What Your Golf Shirt Says About You:

Whatcha Wearing?

The idea for this post was given to me by the Big Dub H.  I think it was a fine and winning idea, so I put it right into play.  There’s tons of golf shirts on the market.  Do you buy them haphazardly?  I don’t think so.  Your taste in golf shirts, like your taste in movies can be very revealing.  As someone who has been around his share of dry goods, let’s take a closer look…

NIKE/ADIDAS:

These are essentially the same thing.  If you like Tiger, you’ll skew Nike.  If not, you probably prefer Adidas.  Overall, this person will  buy anything “moisture wicking”.  They may own Under Armour boxer briefs.  For them, cotton is for candy, not golf shirts.  Golf is likely not their first sport, they probably took it up after the high school days ended, and brought their love of true athletic brands with them.  They are the later in life golf addicts, they practice, and probably even put their spikes on when they go to the range.

Hey! Look at Me! No, seriously Look. I'm Trendy.

PUMA:

You’re either under 25 or having a mid-life crisis.  If it’s the latter, you likely have shaved your head to cure your receding hairline and you think you look harder than MJ.  You pay attention to the bend of your hat’s brim.  You wear white pants (a lot).  You get happy when your shoes match your outfit perfectly.  You are not familiar with the color navy blue.  The colors you know have “electric” in front of them.  Orange and lime green is the sh*t.  You’re probably skinny, if you’re under 25 you need a haircut.  You think golf is extreme, but not as extreme as snowboarding.

It applies to you too Ladies.

POLO/FAIRWAY & GREENE/BOBBY JONES

You’re a brat.  Navy blue is GOD.  No one, in your humble opinion wears a golf shirt as well as Tom Watson.  You know your way around a country club.  You believe a nice preppy outfit can make up for other shortcomings.  A wrinkled 80 dollar shirt looks better than a crisp 40 dollar one.  You have a vanity handicap.  You know what paddle tennis is.  You introduce yourself by your nickname.  Your ball, is Titleist.  Titleist, Titleist, Titleist.  You have one really old club in your bag for nostalgia or to start conversations.  You play a lot of member/guests.  You think moisture wicking is a fad, and for the foul smelling riff raff.  You wear flip-flops (year round).

CUTTER AND BUCK:

You can’t make up your mind.  You’re over twenty-five, and white, but you don’t want to make any waves.  You agree with a lot of people.  You’re willing to give this moisture wicking thing a try (as long as it comes in Navy).  You have a pair of bright white sneaker cleats.  You wear everything tucked in.  Like, everything.  I’m talking t-shirt into bathing suit.  You don’t like playing for more than 2 dollars a side.  You are generous with gimmies.  You have exactly one drink after the round, and it’s usually a half&half.  There’s a rule book in your bag.

Page and Tuttle.

Page and Tuttle:

You think Target is a golf store.  You buy your golf shirts based on how well they’ll look with your jeans.  You think this armpit stripe thing is really going to catch on.  You like colors such as “used to be green”.  When someone asks if you want to go golfing, you don’t know for sure if they mean real golf or putt-putt.  You don’t own an iron.  You wear black shoes and black socks…with everything.  You’re a bargain hunter.  You play Big Brother irons.  Caddies run away from you as if you had Ebola.  You think x-outs are XXXX-tra good balls.

Some quick ones…

CALLAWAY:  You have really bad taste in clothing.

VINYARD VINES:  You like your preppy with a taste of obnoxious.  You wear red pants (a lot).  People love you.

TEHAMA:  You’re old.

WALTER HAGEN:  You think they sell Bobby Jones at Dick’s.

**That’s about it for now.  You know, all in good fun.  I have my own categories.  Please don’t take offense, just acknowledge that I’m right.   And, feel free to chime in with your own theories and experiences**

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25 thoughts on “What Your Golf Shirt Says About You:

  1. Dead. On.

    the best is that every time I put on one of these shirts I feel like I take on the persona of what you described.

    Nail on head.

    Probably my favorite blog post and I honestly could not stop laughing.

    Good stuff.

    The best comment was when you said, “You think Target is a golf store.” Best. Line. Ever. Can’t stop laughing.

  2. love it all.

    How about sweater vests? THe clip on ball markers that now people wear on their hat brims? What about the mock tee phase, that has people eschewing the collared shirt route only to wear golf’s version of a muscle tee (and no I don’t wear one of those)?

  3. Oh, really good questions:

    Sweater Vests is a hard one. The others first.

    Ball Marker on Hat: You buy things off informercials. You repeat other people’s jokes and phrases. You are self-deprecating in a unfunny way. You are always “looking for a game”. You only use the marker on your hat about twice a round.

    Mock T-A variation of Nike/Adidas, but you also think you are in better shape than you actually are. You wear sunglasses when you play (even when its cloudy). You think you hit driver 300 when you actually hit it 245.

    Sweater Vest: If you’re old…you think 70 degrees is chilly. You believe in layering. Turtlenecks are still a viable wardrobe option. You call blazers sport jackets. You smell like moth balls.

    If you’re young, you’re a poser. You think you are golf’s version of Kanye. You probably smoke weed in your mom’s audi station wagon. You like the color pink.

    • what about Ryan Miller? Where does he fall on this spectrum? He’s the guy with the oddly short brim and waayyyyyy too tight pants right?

      • Ryan Moore….yeah, last I heard he was wearing Urban Outfitters or something?

        My summary for that would be: You don’t play golf. You don’t shave that often. You keep looking for Vans to come out with a golf line…things like that.

        He’s an odd character Moore. Also signed a club deal with a company called Scratch Golf which makes custom clubs for good players only.

        Some of their initial designs, especially the wedges are getting great reviews.

  4. I like the adidas shirts – although by the end of a round you generally smell like the town dump and no one will sit next to you in the grille room.

    • It’s not the shirt JCK. It’s the 26 Heinekens that you drank on the front 9. They tend to make your natural scent ultra funky.

      • False….The Greatnesses do not drink beer on the golf course. Kettle please.

        Shame on you for that suggestion Nichols.

  5. another note on the ball marker on hat: it normally says something like “Shinnnecock 2003”- oddly enough that person has never been to the US Open at Shinnecock, probably couldn’t tell you what state Shinnecock is located in..etc.

  6. Visor is a great question.

    And i would think you already know the answer to capri pants for golf.

    I am starting to see more wristbands out on the golf course as well…

  7. Capri pants on any man are wrong. I still have a vision of Cygielman walking thru campus and my thinking how unnatural it was. Come to think of it, maybe it wasn’t the pants….

    Visor is definitely a great question. I’d have to think of that one a bit.

    Wristbands? Really? I haven’t seen any in ATL this season.

  8. Capri pants are similar to overalls on men no?

    People golf in ATL? I thought they just drank “syz-erp”, shot people and fell into the general urban malaise that we hear about.

    • Um, no. Overalls and capris are two very different sides of the fashion coin. Both horrible choices, but I’m not ashamed to say I made the mistake of wearing overalls. Capris, on the other hand, would make me was to kill myself.

      You’re damn right we golf in ATL. We clean up the tour down here. Funny. We ask the same question about you New Yorkers with the shooting and urban malaise. We do drink sweet tea like it’s water down here. But on the course we drink Daly’s.

      I owe you a call about our annual golf outing. Next time I’m taking a dump – the most likely time I’d think of you – I’ll call.

      • Let’s see….

        NY-Shinnecock, Bethpage, National, that new “race track” course, RCC, Baltestrol (sp?) to name a few.

        ATL-I’ll give you Augusta.

        Murder/Malaise-which city has had the higher murder rate in the last decade, per capita?

        On a brighter note, you have the third highest Lesbo/gay population behind san Fran…so you got that goin for ya!

      • I wasn’t saying that we have more courses than NY. Shit. You must be feeling really tiny today if that set you off.

        Thanks for “giving” us the Masters. I appreciate that. You forgot the Tour Championship at East Lake. That’s kind of a big one too. But, if you want to get technical, not one course you named is actually IN NYC. East Lake, on the other hand, would be within the Atlanta city limits. Just sayin.

        I’m not getting in a pissing match with you about ATL vs. NY. I love NY. I love ATL. Show me the murder stats though – that’s interesting. The gay/lesbo stats I’ll give you despite the vast difference in pop. between the two cities. I don’t mind that though. The Mrs. and I have plenty of gay/lesbo friends and enjoy every minute with them.

  9. I think I’ve only seen one pair of capri pants out on the golf course, so I can’t really form an opinion. I guess I’d say, if I saw them…well, you are that guy I saw one time.

    Visors:

    A lot of different kinds of people wear visors. They could be Fred Couples fans, a middle aged woman in a skort, its hard to come up with a real definitive consensus.

  10. Hmm…

    I forgot my jorts for the jean short opened approached capri length.

    what it says about us:

    we’re awesome. we like coors light. despite being adults we have a pretty low brow sense of humor? things like that.

  11. I will take a stab- the guy in that picture has a ball retriever, a “chipper”, plays with a pull cart, and plays persimmon woods

  12. I actually played with someone today that had a magnet on a fancy belt so he could put the marker on it. Definite midlife crisis.

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