The Futile Four.

A Babe Not Played By John Goodman.

It’s playoff time.  A coincidence that this coincides with the holiday season?  I think not.  After fourteen grueling weeks of picking through match-ups, sniffing out pick-6s, we’ve arrived at the Final Four of our first DA Fantasy Football season.  Obviously, there was a tremendous amount of pressure to find the appropriate historical DA for this week.  I put in almost as much work as I do looking for the goddess of Pick ‘Em.  I hope you all think this gentleman is as worthy as I do.

In case you didn’t know from the picture (hopefully all of you) or didn’t put it together with the caption, the signal caller above is the one and only, Babe Laufenberg.  What a name.  If they were trying to make this guy a movie star they would have smacked him over the head with a stage name, but thankfully in football you are who you are and that way we can easily evaluate talent with such tried and true methods as “the name test.”  Do you want Babe Laufenberg playing quarterback for you?  In fact, what would you want someone with that name doing?  Grooming your dog?

Laufenberg was part of the fabled QB draft class of 1983, although he somehow slipped to the sixth round.  For his first several years in the league “The Babe’s” cleats didn’t grace the field.  He was buried on San Diego’s depth chart until he finally broke through in 1988 getting a couple of starts.  It was a showcase of sorts for Laufenberg who eventually found his way to Dallas to back up a future broadcaster by the name of Troy Aikman.  Now, if you remember those Dallas teams in the early Aikman years were….putrid.  Troy occasionally got sacked, and by that I mean he was constantly getting pummeled.  When Troy went down, it was time for the Laufenberg experience.

Laufenberg’s prime DA specimen once again came against the Buddy Ryan Eagles.  The Birds in those days could turn any man into DA and Laufenberg was no different.  On December 23rd, 1990, two days before I got Super Mario Bros. 3 for Christmas, Laufenberg unleashed a hellacious DA performance.  In a 17-3 loss, that judging by the box score, looked like a truly ugly affair, Laufenberg was 13 of 36 passing for 140 yards.  He threw 0 TDs and 4 interceptions (one of which was returned by Eric Allen for a TD).  Also of note in this game, Keith Byars was 1 of 1 passing for 18 yards and a TD.  So, Laufenberg had the added insult of being outperformed by a foot shuffling full back.

Unlike the recent DA trend, this game did not end Babe’s career.  He had his curtain call the next week during the final game of the 1990 season.  Of course after that the Cowboys got better, and the Babe was no longer necessary.  We’ll always have his holiday heroics in 1990, though.  Sixty-Eight points in what would have been a DA Championship week. (Whistle).

Final DA Regular Season Standings:

  1. The Slop Jocks 10-4
  2. Team Motorboat 9-5
  3. BK 8-6
  4. Neckbeards and Codeine 7-7 (280.75 points)
  5. Kraft 7-7 (238.5 points)
  6. Team Horse Face 6-8
  7. Dan 6-8
  8. Eli Esses D 3-11

The Semi-Final Match-Ups:

The Slop Jocks vs. Neckbeards and Codeine.

The Slop Jocks are the #1 seed and easily had the most consistent year in the league.  Just one negative point output, and they proved to be dangerous in any drafting slot.  Really showed great feel for up and down performers like Hasselbeck and Sanchez.  If there can be a favorite in such things, clearly the Slop Jocks are deserving.

Neckbeards and Codeine had an up and down year.  They suffered a brutal loss in week two, but kept afloat and rode a winning streak into a week 10 battle with the Slop Jocks for first place.  A convincing defeat in that match-up sent Neckbeards into a momentary tailspin, and they needed help to get this fourth seed.  A strong finish, including 58 points in week 14 got the job done.  An underdog indeed, but these two split the season series, and anything could happen.

Line: Slop Jocks (-10.5)

Team Motorboat vs. BK

Team Motorboat would probably be looking at the #1 seed if they hadn’t had an unfortunate stretch mid-season.  They streaked out to an undefeated start, but some bad picks and bad luck brought them back to the pack.  When things were put on the line at the end of the season, though, Team Motorboat returned to its winning ways.  On the last week of the regular season they used a savvy Drew Stanton pick to help eliminate Team Horse Face from contention.

BK looked like they had a lock on last place out of the gate, but they ran off a nice 8-2 stretch in the middle of the season to clinch a spot in these playoffs.  During that hot stretch BK took over the points lead and they lead the league in 40+ point weeks.  That is the nature of the team.  If they get it together, look out.  But, sometimes they space out and completely lay an egg.  In the battle of these two natural rivals from F&M, Team Motorboat came out on top in both regular season meetings.  You know what they say about BK, though.  Tough to beat them three times in the same year.

Line: Team Motorboat (-4.5)

Overall Championship Odds:

  1. The Slop Jocks 3-1
  2. Team Motorboat 6-1
  3. BK 8-1
  4. Neckbeards and Codeine 12-1


4 thoughts on “The Futile Four.

  1. I’m going to bet on the Neckbeards. A few great performances in the last few weeks of the season to get into the playoffs, I think they have the momentum to ride this hot streak all the way to the DA championship.

  2. I’m going to bet on Neckbeards too. I’ve got the North American patent on winning regular seasons only to not show up in the playoffs. The messes in Minnesota, Cleveland, Arizona, etc. will be cured by whoever I pick this week.

  3. oh man, lot of posturing and jinxing going on here.

    who’s going to step up and predict victory?

    where’s the confidence?

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