Grading on the Curve.


Wrong Curves.


I think grading on a curve has been one of the great myths of my life.  It was a phrase you heard and at first didn’t even know what it meant.  Then, when I finally figured out what it was, and how awesome it sounded…I realized I would never have a teacher who did such a preposterous thing.  I took a grand total of one class in my entire life where the teacher used a curve.  And, don’t get me wrong, it came in handy, but it was never something you could count on.  If I was a teacher, I’ll be up front with you: I wouldn’t curve sh*t.  And, in the spirit of that, there’s no dressing up to be done for NFL Pick ‘Em and DA Fantasy Football standings.  The numbers are the numbers.

NFL Pick ‘Em Standings:

  1. Kraft: 29-20-1 (4-1 this week)
  2. Grossy: 25-21-4 (3-2 this week)
  3. Big Dub H: 25-22-4 (3-2 this week)
  4. Nichols: 26-23-1 (2-3 this week)
  5. JCK: 25-23-2 (3-2 this week)

The “Chili’s Bottomless Tostadas” Pick of the Week:

It probably doesn’t make much imagination to figure this one out.  We haven’t had a lot of diversity in the picks this year.  We’ve really been focusing on a lot of the same games.  It makes handing out this mini-award a little difficult.  Not this week, though.  It’s fitting that the Giants (are they good or terrible?) get so much talk here, because we can properly appreciate the magnitude of Big Dub picking the Cowboys.  When a team getting double-digits wins in a blowout?  That’s a pretty good pick.  I’m sure BK would say this was a lay-up, but he’s not picking games, so in this one rare instance, his opinion doesn’t really matter.

The “2-Chip, 3-Putt” Awful Pick of the Week:

I could call out Nichols for being a homer here, but we can’t have both of these going to the same game.  I could say that JCK got the luckiest cover of the week with the Jets.  When a game goes to overtime and you cover a 3 point spread? That’s a good turn of fate.  But, instead I’m going to give it to myself for picking the Vikings.  I did exactly what JCK did last week.  I started running my mouth about how the Vikings were lucky to beat the Cards, and then I went ahead and picked them anyway.  On the road.  I can take this one in good faith, though, because it looks like the Vikings and Farve are done.  Is there any way Farve is not a cautionary tale for the violence of the game in 15 years?  Yikes.

DA Football Standings and Summaries:


  1. The Slop Jocks 7-3
  2. Neckbeards and Codeine 6-4
  3. Team Motorboat 6-4
  4. BK 6-4
  5. Kraft 5-5
  6. Team Horse Face 5-5
  7. Dan 3-7
  8. Eli Esses D 2-8

Team Horse Face Picks up Much-Needed win Against Kraft (-4.5) to (-27)

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you it wasn’t a great week for DA stats.  Despite a week stocked with all the big names, there were tons of penalty yards put up, too many points scored in general and just not enough bad play.  This game was a good reflection of the whole week.  Team Horse Face, the overall point leader, put up their first negative showing of the year, but still got a win thanks mostly to Chad Pennington’s injury (21.25 points).  It was some karma for Kraft who used an injury to help secure a win last week, but he was helpless against the magical David Garrard (-44 points) in week 10. With 4 games to go, these two will be battling for that last playoff spot.

BK gets back to his winning ways, beats Dan 29.25 to 12.

BK was burnt by Brett Favre last week, so I was a little surprised to see him go back to the well on Sunday, but the great thing about Farve is…as long as he doesn’t throw for 400 yards he’s going to score for you.  And, he did against the Bears, throwing 3 picks and piling up 27 points.  Shaun Hill’s garden variety mediocrity (2.75 points) was the perfect compliment on this tough scoring week.  For the other side, Jay Cutler and Fitzy both scored positive results, but nothing to compete with 4’s slow downward spiral.

Team Motorboat Keeps Eye on Playoffs with 9.75 to (-20.5) win over Eli Esses D.

This was an interesting match-up.  I’m starting to feel a bit badly for our old friend Dub as he wallows away in this 8 game losing streak.  Sunday was a day of extremes for him.  He sniffed out Kerry Collins and rode that pick to 30.25 points, but just when things are looking good, Matt Cassell goes and throws for about 1/4 mile (-52.75 points).  Don’t think anyone saw that coming in a million years.  For his part, Team Motorboat took a much more even keeled approach.  He got 12 points from the never spectacular Colt McCoy and Sam Bradford’s decent day wasn’t enough to keep Nichols out of the win column.

The Slop Jocks Cruise 37.75 to (-46.5) in Battle for First Place.

Sometimes epic match-ups live up to expectations, and sometimes Troy Smith and Kitna conspire to sink a DA team. On paper this looked great, DA and McNabb vs. Kitna and Smith, but I guess Neckbeards wasn’t properly respecting the Garrett.  Kitna hung (-24.25 points) and Smith did about the same.  For The Slop Jocks, it was a Monday night affair without much drama.  No matter how “bad” Donovan was, he wasn’t going to be able to make up a 60+ point deficit on Brian’s behalf.  Both of these teams are still well positioned for the playoffs, but at 7-3, The Slop Jocks are our first outright leader in several weeks.

The 3PT DA of the Week:

I mentioned it wasn’t a great week for individual DA performances.  It seemed like every game I saw there was a DA quarterback in garbage mode.  That doesn’t help the bottom line.  One man stands out, though, and I never hesitate to give #4 in purple his recognition.  You also never know when it might be your last chance to give Favre a DA.  This is history we are dealing with, so I’m happy to go ahead and acknowledge Brett for his 18/31, 3INT, and 1 lost fumble effort against the Bears.  He was at least twice as bad as Jay Cutler statistically, and that’s damning in itself.  Special bonus points for Farve here for completely tanking the Vikings season.  You could make the argument that the Vikes would be better with Jackson this year, and I’d be listening.  Listening hard.

The Public Are Morons Theory:

We can’t seem to hammer down any firm trend here.  The masses did have some horrid picks this week, most notably (Tennessee), but they also won with an easy TB cover and a lucky New York Jets cover.  After two weeks, we’re sitting at 4-6.  Need a bigger sample.  We’ll press on.


9 thoughts on “Grading on the Curve.

  1. Also, the giants stink. And Mr. Kraft, feel free to apologize to me for saying that my pointing out that our o-line was decimated was basically a moot complaint. Really? You don’t know why Shawn Andrews/Boothe versus Demarcus Ware might be a reason the giants would suck? Steve Smith-out. Diehl-Out. O’Hara-Out. Kevin Boothe and William “Don’t Call me Warren” Beatty-In. Come on….talk to your old pal Stewie.

  2. I agree, it’s nice to see such a competitive balance for the most part. 6 of 8 teams still with a real good chance at the playoffs with 4 weeks left, pretty good stuff. it’s about to get pretty cut throat and real, I think.

  3. You can when it’s not just a “whoops, we overlooked them” type stinker and it’s a manifestation of real problems. There is zero O-line depth. Again, Kevin F*cking Boothe. He isn’t even a good college player right now. And he hasn’t been for 2 years. Steve Smith-gone. Barden-Gone. You realize that Shawn Andrews is starting at left tackle right? The same Andrews who the Eagles let go b/c he has serious back issues, oh yeah and he’s mentally unstable. Barrett Robbins anyone? This team stinks.

    The Eagles are the best team in the division with Vick at QB.

  4. Hm, well I did have that title for a movie concept, but the plot seems to be totally different. Of course, I mean I had Glory Days, and not that hacky pun.

  5. BK – I’d like to point out, for no other reason than to push your buttons, that Kraft primarily called you out on your “our center sucks” theory rather than the whole o-line complaint. He pointed out many good teams in the league and their amazing centers that must be the reason they are winning.
    Your o-line thoughts are compelling and have a high degree of truth to them, but don’t expand your initial argument in order to get praise from the group and recognition from Kraft. Jackass.
    Good day.

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