You Won’t Watch the Finals.

Oh, Won't I?

Well, look it here.  The NBA Finals start tonight.  I just watched Jimmy Kimmel’s hot shot basketball assassin beat Blake Griffin blindfolded.  Pretty beastly.  Not beastly?  Cliff Lee’s start tonight.  Once again, I’m just saying.  That ERA is creeping toward four again.  Phillies in dire need of some more of their late magic, but not sure it is coming tonight.  So, with that being the case, I thought I’d watch/blog the Finals.  Game 1.  For as long as I can stand it, anyway.  At some point, I may have to switch over to The Voice.  Is tip-off actually at 9?  I won’t hold my breath.

–Pregame Upsets:  The Erudite Heat fans actually remember they are supposed to boo the Mavericks.  Also, Michael McDonald (last seen in the 40-Year Old Virgin) sings the National Anthem, begging the question, where was Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine?

–In the court of public opinion, has there been a coach that had less to do with his team getting to the finals than Eric Spoelstra?

–Line is Heat (-4.5).  Feels like a Miami line, right?  Great.

–I wish I knew more about the reffing controversies, and who hated the Mavs, and how they screw them over.  That might be the most exciting storyline.  4-0 Miami.  If this was Beirut, It’d be a rout.

–This whole handing out the same color t-shirt thing has to end.  It’s an insult to fan bases like, I don’t know, the Chiefs, who just show in up red every single time.  Feels a little Euro and Soccer-ish to me too.  Violation.

–Anyone have the Under?  We’re on pace for about 140 points.

–Danys Baez really needs to be releaseds.  Effortlessly eliminates any shred of hope for the Phils.  That 19-inning game really was a miracle.  In related news, this is not an exciting basketball game.

–Scoring Update:  We’re on Pace for 132.  Things can only get better.  And, when did Jason Kidd start hitting shots?

–If someone asked me why I wasn’t a huge fan of the NBA, I’d show a tape of the first 15 minutes of this game.  Are they tight?  Is the defense too good?

–If there’s an “I don’t care how short JJ Barea is,” club, I’d be willing to join it.  I’m also not interested in how great a scorer he was in Puerto Rico.  The fact he is apparently dating a former Miss Universe is…mildly interesting.

–Starting to hit some shots.  Someone may get to 40 points by halftime.  I don’t have much luck blogging basketball games.  I believe the National Title game was similarly ugly to watch.  I’ll do real basketball fans a favor and bail at halftime.

–The last few minutes of the half were certainly better than anything else I saw, but at 44-43 at halftime, I’m going to once again pass on the NBA.  Someone nudge me if it gets to game 7.



11 thoughts on “You Won’t Watch the Finals.

  1. Roy Tarpley, well done.
    A commercial break between the Dallas and Miami player intros was a bit much. The Jordan bulls era had the best player intros by far, these are terrible.

    By the way what is Bartolo Colon’s body fat %?

  2. tarpley is all for you…

    awful intros, but how could you compete with Chicago’s?

    Does skin count in body fat percentage, because if it doesn’t, I’ll go with 100%

  3. yeah, i don’t have anything to say about it other than what I said in the post last week.

    tonight they just didn’t do anything and the bullpen coughed it up even more.

    can’t wait to hear it explained away. probably the pressure of not getting run support has done him in.

  4. You may have turned it off already, but my favorite play of the second half occurred when Brendan Haywood was blocked . . . by the rim . . . on a wide open dunk. He’s seven feet tall!

    So, to recap: the 2011 NBA Finals involves Brendan Haywood, Juwan Howard, Jason Kidd, Jason Terry, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, and some short white dude who plays like he needs to be reminded (1) not to shoot ever again and (2) this is not the West Coast Conference.

  5. The “White Out” crap in Miami drives me crazy. First, is white even one of their “official colors”? Didn’t they rip this from the Whalers?

  6. I did not see Haywood’s “missed” dunk, but it sounds pretty amazing.

    It’s odd to see these old guys still playing, and in the Finals none the less.

    If you did team association on the following players before last night, I would have said:

    Shawn Marion: Suns
    Jason Terry: Hawks
    Juwan Howard: Bullets?

    And, i don’t know who started the “white-out” or any color-out. I’m sure it’s not a new idea by any means, and good point on the white. I guess pretty much every team has some white, but you’d think Red would be the first choice. Or black. Guess that doesn’t look good on TV

  7. Juwan Howard looks the exact same from when he was at Michigan
    Jason Kidd gets more love than anyone I’ve ever seen for a guard who is a 35% shooter…I think he’s good, but he can’t be a top 5 all-time pg like some clowns throw around

  8. I couldn’t be less interested in the NBA, but find myself watching b/c either my dreams will come true and the Mavs will prevent MIami from an unearned title (does a title happen if no one in the city is watching?) or Lebron will go off and do something “special”.

    Side note: I thought Shawn Merion had died. I’m not kidding. Wasn’t his nickname The X-Factor or something?

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