flyers looked good last night, but there were far too many stretches where the Devils carried the play and the sequence of events that led to the game-winner for Jersey simply cannot happen.  To me it looks like the Flyers haven’t fully adjusted from playing Pittsburgh.  The Pens were willing to run and gun with the Flyers, but the Devils are a far more aggressive team on defense and the penalty kill.  The Flyers can’t sit back and wait for the goals to start flooding in, they need to make some adjustments.  It’s been a close series, and it’s far from over, but the game Sunday night will be huge and could end up determining how Flyers fans judge this season.

***

Bit of pitching mismatch down in Washington tonight.  Kyle Kendrick, whose ceiling resides in the 6IP, 3ER neighborhood takes on Stephen Strasburg, who throws really, really hard and possesses a microscopic ERA.  Strasburg suffered his injury against the Phillies in 2010, so I don’t think they’ve seen much of the phenom aside from that abbreviated outing.  Of course, most games involving these teams this season have been pitching dominated.  The Nats have scored 15 fewer runs than the Phillies.  Did you think such a thing was possible?  The Phils are actually 6-3 and averaging over 5 per game in their last nine.  It’s drug them to the middle of the NL in runs scored.  Rare air.  If they can keep that up against Washington’s glitzy starters, it should bode well for them winning the series.  Keep in mind, this is also the weekend where the Nationals were trying to keep Philly fans out of their park, so be sure to tune in and see how unsuccessful that was.

***

Ok, no more fluff and filler.  We need a Derby winner.  Here’s a complete preview of the Derby Field from someone who has watched a horse race this year–or at least I assume they have.  Also includes photos, so you can pick which horse is the prettiest.   You can’t underestimate the importance of the horse face test.  You might not think I’m qualified to pick a Derby winner, but the 20-horse field is pretty much a lottery.  Anything can happen.  Some uninformed tips…

1.  Never bet the favorite.  That eliminates Bodemeister, who is trying to become the first horse since the late 18 hundies to win the Derby without racing as 2-year old.  Is he named after Bode Miller?  I don’t know.  This also applies to the horse that emerged as the favorite last year when people were taking shots in the dark.  So, bad news for Union Rags.

2.  Beware Wordplay.  Horse naming is a tough racket, so puns and other plays on words run rampant.  Don’t be lured in by a horse like, “Daddy Nose Best.”  That’s awful.  But…

3.  At least show some effort.  Often times the owners will take an adjective and just manipulate that sumbitch.  For example, Optimizer.  That’s lazy.  One step above Beauterrific (not in the field).  Also lazy?  Random professions, forget about Gemologist.

Ok, who’s going to take this thing?  How about Hansen?  Look at the albino freight train…

Go Ahead and Wear White Before Memorial Day.

I don’t remember seeing many all white racehorses.  I’m taken by the novelty.  Plus, this will be the easiest horse in the field to pick out of the pack, and Hansen likes to run from the front, so you should at least have a few moments of hope if he happens to collapse down the stretch.  Hansen will be in post-position 14 and is currently sitting at 10:1.  Lock city.  I’ll take Dullahan and Creative Cause to round out an epic Trifecta box.  Nice box.

 

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This Stuff Happened — 5/3/12

An Area Play.

There are bad calls and then there are the ones like the one Tim Welke made that’s pictured above.  This was an out according to Welke, who obviously went brain-dead for a few moments, or simply made the wrong signal?  Ever nod your head yes and say no at the same time?  Perhaps that’s what happened to Welke here, or else Todd Helton is master of illusion.  He is a crafty veteran.  Baseball has an odd relationship with its umpires.  From “area plays” to the old “the ball beat him there,” rationale that Wheels loves to wax about, getting an occasional play wrong has always been one of baseball’s quirks.  The question is, do you accept baseball in that form, or do you want instant replay.  Right now.  On everything.

I’ve read a good bit of commentary about this play, including the argument that an especially bad call doesn’t really help the cause for replay.  If the number of bad calls were steadily on the rise, or big games were being decided by bad calls, you’d have a better argument than pointing to this anomaly of ineptitude by Welke.  I am of the mind that I don’t really want instant replay reviews breaking up the flow of the game.  What I would like to see changed is umpires being able to ask for help on certain calls.  You’re telling me that the other umpires didn’t notice Helton a country mile off first?  A three second huddle probably could have fixed this, but a force out at first base is not allowed to be discussed.  Those are the type of rules that make no sense in baseball, not their insistence on maintaining the human element.

***

Roger Clemens is back in court.  I’m not even sure I know what he’s on trial for anymore, perjury?  I don’t want to dismiss the seriousness of perjury, but this isn’t a murder trial.  We’re talking about a baseball player using steroids and HGH.  I think it’s abundantly clear that the public has lost interest.  Even with Andy Pettitte slightly buckling under cross-examination, there seems to be no interest in Clemens’ 2nd trip to court.  The point, is much like the New Orleans bounty controversy, fans only care to a certain extent.  If you can rid the games of PEDs and bounties, most everyone would be in favor of that, but when it comes to handing down punishments, you lose your audience.  And, the people who are still paying attention often think the punishments are a bit harsh.  An entire year for Jonathan Vilma?

***

The Phillies lost an especially odd and frustrating game to the Braves last night, 15-13.  It had been decades since the Phillies scored 13 in a regular season loss and for me it brought to mind Game 4 of the 1993 World Series–only with much lower stakes.  I think a lot of people this morning are thinking, “Oh my God, Halladay.”  Roy was pretty dreadful after the first few innings yesterday, even if the Braves did bloop him a bit to death before McCann’s crushing blow.  More troubling was Roy looked to be halfway to the heat exhaustion he suffered last season in Chicago.  He insisted after the game he was all right, but then left the team to attend to a personal matter.  So, Halladay may have physically been fine, but perhaps he wasn’t as sharp as he usually is mentally.  I don’t really have time to worry about Halladay, but the bullpen is a major concern.  Brian Sanches.  Michael Schwimer.  Joe Savery.  We’re about 20% AAA these days. Is it any surprise the Phillies have trouble getting to Papelbon?  They’ve lost three games this year on the final at-bat with Papelbon still in the bullpen.  Something about that doesn’t add up.  The Phillies need to find a reliable set-up man aside from Chad Qualls, or begin to use Papelbon in a more non-conventional manner.

***

I’ve got some time-wasters for you if you’re interested on a dreary Thursday.  I’m usually not one to praise Grantland, they are shameless idea stealers after all, but the piece on a group of old sportswriters who were called “The Chipmunks,” is an interesting read.  I think Grantland is at it’s best when it takes some time and uses all the access it has to come up with something like this.  Anyone can write a snarky Mad Men episode review, but it takes some clout to put this together.

Along similar lines, Deadspin’s examination of the Sara Phillips controversy (scam? scandal?) is probably the best thing I’ve ever read on their site.  This is a couple of days old by now, but if you haven’t gotten the particulars, Sara Phillips was an internet personality that rose to some level of fame through the message boards at a sports gambling site called Covers.com.  She was eventually plucked from the boards to create her own content and made her way to ESPN’s Playbook Page, which is a new incarnation of their former Page 2.  It becomes interesting when you start to realize that ESPN may have hired Phillips without ever meeting her in person, and then she started to use her loose association with the company to defraud various bloggers/twitter handles/meme creators by promising them big dollars and a partnership with ESPN.  If you ever wanted to know how to hijack an extremely popular Twitter feed–check out the link.

 ***

Big Flyers game three tonight against Jersey in Newark.  What a shame the Devils don’t play at the Meadowlands anymore.  That feels like a more appropriate home for them.  Last night the Rangers won a game 3 in 3OTs, and those are the kind of games that people love to say turn a series.  I’m not sure if that’s accurate or just some cherry picking hindsight.  Regardless, you want to win those odd-numbered games.  Flyers Kitten?

Still The Beat Bang.

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The Boondoggle Tank.

T.O., Have You Heard of the Condiment Revolver?

To make this post I’ve got to make a slightly embarrassing confession.  I watch the Shark Tank.  For those of you that rightfully and admirably have no idea what that is–it’s a reality show.  There are five very wealthy “sharks” (sometimes including Mark Cuban!) and they watch proposals from inventors, small business owners, etc. and decide whether or not to invest in the company.  It’s a great opportunity for the people coming on the show, because the exposure alone is worth possible millions for their business, but it’s usually a good opportunity for the “sharks” as well.  They, at least in theory, are good business people.  They’re in the position of power and they often squeeze sweetheart deals out of the people who actually created the product.  

Aside from enjoying the cocky sharks throwing money around, I like watching for the ideas.  Some are incredibly good and you know right away the person will be rich with or without the sharks.  But some are terrible.  The producers usually throw in one bomb a show and the investors tear them to shreds.  ”Eighteen hundred in sales!  Get out of my sight!”  The crazy thing is, the people with the terrible ideas think they’re great ideas.  They leave with their held high.  I’m not going to give up, they say, and then they go borrow another 20-grand from an unsuspecting relative.  

My idea is to unite these people with a passion for horrible ideas with a group of investors who have a track record of making terrible, fortune eroding investments.  What class of people are famous for blowing large sums of money?  How about athletes?  Athletes these days are really the perfect target for fraud.  They come into a ton of money in a short period of time, they often don’t have much experience being wealthy or managing any type of wealth, but more than that they all are willing.  A lot of these guys want to do the right thing.  They want to invest.  They want to be smart and secure, but since they don’t really know what they’re doing, they throw money at anyone who says the word, “opportunity.”  This is how you hear of guys who made 9 figures in their career ending up broke.  Oh you wanted to build a condo complex in some Florida swamp?  I can’t believe that didn’t work out.  

Now, I know this show sounds a little dark.  Watching people lose money–what kind of person am I?  Well, the twist is, it’s not an actual show like Shark Tank.  It’s more of an intervention.  You get the four or five athletes together.  You get the people who have sunk their life savings into a horrible idea and you let them in a room together.  You watch them negotiate.  You watch the terrible decisions be made, but then right before the next Antoine Walker cuts the check you have someone charge out from backstage and stop the transaction.  The final step is you sit down the athlete and the person with the horrible idea with a legitimate financial advisor.  They tell the athlete to save their money, they tell the contestant to give up hope on his solar-powered dog trimmer and it’s a happy ending for all.  I think this is a pretty easy sell.  

***

Weekend Wrap-Up…

1.  We have a Bryce Harper Debut.  The Nats rushed Harper a bit because their LFs were hitting .087.  Can’t do much worse than that.  Harper looks pretty comfortable in the early going, and Washington’s division lead allows him to come up without huge expectations.  He’s just a young guy hitting 7th right now.  The Nats could eventually use some help on offense, though.  They’re just 5-5 in their last 10 and leaning heavily on that pitching staff.  The only sign that Harper is a little wide-eyed?  After Matt Kemp’s walk-off homer on Saturday, Harper rattled off Kemp’s stats to the letter.  ”He’s hitting .440 with 11 jacks and 24 RBI,” Harper said.  Those were his exact numbers.  You’ll almost never see a baseball player do that.  They might know a guy’s stats, but they’d never ADMIT it.  Tough to play it cool when you sound like a Matt Kemp Roto owner in the clubhouse after the game, Bryce.  

2.  Flyers slipped by the Devils in OT.  I was at the Phillies game, so I missed most of the action, but I hear that the Flyers TOTALLY DOMINATED after some initial rust.  You can’t keep Briere down in the playoffs.  He’s either kicking pucks in illegally, or rifling shots from the point.  

3.  Derek Rose blew an ACL.  This is bad news for Heat-haters like myself, and I suppose the people in Chicago as well.  President Obama is probably crushed.  It won’t alter the series against the Sixers.  The Bulls could play any five guys and cruise, but it seems to really open up the East for the Heat.  What Miami did to New York over the weekend was…uncomfortable.  I kept waiting for someone on the Knicks roster to say, “No means no.”  Elsewhere in the NBA, the Grizz blew a 24 point lead in the 4th quarter.  That really shouldn’t be possible.  

4.   The Redskins were riding high with their selection of RG3 on the opening day of the draft.  Then, they took another QB prospect–Kirk Cousins.  Now, Cousins is a prospect in relation to RG3 like Miller 64 is a beer in relation to Sierra Nevada.  Still, though, I viewed this as Washington controlling their own image.  All this positive buzz from Griffin and they just said, “Whoa, whoa whoa. We’re still the Redskins.  We’ll still make terrible decisions at the drop of a hat.  Know that.”  The real test will be for the ‘Skins fan base.  If they even think of getting behind Cousins, they should all turn in their pig snouts and dresses.  

5. Historic episode for Roger Sterling on Mad Men last night.  The veteran ad-man was scuffling a bit this season, feeling a bit like a horse put out to pasture, but one week he’s taking some LSD and the next week he’s the Roger of old.  On fire.  I won’t ruin it any further, but Roger could be one more black-tie function away from regaining the upper hand in the accounts department.  

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Pretty Much Everything.

One Minute After the Longest, Most Awkward Hug of All-Time.

Bit of a shoddy week around here.  What can you do?  I’m going to try to remedy the light content week with a real big flourish heading into the weekend.  All quantity, no quality.  It’s a 4-sport weekend in Philadelphia.  They don’t come around too often.  With the Sixers mail-in last night and the Eagles not blatantly tanking the 1st round–things have gotten off to a pretty solid start.  The rundown….

NFL DRAFT:

Great 1st round.  Thank you for not taking six hours.  Back in the day, you’d turn the Draft on at noon and they’d crank out about 4 picks an hour.  It was torture.  Then again, you could go out and play a round of golf and come back to find you’d only missed about 1/2 a round.  With the clock trimmed to 10 minutes and with teams trading up with specific players in mind, the picks came in a quick rhythm.  In fact, if ESPN hadn’t been slowing things down a bit, I think they could have done 2.5 hours.  Maybe next year.  Observations…

1.  Roger Goodell really liked ALL the draft picks.  Maybe too much.  There are handshakes, there are congratulatory hugs and then there’s what Goodell was doing last night.  He put together a 32 game winning streak in the game “nervous,” that’s for sure.  He locked onto those picks and just wouldn’t let go.  After the standard jokes were made…it just became uncomfortable.

2.  The Eagles traded up and took a player the fans wanted.  Or at least had on the radar.  A couple of years back the Eagles pulled the same thing, the fans waited for Goodell to announce Earl Thomas, but he said Brandon Graham instead.  Shock and anger from the masses.  Fast forward to Thomas being a total beast (the bypassed JPP as well) and Graham hardly ever seeing the field and you’ve got one nervous fan base when the Eagles’ card comes to the podium.  Cox was a chalk pick, though.  It’ll be tough to pin this on the front office if he doesn’t pan out, because everyone liked the guy.

3.  Speaking of busts, I don’t want to be negative, but would Andrew Luck be the biggest bust ever if he doesn’t turn into a franchise quarterback?  You can’t be a bust without hype and Luck is unmatched in that category.  What struck me about Luck is that he’s a total goof.  He fails the “face test.”  But as I tweeted last night to my 15 followers, Eli has shattered the scale for the “face test,” and completely erased its validity.  But still, massive face test failure for Luck who looks and sounds like an oversized Little Leaguer.  I’m nervous about how he’ll survive his 1st season with 21 gaping holes around him in the locker room.

4.  I always get that twinge of regret every year when my dream corner gets taken.  Joe Haden to the Browns.  Gut shot.  Patrick Peterson to Arizona.  Bitter pill.  But Morris Claiborne to Dallas last night was a whole new level.  The Cowboys run a draft like I would.  Throw caution to the wind, trade up, and take the guy with name value.  How can that go wrong? Their prize was Claiborne, who should help their secondary immensely, but won’t be able to help Tony Romo is his quest to qualify for the US Open.  Interesting side-note about Claiborne, in response to his reported score of “4″ on the Wonderlic  (that’s quite low), he said he tanked the test on purpose, because he’s out of school and didn’t see any questions about football.  Oh, Mo, we really could have had something.

5.  We’ve now gone 21 straight years without a draft pick wearing jean shorts.  Brett Favre is Cal Ripken and Joe D all rolled into one on this one, I think.  Even Brandon Weeden, who appeared to be watching from home, threw together a look that I’d describe as “Graduate Assistant.”

Lloyd Christmas Meets every 7th Grader in 1992.

NHL Playoffs:  

After a long, luxurious wait the Flyers will face the Devils in round two.  Did I say I wanted the Devils?  I wanted the Devils.  New Jersey slipped by Florida in game 7 to set up a familiar playoff matchup.  Of course, the history with New Jersey is not as fresh as it feels.  I can take myself back to the painful playoff series of the Lindros era and it feels like it happened yesterday.  The truth is, it’s been a long time and about the only familiar face left is Marty Brodeur.  The New Jersey teams that stepped over the Flyers on the way to the Cup don’t exist.  In fact, you could argue the demons have been exorcised.  In 2004 and 2010, the Flyers dismissed the Devils from the playoffs with relative ease.  What I want out of this series is to send Brodeur into retirement on a sour note.  I’d like to see him peppered and then pulled.  The biggest obstacle facing the Flyers would appear to be their long layoff.  It hasn’t kept Vegas from bumping the Flyers up to their second choice at 9:2.  Flyers Kitten will probably pop up next week, but in the meantime, he wanted me to let everyone know that Still the Beat Bang.  Keys and Prediction….

1. Get to Brodeur Early in the Series
2. Continue Power Play Dominance
3. Stay out of Giroux’s Way
4. Keep an Eye Out for Scott Stevens…Just in Case
5. Flyers in 5.

***

Phillies vs. Cubs–4 Game Set in Search of a .500+ April.  

The Phils closed their trip in fine fashion against Arizona.  They scored 20 runs in the series and by Sunday, their run production was being taken a bit more seriously.  They’ve got a golden opportunity to keep things going against Chicago. The Cubs are struggling in the early going, and have given up nearly 5 runs a game, which a ton in the modern NL.

Stat of the Day in an Attempt to Gain Perspective:  Washington Nationals 69 Runs scored (14-5 record).  Philadelphia Phillies 63 Runs scored (9-10 record).

I think there might be a bit of a misconception out there about how well the Nats are playing.  As you can see, they’ve scored a grand total of 6 more runs than the Phillies this season.  Or, .3 more runs a game.  That surplus has added up to five more wins.  So even though we’re apoplectic about the Phillies offense, the Nationals offense is a bit dreadful in its own right.  They’re being bolstered by a preposterous 2.2o Team ERA, which is not sustainable.  Especially when you realize they’ve played their 1st 19 games against Chicago, Cincy, SD, Houston and New York who are a combined 20 games under .500.  You could say much of the same about the Phillies in the early going, but that’s the point.  Washington has pitched a little better and gotten a bit more timely production.  So, just for the record, the Phillies aren’t chasing down some indomitable beast.  The Nats are a team with good pitching and a favorable early schedule.  They can easily be run down over the next 143 games.

So, anyway, important for the Phils to win this series against Chicago to keep momentum going for the big Atlanta/WSH trip that kicks off May.

NBA Playoffs:  

Yesterday I heard the NFL is getting pretty close to putting the Pro Bowl to bed.  A mercy killing.  So appropriate.  I had hoped they were going to do the same thing with the NBA playoffs, but it looks like they’re going to go ahead and press on for the next 3 months.  Don’t cancel your July NBA Finals parties.  It’s going to happen.  In a strange turn of events, and despite their best efforts, the Sixers have tumbled into the playoffs as the #8 seed in the East.  Their reward is a matchup with the Chicago Bulls.  The Sixers are 100:1 to win the NBA Championship.  Do NOT take a little taste of that.  Consider this your NBA Playoff coverage unless something really comical happens to the Heat.  Go Knicks!  Melo for MVP!

A Breath From Sports:  What the Hell Happened To John Cusack?

Have you seen the preview for Poe, or whatever that Edgar Allen Poe atrocity is?  John Cusack has become the Shannon Tweed of the half-hearted suspense stink bomb. Let’s take a road trip to Cusack’s IMDB page.  Looking at the titles, it appears that Cusack saved his career once and then blew it.  Peruse the following:

Teen Star Era:

1. Sixteen Candles
2. Better Off Dead
3. Stand By Me
4. One Crazy Summer
5. Say Anything

Now Cusack could have just faded away there as a legend of the 80s, but he instead decided to fail as an adult actor for some time.  Have you seen Grifters?  It’s got career-ending potential.  But Cusack hung tough.  He kept shooting.  That’s the only way to break a slump.  It allowed him a bit of a revival.

Finally Shook the “In Your Eyes” Moment Era:

1. Grosse Pointe Blank
2. Pushing Tin
3. Being John Malkovich
4. High Fidelity

Right around this time, you’re thinking, Man–that Cusack.  He’s like an uglier, more neurotic Hugh Grant.  Sky is the limit.  But no.  It turns out that Cusack can’t REALLY carry a movie.  He’s like a AAAA player in baseball.  He can do weird.  He can do kind of funny, but there are limitations.  Instead of cultivating those limitations and showing up in only oddball roles like his sister, Cusack has insisted on being the leading man, which has sent him slaloming down the slopes of script quality.  It leads to roles in moves like 1408 (about haunted hotels) and 2012 (about the world ending) and The Factory (starring no one) and now finally The Raven (I looked the name up).

The point of all this is, you can put John Cusack as the star of your movie, but it’s a little like batting Ty Wigginton cleanup.

***

Ok, there you go.  A mega-post.  A pile of unrelated junk to take you into the weekend.  Be sure to tune in next Friday when we lay down an absolute stone-cold, mortal Exacta lock in the Kentucky Derby.  Have a good one…

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This Stuff Happened — 4/19/12

USA! USA! USA!

Oh dear.  Most fast-food innovations I can shrug off.  I’m desensitized.  But other times, like when KFC introduced its chicken for bread sandwich, you just have to sit back in awe.  Here’s a new offering from Burger King.  I’m thinking the standard sundae was suffering from lagging sales?  People need to be lured in by a dessert.  It’s got to be provocative.  You’re grandpappy’s sundae doesn’t do the trick.  So, why not throw a piece of bacon on that puppy?  Problem solved.  It’s a bit excessive in my opinion, but if the bacon sundae catches on in the Nashville test market, maybe it will come to a BK near you.  I take a little shot at the gordo-inclined USA in the caption there, but we are not alone.  Pizza Hut has come out with a hot dog stuffed crust for their UK market.  I’m pretty sure the Brits know as much about good food as they do about going to the dentist, so I’m sure they’ll snap this up.  It comes with a mustard drizzle!

***

The Colts have finally made the least surprising decision in all of sports.  They’ve told Andrew Luck that he’ll be the first pick in the draft.  The Colts played it coy for a bit, even tried to lure RG3 in for a private workout, but this was always going to be the pick.  Of course, this means that Griffin will end up in Washington.  This is good news for all the people in Virginia who already got their customized license plates.  Now that we know for sure where Luck and Griffin will go, it kicks off what will probably be a career long comparison between the two quarterbacks.  Luck is considered the top prospect, but Griffin will head to a team that has a little more talent around him.  Interestingly enough, the picks the Colts make after Luck in this Draft could be almost as important as Luck himself in the early going.  If they don’t fill holes, they’re risking stunting his growth in a Sam Bradford-esque way.

***

There’s a 13-year old playing in the Volvo China Open (European Tour) this week.  Guan Tian-lang of China is the youngest competitor to ever tee it up on the European Tour.  Some people have questioned the way Guan was squeezed into field.  He finished fourth in a qualifying event, but only made the field after a player ahead of him was given an exemption.  He’s certainly not without credentials though, having romped to an 11-shot win in the World Junior Championships.  Guan is a bright star in what China hopes will be a growing presence in the game of golf.  He’s already (to a troubling degree?) committed to his golf game and has mapped out his plan to breakthrough on a major stage.  He’s got ten years to catch up to Rory McIlroy.

***

Donovan McNabb anointed himself a Hall of Famer yesterday.  McNabb is approaching Jose Canseco in terms of overestimating his own ability and in the last year or two, he’s done everything in his power to alienate his few remaining fans and tarnish his legacy.  Not only did his stats fall off the face of the earth, but McNabb has never been accountable.  If there’s one thing that hindered McNabb in Philadelphia, that might be it.  People bring up race, his lack of success in the biggest games, and his odd-ball personality, but the worst thing I can say about Don is that he never took the heat.  He was always deflecting, always casting himself as a victim, and he’s still doing it to this day.  I heard a discussion a couple of days ago on Pat Burrell and why he was liked so much in Philadelphia.  Well, Burrell was the opposite of McNabb in this sense.  He might not have always delivered the message, or delivered it sweetly, but Burrell always placed the blame for his numerous slumps solely on his own shoulders.  People appreciate that.  They don’t appreciate McNabb’s antics, and I’m not sure how HOF voters will react to McNabb electing himself.  So humble, Don, so humble.

***

Tom and Daisy Buchanan?

100 days until the Summer Olympics in London!  Phelps vs. Lochte.  Choose your swimmer.  I haven’t heard a ton of buildup for the Summer Games yet, but I imagine the hype will start soon.  Will Usain Bolt run the 100 in 8.00?  Maybe.  Above you see the athlete’s get-up for the Opening Ceremonies.  Ralph Lauren, ladies and gentleman.  A little heavy on the white, but hey, you could do worse, I suppose.  Little preppy, little Bobby Jones, but we’ll see how it looks in person.

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Weak End.

I'm 3.4 billionth in line to be King of England, 5th in Line to be Saints Head Coach.

The picture and caption are my lone comment on the Saints coaching situation.  I don’t have the energy to go into detail.  Hence the title of the post, “Weak End.”  I’m not sure how strong we’re going to close out the week.  Remember those Aussie T’s?  They had a shop at the King of Prussia Mall.  They were so edgy.  I had one that said, “See It. Fear It. Own It,” on the back.  I wore it around like I was free-climbing sheer rock faces on the weekend.  Very regrettable.  Almost like having a “No Fear” decal on your car.  I loved that shirt.  Anyway, they had another shirt that said, “Seven Days Without Soccer Makes One Weak.”  That’s what I thought about when I cranked out that awful pun in the headline.

***

I bet you are all anxious for a Flyers Kitten Update.  What’s he been up to?  Well, I decided to Google our good friend this A.M. and I found out that Flyers Kitten is a lot more famous than we let on here.  Perhaps you remember last year when Flyers Kitten went on a tirade about Ed Snider.  Actually, you probably don’t remember.  Flyers Kitten’s salty mouh wasn’t too well received around these parts.  The post didn’t even generate a “HA.”  It was a total, “is thing on,” moment for me.  But, what was lost on some was latched onto by others.  The Flyers Kitten YouTube video, which now has over 1,100 views, was also posted on Crossing Broad.  Crossing Broad is one of the most popular Philly sports blogs, and I know this because the guy who writes it has tons of haters and there’s no better indication of internet success than people ripping you in the comments section all day.  I’m just sorry I didn’t see this video when it was posted.  Opportunity lost for Flyers Kitten.

In terms of the actual series…The Flyers play tonight and Sunday afternoon against the Penguins.  Golf in 80 degree weather on Sunday afternoon or Flyers game?  Tough call.  By coming back to beat Pittsburgh on Wednesday night, the Flyers flipped the home ice in their advantage and guaranteed that every Flyers fan is now expecting a Cup run.  It doesn’t take much with the Orange and Black faithful.  I’ve already talked myself into it–come on aboard.  Standing in the Flyers’ way is Vegas.  Prohibitive favorites to win the series and favorites to win the Stanley Cup, the Pens have been installed as beefy (-200) favorites tonight.  It’s the biggest line on the board.  That would tell me that we’re coming back to Philly tied at one game each, but if the Flyers don’t get down two, three to zero tonight, who knows?  Flyers Kitten is sticking with his prediction of Flyers in 3.  Still the Beat Bang.

***

About 30 seconds before he homered last night, Ty Wigginton popped up in foul territory.  I had a Wigginton diatribe on the tip of my tongue, another pop up?  In his first two at-bats, he’d seen two pitches.  Ty, this isn’t Grand Slam.  You don’t have to swing at every pitch to get your token’s worth (still operating on 1994 Grand Slam knowledge when they used tokens).  In general, the whole Nix/Wigginton/Thome thing hasn’t exactly flourished in the early going.  Three slow, free-swingers.  Just what the doctor ordered to fill in for one slow, free-swinger who actually hit home runs.  But, Gabby Sanchez couldn’t catch the pop up, Wigginton homered, and he bought himself another six or seven at-bats.  For me, it was symbolic. This team is going to take your right to the edge of losing your mind.  If you allow it…

The second straight win over Florida evened the Phillies’ record at 3-3 and .500 has never looked so good.  There’s a cavernous gap between 2-4 and 3-3.  Don’t want to let the Nationals get too far out in front.  The truth is, every win is going to be important for this team until they get healthier.  A 3-1 win on Thursday was just as pretty as the seven runs they plated the night before.  A realist says the Phillies are starting players at 4 positions who wouldn’t be regulars on many other (if any) teams:  1B, 2B, 3B, LF.  Throw in the pitcher and that’s one patchwork lineup.  The Phils are working at it, though, and look a little better than they did heading into last weekend.

The Mets slink their way into town this weekend without David Wright.  Not seeing Wright on the field should allow Philly fans to curb their obsession for the “Worley and Brown for Wright” Mega-Deal that they seem to think could be pulled off with one simple phone call.  Bad News:  Nobody is coming through a trade for a good while.  Good News:  The Mets started well, but are still crap.  Phillies have to shrug off knuckleballer R.A. Dickey tonight before they get a match against whipping boy, Mike Pelfrey, over the weekend.  Phils got that first two of three last night, time to keep churning them out.

***

Pitcher of the Day Bet:  Status–($125)

Wow.  Never has a theory started so ominously.  I actually think it could be a good sign.  I’ve been humbled, embarrassed, it’s time to move on.  Dust myself off.  It was a mistake taking Greinke on the road.  Lesson learned.

Today’s Pick:  David Price (+105) vs. Boston.  I’ll do 100 to win 105.  Price is another popular Cy Young pick, and had the best start of the aces that are going back to the hill today for their 2nd start.  You’re welcome, Boston!

***

Quiz of the Day For Old Times Sake:  Beer Logos.  

Theme:  Stock Your Coolers.

My Score:  24/25.  Shameful.

Everyone enjoy the weekend, hopefully come Monday, we’re talking commanding Flyers lead and 5-4 Phillies juggernaut.

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