That 3-2 Dream.

I don't see Tom Brady Throwing A TD to Little Johnny Moynihan in 2027.

I don’t see Tom Brady Throwing A TD to Little Johnny Moynihan in 2027.

Are there less sons of professional football players in the NFL than in other sports?  The other night the Giants played a game where Bruce Bochy was managing his son, who was pitching to Tom Gordon’s son, it was all quite incestuous. Obviously the case of a father and son on the same team (see the Griffeys) is extraordinarily rare, but in baseball it seems like fathers at least coach, or coach against their sons on a somewhat regular basis.  This is something else that doesn’t necessarily happen in the NFL.  It’s so hard to be an NFL head coach it seems like being a player is almost a disadvantage? Oh, you weren’t a graduate assistant under a Bellichick protege and then a “quality control assistant” during your twenties? Sorry, back of the line with your Pro Bowls and Super Bowl rings.  It’s certainly better to be related to an NFL coach if you want to coach than to play the game professionally.  If you grew up watching pops draw on napkins, you can ride that all the way to glory, or to the head job with the Jets.  YOUR CHOICE.

The question is, is it smart to coach kids, or is it just better to interfere with the actual coach from the sidelines?  Certainly no one can just let their child be coached, right?  You must have some opinion, so why not offer it up in an official capacity? Of course, you could be a terrible coach, in which case, you probably want to save the other 12 youngsters and just ruin your own kid with your terrible theories and techniques.  A real conundrum, not unlike trying to figure out the National Football League, a sport where the Saints can lose to the Browns, yes those Browns.

NFL Pick ‘Em Standings: 

  1. Grossy, 3-2
  2. DC, 5-5
  3. Kraft, 4-6
  4. Big Dub, 4-6

***

The “Ken Griffey Jr.” Pick of the Week:  Grossy, Philadelphia +3

Well, this could be my only lead of the year.  If you remember my pick, I talked vaguely about poor defense for both teams (that happened!) and then I made some arbitrary comments about just taking the points when in doubt.  That’s ANALYSIS.  I also said I don’t much like Foles, which is still the case after Darren Sproles strapped the team on his back Monday night. Sproles and the refs put on quite a show.  I’ve always been fond of Sproles, for fantasy purposes, going back to his SD days, but watching him play regular football is still quite entertaining.

The “Pete Rose Jr.” Awful Pick of the Week:  Kraft, Tampa Bay (-6) 

Kraft, as the resident expert on all horrible Florida football, gets judged quite harshly on these games.  As a professional handicapper, he’s expected to have all the hot tips on the Bucs and Jags.  If there is going to be a week where Jacksonville doesn’t get outscored by 11 TDs in the 2nd half, I expect Kraft to have his finger on the pulse.  Now, I’m not so sure.  I guess he didn’t see Austin Davis coming.  Then, who did?

***

The 3-PT D.A. of the Week:  MATT CASSEL!

Eli ONLY threw two interceptions this week (not bad, kiddo!) and really I couldn’t do that to him every week, though the humor of it I think would have eventually settled in.  We are running out of time to enjoy Matt Cassel.  The Vikings have themselves in a really awful PR spot right now with the AP situation and it might appease the fans and take some attention away from the negatives if they just said, “Hey Look, Bridgewater!”  Also, Matt Cassel is terrible and shouldn’t be a starter in the league.  It was a D.A. symphony from Cassel, who threw 4 INTS (1 returned for a TD), was sacked six times, and managed to complete barely 50 percent of his passes.  Checking the abacus, that’s about 50 D.A. points.  BOOM.

***

The Return of the Definitive, Yet Arbitrary, Top 10.

  1. Denver, 2-0. Great Regular Season Team.
  2. Seattle, 1-1. 1/2 free pass for getting Gates’d.
  3. Carolina, 2-0. Great D. High Water Mark.
  4. Philadelphia, 2-0.  Awful D. Great “scat” back.
  5. Cincinnati, 2-0.  Sanu over Dalton?
  6. Buffalo, 2-0. For laughs, High Water Mark.
  7. Houston, 2-0. Still laughing, High Water Mark.
  8. San Diego, 1-1.  They beat Seattle!
  9. New England, 1-1.  They beat the Vikings!
  10. Arizona, 2-0.  Wins against the Giants don’t count.

Week Two NFL Picks.

Fire Up the BItcoin ATM.

Fire Up the BItcoin ATM.

I think all NFL rookie QBs should play immediately.  My curiosity demands it.  Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated the master class in “veteran” Chad Henne I watched last Sunday, but that didn’t stop me from wondering about Bortles.  This might come as a surprise to you, but I did not watch Jacksonville’s pre-season games.  I also did not catch much of Bortles in college, so when people start talking about Bortles actually being good–that’s something I want to see for myself.  Because, I’m still pretty sure Blake Bortles is going to be a pretty bad NFL quarterback, but I’d like to be proven right or wrong immediately.  I don’t want to wait why Bortles marinates like a Memorial Day flank steak.

It’s all about that instant answer, the appeasement of the ever shrinking attention span.  This is why betting on games is so fulfilling (for some people).  You may not know the outcome sometime until the final minutes, but I guarantee every casual or amateur bettor has chalked a game up as a win or a loss in their mind within the opening few drives.  Early lead?  Counting that money.  Early deficit?  Go to the quiet place and look for the next game to bet on.  With that in mind, here are some games that I’ll be unusually interested in…

GROSSY: 0-0

Carolina (-3) over Detroit.  

Now that Megatron is off my fantasy team for the first time in years (not my fault), I can look at Detroit a little more objectively.  Skinny Matt Stafford does look dangerous, but there’s just something odd about this line?  As I mentioned in the last post, Carolina was a popular pick to fall off a cliff.  Yet they won week one (with DA) and now are favored against a playoff team?  Someone is trying to tell you that the Panthers are back, baby!  I don’t care if Cam plays or not, I hear about Detroit’s defensive front all the time and yet teams continue to put up mountains of points against them.  Lions wilt in that southern humidity…

Tennessee (-3.5) over Dallas.

Dallas is horrible.  Is there a Dallas/Giants prime time game this year, because I am already dreading that slop.  Jake Locker appears to be rounding into a very average NFL quarterback, but that’s more than enough to coast here.  I would not be surprised if the Titans won by double digits, and I’m not sure I’ve said that since 1997.

New England (-3) over Minnesota.  

Doesn’t really feel like the Patriots are going to start 0-2, does it?  Minnesota blew out the diaper fire that is St. Louis, but I wouldn’t get too ahead of yourselves up there in southern Canada.  Belichick knows how to beat Cassel.  He taught him everything he knows!  Seriously, though, this line is probably at least double this last week.

Atlanta (+5) over Cincinnati.  

Last season I fearlessly picked the Falcons to go to the Super Bowl.  I’m not sure they won a game.  But, I think the Falcons have drug themselves out of the league’s basement for this season and the Bengals are never, ever a team I’d feel real comfortable laying points with.  Road dogs against the shell of the Steelers?  Sign me up, but I’m not ready for a world where Cincy is a comfortable home favorite against everyone.  I don’t care how much money they gave the Rojo Gunslinger.

Philadelphia (+3) over Indianapolis.  

The Colts don’t stop anyone.  The Eagles don’t stop anyone.  Everyone seems to think that the Colts have to win this game, like it is pre-ordained by the bumbling commissioner himself.  I think it’s a total coin-flip, and since I have to pick the last game, might as well take the points.  For the record, I still don’t like Foies.

Big Dub: 2-3

  1. Pittsburgh (+2.5) over Baltimore
  2. Miami (-1) over Buffalo
  3. New York Giants (+2.5) over Arizona
  4. Cincinnati (-5) over Atlanta
  5. Chicago (+7) over San Francisco

Kraft: 2-3

  1. Tenneesee (-3.5) over Dallas
  2. Buffalo (+1) over Miami
  3. Green Bay (-8) over NYJ
  4. Chicago (+7) over San Francisco
  5. Tampa Bay (-6) over St. Louis

DC: 3-2

  1. Kansas City (+13) over Denver
  2. Atlanta (+5) over Cincinnati
  3. Detroit (+3) over Carolina
  4. New York Giants (+2.5) over Arizona
  5. New England (-3) over Minnesota

Tuesday Morning Self-Esteem Check.

I'm Sure Self-Esteem Remains High.

I’m Sure Self-Esteem Remains High.

Is it possible the NFL could become less popular?  They are testing the fans right now.  The juggernaut they built through marketing, fantasy football, and gambling is starting to feel like some asshole driving around in an H2 with 40 inch tires getting 2.7 miles a gallon.  The league is a PR nightmare right now, but I’m still not sure that any of it matters.  From the reprehensible handling of the Ray Rice decision all the way down to the laughable Heads Up Football initiative, every decision the NFL makes lately is late, half-hearted, and done solely in their own interest.  I don’t think the fans really care, though.  They may offer lip service, Ray Rice will be loudly booed if he ever makes it back onto the field (he probably will), but no one is going to turn off the TV, no one is going to withdraw from their fantasy league.  The NFL just rolls on, and makes me wonder, what would have to happen for this league to actually take a hit?

NFL Pick ‘Em Standings: 

Picks for week one were conducted in a cloak and dagger manner over electronic mail.  Your host, the formerly prolific blogger, did not make any picks at all.  This is a good thing as heat and Coors Light induced dehydration likely would have clouded my judgement.  Moving forward expect us to revert to the traditional Pick ‘Em format, you know, that novel idea where you see the picks before the games actually happen.  Weird.  

  1. DC, 3-2
  2. Nichols, 3-2
  3. Kraft, 2-3
  4. Big Dub, 2-3
  5. Grossy, 0-0

The “Wheel of Fortune Slots,” Pick of the Week: DC, Minnesota (+3) over St. Louis.  

Let me just check the score here….yep, that’s 34-6 Vikings.  When was the last time Minnesota blew someone out?  That’s a serious question.  Was Jeff George the QB? Was it before Robert Smith retired to be an actor?  Minnesota’s role in this game was what was surprising to me.  I’m certainly not surprised the Rams put up six points.  That seems in line with the offensive machine they’ve assembled there, but look at the Vikes!  Cranking up 34 points on a defense that was a trendy pick to be among the best in the league.  Matt Cassel is a winner people!  Only thing this pick lacked was a definitive OUTRIGHT tag.  

The “Fro-Yo Bubble,” Awful Pick of the Week:  Various: Tampa over Carolina.  

I can produce the emails I received, but i’m sure you’ll take my word.  The Bucs were a hot trend this week.  The Bucs I said to myself?  I haven’t been following the NFL as closely as usual.  Is that hobbled giraffe that makes Nick Foles look athletic, Mike Glennon, their starting QB?  OH NO, it’s Josh McCown.  NOW I UNDERSTAND.  When a team turns the keys over to a McCown you sit up and take notice.  The amazing thing is, McCown lost convincingly to Derek Anderson.  Yep, that same Derek Anderson.  Maybe the, “Oh my god Carolina is going to drop to 4-12″ meme got a little too much momentum in the pre-season.  

***

The 3PT DA of the Week:  ELI MANNING!!!

I just decided right now that I would like to give this to Eli every week this season, and I can’t do that if he doesn’t win week one!  It was a pretty star-studded field for DA.  Mr. Anderson himself took the field and shredded the Bucs.  He’s back!  Nick Foles played what was probably the worst half of Eagles football since a Detmer.  The Rams had someone on the field named Austin Davis?  Anyone?  But, since I don’t really blog that much anymore, it wouldn’t feel right not taking an available shot at the Giants.  Has anyone ever blown a coverage on Megatron like that?  Honest question.  Has Megatron been that open since Pee-Wee?  Kind of feels like a guy you keep track of, but anyway, Eli was a steady 18/33 for a buck sixty and a couple picks. Also led the league in diaper load faces.  I don’t have the slide rule next to me, but that’s in the neighborhood of 30 DA points.  

Ok, we’re back.  Can’t wait to get after it next week.  

The Jean Short Open: The Year of the Vest.

Because Why The Hell Not?

Because Why The Hell Not?

What can you say about the Jean Short Open that hasn’t already been said?  Year six of the JSO is a bit like re-watching one of your favorite movies.  You know you are going to love it, but you aren’t sure if you are going to discover something you’ve never seen before.  Well, just like in all other areas, the JSO never, ever disappoints.  

For the first time ever the JSO was pushed to Labor Day weekend.  A devastating wrist injury (suffered before Sunday’s photo leak) pushed back the original date and after a special request by Rodger Goodell to not distract the nation from the start of the NFL season, we ended up choosing to spend part of our holiday weekend at fabled Pickering Valley Golf Club. 

What wasn’t new this year:

1.  I lost again!  What the hell is going on here?  Can you blame your partner two straight years when you have different partners.  Checking….nope, looks like I can’t do that.  The second year without the belt is not going to be any easier than the first.  Believe me.  

2. MOST CLOSELY CONTESTED ATHLETIC EVENT ON EARTH.  The JSO, for the 2nd time in 3 years required extra holes and for the 3rd straight year was all square headed into 18.  If the Ryder Cup produces half the drama, I’d expect monster ratings.  

3. I thought I had a good outfit, until I saw everyone else’s outfit.  

4. No one, and no animals were injured during the playing of the JSO.

5. Coors Light remains the beverage of choice (though just barely).

What was new: 

1. We broke a rule at Pickering.  Apparently there is at least one rule, and this year we finally broke it.  

2. Someone fell out of a golf cart. 

The Big Winners.

                                                                   The Big Winners.

One strange thing that happens with the JSO is you sometimes end up with similar outfits or themes.  After all, the championship belts only exist because two of them showed up independently one year.  So this year, not only did we have three vest, but these two ball strikers went for a formal flair, landing somewhere between Bagger Vance, The Good Humor Man, and an old-timey carnival barker?  Regardless, the point is, the greatness of the JSO lies in the fact that two people MIGHT show up in identical white newsboy caps.  

After our traditional parking lot beer, the day started with our first ever real reaction in the golf shop.  Should note that a group loading up their cars was equally horrified by our presence and one guy seemed to actively peel out in an attempt to dissociate from us as quickly as possible.  Or maybe he was late for his kid’s soccer game.  I DON’T KNOW.  So, in the shop the guy beyond the counter grumbled something about us “starting a new look,” and then made a horribly racist joke.  It was uncomfortable, and I don’t want people to judge Pickering as a whole, but our takeaway was, “We finally got someone to feel something.”  Progress?

The round started out well for yours truly and my partner.  After I birdied the 3rd hole to send us to 2 up, I said, “Don’t worry, it’s not like we’re going to shoot 66….or ARE WE?”  Spoiler Alert: We didn’t.  This is what the winners were up against:

That's a DIY Lee Denim Vest.

                                                         That’s a DIY Lee Denim Vest.

After the first few holes, things went back and forth for the rest of the front nine.  The one thing to note was the incredible beer pace that the winning team was setting.  These guys were hammering down adult beverages and not looking back. Was it hurting their games?  Do they have games to hurt?  So many questions.  In our cart there was some discussion as we played the signature 8th hole about whether or not our opponents could make it 18 holes.  Were they slow rolling us? Spolier Alert: YES!

So, we were one down going into nine, which turned into a real circus when The Mummers brought to you by Men’s Wearhouse was dislodged from his golf cart during a sharp turn.  No footage of this exists as it happened closer to the 18th hole than the one we were playing and things had gotten a little heated on the tee box over the lack of a “great shot point.” I forgot to mention that the JSO probably gets more competitive every year.  Anyway, someone finally fell out of a cart.  It took six years.  

Try to Explain this Picture.

                                                     Try to Explain this Picture.

Much like the front nine, we built an early lead on the back, taking holes 10 (reverse scramble) and 11 with ease.  I would say at this point we got overconfident.  But then the vagaries on the JSO started to catch up to us…

On 14, still up two shots, Haas hit his tee shot directly over his right shoulder (he’s a lefty).  This is pretty much a 180 degree angle to the tee box.  The ball rose, barely cleared the carts that were parked pretty much behind us, and landed like a butterfly.  That’s a great shot point.  Due to the complex scoring system, despite taking that and many other swings on the hole, Haas had a putt FOR EAGLE.  He does not waste such opportunities.  We were back to one up.  

Then, we get to 15.  Which is one club.  This has always held a special place in my heart as I fashion myself as an immensely more talented ball striker than I actually am.  But this year I chose my 7-iron, hit a good drive, scraped one near the green and secured us the win we needed to get back to 2-UP.  

Two up with three to go sounds comfortable, unless you are Mark Calcavecchia at the ’91 Ryder Cup, or you are about to play the 16th hole, which of course is: BEER PAR!  Our team decided to not go for beer par this year since we had the lead. We actually got quite close to making par anyway (Par 3 hole–drivers only), but that was of little matter as our opponents (MVP Haas again) easily did beer par, as always, and cut our lead in half.  

Seventeen is the easiest par-5 in the state of PA–on paper–made more difficult by a day’s worth of drinking and the relatively new rule that I have to hit my drive off the top of a water bottle.  

Finally a shot of my Coors Iron On Patch as I tee it up.

                        Finally a shot of my Coors Iron On Patch as I tee it up.

And this is me blabbing about how great I'm going to hit it.

             And this is me blabbing about how great I’m going to hit it.

I didn’t quite catch all of the drive, but thanks to my partner we were still in fine shape off the tee.  From there, I don’t really recall all the details, again lot of scoring details, but moral was we lost 17 as well.  Back to all square.  On the way to 18, our opponents got their cart stuck on a railroad tie.  This is the 2nd time in my life I’ve had to rescue a cart from a railroad tie and both times I was playing with this foursome. WEIRD.  That attempted distraction DID NOT WORK as we halved 18 and went on to extra holes.  At this point we headed across the parking lot to the 16th tee–thus leading to our first ever reprimand at Pickering.  You see, one of our outfits had changed…due to the rising humidity:

The Tank Top Had Been Engaged by Hole 19.

                  The Tank Top Had Been Engaged by Hole 19.

You see, there are a couple rules at Pickering.  One of which is, you must be in sleeves.  So, while darkness is about to fall and we’re about to play the most important hole of the year the guy from the shop comes out and tells us that a) we have to ask if we want to play extra holes and b) that shirt just isn’t going to fly.  It just “doesn’t look good.”  YEP, that’s what doesn’t look good at Pickering.  Anyway, we threw on some sleeves and got on with the playoff.  

As with all JSO playoffs, this one ended with a very short missed putt.  A three footer can break several inches on the 16th green at Pickering, such is the natural pitch of the land, and the greens are also incredibly slow, so this is quite the combination.  Our team missed two putts and that was all she wrote.  Another year of heartache.  It takes 24 hours to process all that Coors Light, but it’s another 365 until you get a chance to get that belt back.  

Reinventing Fast Food Breakfast.

If You Have the Stones To Order This, It Should be Available 24/7.

If You Have the Stones To Order This, It Should be Available 24/7.

On a scale of zero to Dunkin Donuts serving tuna sandwiches where would you rate the Taco Bell Waffle Taco?  For me, it’s a bit hard to determine, because this really isn’t a taco.  It appears to be a waffle sandwich, which while equally troubling, might be a bit less disgusting?  Does the sausage have Tex/Mex flavoring, because that would be a tremendous red flag.  Is that a pitcher of “dipping syrup” next to the taco?  I assume Taco Bell’s syrup comes from Not-Vermont?  What I don’t understand is why T-Bell thinks it can penetrate the breakfast market.  Are there people out there who think, “If I could only eat Taco Bell a fourth time a day…”

Anyway, the Taco Bell Waffle Taco is a part of a number of food innovations I’ve seen lately.  Some, like the cookie dough flavored Oreos appear to be inspired.  Others seem a bit haphazardly thrown together.  Is working in new product development for a fast food chain the easiest job in America?  Do they have a fat checker?  Just a guy at the top of the chain who is paid the big bucks to say, gut reaction–is this chubby enough?

I’ve actually had the opportunity to peruse some confidential fast food files and believe it or not, other fast food chains are not taking the Waffle Taco sitting down.  There will be a response.  A preview…

KFC:  Potato Oatmeal.

Not a new dish as much as a re-branding POWER MOVE.  The KFC potato oatmeal will be a bowl of mashed potatoes. They are focusing more on the “meal” than the “oat” in this effort and it’s expected to be a monster success.  Mix in chunks of your favorite breakfast meat for an additional $.49.

Wendy’s: SAC O’ BACON.

Wendy’s is on the leading of the bacon movement.  They will not be out-baconed and if you want 8 slices of bacon your burger, just walk into Wendy’s and tell them you got 7 slices at Burger King and they will give you the 8th ON PRINCIPLE.  The Sac o’ Bacon is essentially what it sounds like– 8oz of crisp bacon in a bag.  Complimentary bacon flavored mayo for dipping.

Pizza Hut: Pizzomelet.  

Are you familiar with the P’Zone?  This is a product that I was surprised to find still on the Pizza Hut menu.  It’s what the person who invented the stromboli feared might happen to the stromboli.  BUT, the Pizzomelet is a whole other animal.  It answers one of life’s greatest questions, “why can’t I eat this omelet with my hands?”  A buttery dough shell around that bad boy will solve all your problems.  Like everything else at Pizza Hut, a 3 lb side of penne alfredo will cost you only an additional $3.99.

Dairy Queen: Breakfast Blizzard.  

The Ice Cream for breakfast market is WIDE OPEN.  Dairy Queen is going to charge through the door with the breakfast blizzard.  Maple flavored soft-serve loaded with chunks of bacon.  Substitute scrapple for bacon in PA locations only.

Roy Rogers: Waffle Fixin’ Bar

The inventors of the Fixings Bar find a new muse.  The Belgian waffle.  The Belgian waffle crosses socio-economic lines.  It makes ANYONE feel like they are getting a classy breakfast.  You combine that with your choice of an array of syrups, sweet toppings, ice cream, and you have turned around an entire company–maybe.  Now just hop on a random turnpike and hope to find a location.

Burger King: Butter Nuggets

Is Burger King the most decadent of the fast food chains?  Has any other chain embraced what they are as much as Burger King?  Do we want to try to expand to a market that eats healthier, or do we want to continue to throw our loyal customers fastballs RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE?  I think Burger King leans toward that second philosophy and this breakfast trend has them ready to take the next step.  Much like the great French cooks, Burger King knows the value of butter.  What makes this taste good?  Butter.  So, lets cut to the chase.  Burger king is now proud to serve up butter nuggets (salted or unsalted) in 3, 5, 7 or 20 pieces.  ENJOY.

The Universal Skill.

This Car Must Have Been Without Driver.

This Car Must Have Been Without Driver.

It’s snowing a lot this winter.  How do I know?  I’ve spent a lot of time looking at the streetlights outside my apartment window.  Still coming down?  I learned to look at the light from a young age.  When I was a kid, praying for a snow day, I’d open up our back door–let in an inordinate amount of cold air–and stare at the porch lights.  That snow always looks more devastating while illuminated was besides the point.  Just show me something, anything, in that light–a two-hour delay?  Anything.

Of course now I’m mostly thinking about shoveling out my car, but I still look to the light and after a year or two of mild winters we’re getting our share this time around including a fresh ten inches or so a few days back.  What does all this weather mean?  It means it’s time for me to start hearing people talk about how well they drive in the snow.  And, to listen to them quietly–all the time thinking, “No, I’m really THE great snow driver.”

Before I move on with this, I’ll just offer the disclaimer that I am discussing Mid-Atlantic snow driving and snow totals.  I’m not trying to draw the ire of someone who is buried under five feet of lake effect.  This isn’t a contest.  At least not one you’d want to win.  Keep in mind this disclaimer does not apply to people who live in moderate climes, but spout off horsebleep like, “I went to summer camp in Buffalo,” or “I crossed the Rockies in a Volkswagen back in ’85.”  Being in a cold weather city for thirty seconds does not give you any special powers.

So, what is it about snow that makes people lose their ability to judge themselves?  Now, I know there are certain areas where people don’t often look in a true mirror, but most can admit to a shortcoming or two.  Let me be a good example.  I can’t sing.  I can’t perform ANY winter sports.  I can’t grow a mustache.  You get complete honesty from me on these issues, and I feel like I would get some agreement in the crowd.  Maybe you can’t carry a tune either, but what if I were to say I wasn’t a good driver in the snow?

Maybe you’d think, OH YOU’RE THE GUY, because we all know the terrible snow drivers are out there, it’s just that no one is taking credit for the fishtails, the sliding back down hills with the brakes locked, the gentle tumble into the guard rail.  And yet each time it snows we are all behind dozens of these people.

I think everyone has their own comfort level for driving in poor conditions.  A person who is driving a steady 10 mph through the flurries probably thinks they are doing a GREAT job.  After all, they haven’t crashed, right?  They are just sitting there, behind the wheel of their Civic (or whatever) thinking, MY GOODNESS, I can practically feel the tires gripping the road right now.  The guy in the jacked up F-350 behind them, though, is about to pop a few capillaries until they finally get the chance to rip by at 65 mph in a spray of slush and rock salt. When this pass inevitably happens, both parties are likely cursing the other, and thinking, “why can’t anyone drive in the snow?”

So, I have my own snow driving story from today.  I was on a particularly odd stretch of back road, trying to avoid a bit of traffic on the way home.  I’m headed up a winding hill and about halfway up the road forks and I take the fork. The fork, still moving uphill, immediately comes to an intersection and at that intersection is a school bus.  So, everyone is stopped and the car closest to the bus pulls toward the shoulder a bit.  The courteous thing to do?  It was narrow, but the bus had plenty of room.  What I couldn’t see is that under the snow debris the front car had inadvertently pulled into a little depression.  A now, icy, slushy depression.  Stopping for the bus had ceased all momentum for the front car and for traffic in general.  Several cars waited while little Petey and Marybelle meandered toward their driveway.

The blinking red lights stop, the bus pulls away but the front car is still motionless.  Is that the sound of a tire spinning?  The cars lined up behind are getting a bit impatient.  Incredulous.  “First time driving on a hill there, Chief?”  It gets to the point where the front car has to roll their window down and wave people around.  Go on ahead, SAVE YOURSELVES.  What was I thinking?  I was thinking, hurry and pass me so I can back out of this f*cking rut. That’s right, a perfect career of snow driving and a tremendous ego was shattered this afternoon.  Perhaps I am the one.  The one who cannot drive in the snow.

To Redeem Self-Esteem, Quiz of the Day Nostalgia.  Sports Team Logo Timeline.  My Score: 21/25.

Post-Christmas Check-In.

Anyone Get A Car With A Bow?

Anyone Get A Car With A Bow?

Hope everyone had a great Christmas, or holiday season in general.  Still a week of slacking left before that cruel wake up call, January 2nd comes around.  Such a downer.  In the middle of enjoying gifts, packing on those last few pounds, here’s a quick update for the 6 people involved.

NFL Pick ‘Em Standings:

  1. Kraft, 45-33-2
  2. Big Dub, 41-32-3
  3. Grossy, 42-34-4
  4. DC, 41-35-4
  5. Nichols, 40-38-2
  6. JCK, 35-39-1

As you caq see, Kraft remains in control, as both Dub and I failed to take advantage of his 2-3 week.  DC making a late charge, and JCK needs a 5-0 to get everyone over .500.

The “Epic Christmas Light Display,” Pick of the Week:  Nichols, Indianapolis (+6)

Didn’t see this one coming.  I would have loved an “outright” call here for emphasis, but tis the season to make generous assumptions.  I’m sure Nichols was expecting this Colts romp.  Either way, better than any pick I made.

The “Fruitcake” Awful Pick of the Week:  Grossy, Chicago (+3)

Oh, dear.  Did the Bears cover that number?  The funny thing is, the scenario played out exactly as I thought it would.  The Cowboys won, making the game meaningless for the Eagles.  The Bears needed the game to clinch the division.  It should have been a layup.  Then the Bears came out like the Flyers in a game seven against Ottawa, the Eagles were clicking and pounding their starters and it was a blowout from the jump.  Didn’t help the Eagles in the standings, didn’t help me in Pick ‘Em.  Merry Christmas.  I stink.

***

3-PT D.A. of the Week:  Ryan Tannehill.  

10/27 for 82 yards.  Shutout by the Bills.  Yep, that’ll do, Pig.

After one week of the D.A. Finals, Doubleback Vineyards leads Eli Esses D, 27 to 5.75.

***

Arbitrary, Yet Definitive, Top-10:

  1. Denver, 12-3.  A reliable blowout team
  2. Seattle, 12-3.  Whoops.
  3. New England, 11-4.  Hilarious when Baltimore gets blown out.
  4. San Francisco, 11-4.  Hottest team in NFC.
  5. Carolina, 11-4.  Massive win.
  6. Kansas City, 11-4.  Massive Loss.
  7. Arizona, 10-5.  I officially feel sorry for the Cardinals.
  8. Indianapolis, 10-5.  Possible AFC spoiler.
  9. Philadelphia, 9-6.  Suddenly impressive at home.
  10. Cincinnati, 10-5.  Dalton the anchor.