Bad news people, my wildly exciting life is going to take me away from a television set for a good part of NCAA opening weekend. In some ways it will be weird not getting all nervous and twitchy for 12:10 on Thursday afternoon, but on the other hand it might be nice to be otherwise detained while my Final Four teams implode. I’ll be watching as much as I can, but I don’t think I will be really dialed in until the Sweet 16 starts. That’s the real tournament anyway. Since I imagine there will be a lot of fake stomach cramps tomorrow afternoon, I will leave this post as a place to discuss the tournament as you watch it unfold. Sixteen games on Thursday. Get ready for the one A-hole who starts bragging about going 15-1 the first day and then loses 11 straight to start Friday’s action. I’m going to leave you with one concise thought for every game.
West Virginia vs. Clemson: Remember last year when Huggy Bear was laying on the court with the guy who blew out his knee? Yeah, hopefully that doesn’t happen again.
Butler vs. Old Dominion: Wouldn’t Ole’ Dominion be more catchy?
Morehead St. vs. Louisville. Forget the Morehead St.joke, but considering old school bridal gown rules, shouldn’t Pitino’s white suit be more of an egg shell?
Penn State vs. Temple: Everyone knows Penn State has become a wrestling school.
Princeton vs. Kentucky: Speaking of recruiting, is there anyone in the pipeline to replace Ashley Judd?
UNC Asheville vs. Pittsburgh: I bet Chapel Hill kids say, “UNC Trashville.” Brats.
Richmond vs. Vanderbilt: Commodore Barry did not go to Vanderbilt. Or did he?
Northern Colorado vs. San Diego State: Not much love out there for A Whale’s Hey-Nanu-Nanu State.
UC Santa Barbara vs. Florida: If Billy Donovan’s hair keeps receding, he’s going to have a mohawk.
Wofford vs. BYU: You think BYU’s honor code is tough? Try going to Wofford. If you can find it.
Bucknell vs. Connecticut: Every time I type Connecticut, I have to say, “con-nec-ti-cut.” I also do the Mississipi song.
Belmont vs. Wisconsin: I think Lake Superior should be called Lake Wisconsin.
Michigan St. vs. UCLA: If this was any year but 2011, this would be a great game.
Gonzaga vs. St. John’s: Are the other Saints jealous of Patrick’s holiday?
Missouri vs. Cincinnati: Remember that great Missouri team? Yeah, neither do I.
Utah St. vs. Kansas St.: Loser has to leave the Union.
Quiz of the Day: 2011 Tournament Teams. Category: Short Term Memory. My Score: 54/68.
Last Chance to get in the Pool: Group: 104341. Password: stopit