So, there was a question in Deadspin’s mail bag today about whether or not a team of full-grown, washed-up athletes could beat the best Little League team in the country. The answer over there was a team of adults would beat the Little League kids, assuming the adults had some athletic ability. I would say, not so fast. The most important question is what size field are you playing on? Now, even your best Little Leaguers don’t run it up there much harder than 70 mph, but from a Little League mound that gets on you in a hurry. Mix in a breaking pitch or two, and I’d venture to guess that most adults (even former high school baseball players) couldn’t hit that. At least not right out of the chute. Now, granted, you’d only have to bleed a ball out there 225 feet and it’s gone, but I think it would be a battle. And, assuming one guy on the adult squad can break 70 mph, the Little Leaguers wouldn’t be able to run up the score too much.
The question got me thinking about which sports produce the best prodigies. As in, how young are the kids in each sport that could beat your average skilled adult? You’ve obviously got to focus on the sports that don’t require size or much contact. An eight year old dribbling whiz could wow you with some ball handling, but at the end of the day, your average 5’10” guy could block almost all his shots. This is another list where I just randomly chose things off the top of my head, but for the number one sport that prodigies would dominate, I’m going to choose:
Swimming. A portion of adults only kinda/sorta know how to swim. It’s self-preservation. There’s a difference between being able to jump into a pool and not drown and actually being able to swim. Swimming is also very tiring, so if you aren’t conditioned for it, forget about it, even if you used to be a swimmer. It’s not out of the question to see a teenage swimmer win Olympic medals, so I’m thinking your swimming prodigy, some 10-year old porpoise, could swim circles around even a decent adult swimmer. After swimming, I’d list things like golf, tennis, is chess a sport? You obviously want no piece of Josh Waitzkin.
For the sports like baseball, basketball and football there is obviously going to be some tipping point. You find one 14-year-old that can throw 85 mph, and he’s going to dominate some adults. If you make an All-Star football team I’m thinking probably 13 years old or so, and you’ve got kids that are as big and more athletic as your average adult. Same goes for basketball, but in the team games I think it’s probably easier for the adults to fall back on their natural advantages. I’d like to set up something where I attempt to hit Little League pitching, but then again, I don’t want to be embarrassed.
Here’s a question for you. Does anything in the world melt faster than a Klondike? You probably don’t remember, but I was down on the Klondike of late. They made the thing smaller and thought they could get away with no one noticing. Nice try, friends. What are you, the Girl Scouts? I know the weight of a proper Klondike. I know how it feels in my eager paws. Anyway, it’d been a while since I had a Klondike, but there is only so many times you can walk by an Oreo Klondike and not try the thing. I’m only a human. I bleed like the rest of you. So, I got the Oreo Klondike. It’s amazing. But, it’s shockingly small (or should I say thin), and you always forget how fast they melt. It’s a race eating a Klondike. What are you going to do, put in a bowl like some loser? No, you’re going to play with fire. I swear you could eat one of those things in a blast chiller, and it would still almost instantly liquefy. It has to be the number one most-hated snack among parents and babysitters too, because I look like a mess after trying to wrestle one of those things. I can’t imagine what a toddler would look like. You know that thing is going to squirt out of his hands like a live fish.
QUIZ of the Day: Most Homers By Presidential Term. Category: Arbitrary Guidelines. My Score: 15/19.