The sports world is boring me to death right now. Aside from that 40 minute stretch last night when Tony LaRussa did one of his, “maybe I’m not smart just because I wear glasses,” routines there is very little happening. I almost took off the entire day in protest. What do you talk about in the throes of what is now officially the summer slump? I thought briefly about whether I could make a whole post dedicated to why peanut butter is the best food to eat with your fingers. I’m sure I could have done it, it’s no secret I can get a little wordy, but maybe we’ll save that for another time. My next thought was, do you know what I miss? El Cupo Worldo. Everyone loves soccer, everyone loves their country, they should play that thing every year.
Of course, they don’t. The United States soccer team is currently engaged in something I believe is called The Gold Cup. From what I understand it’s a very elaborate tournament put together so we can lose to Mexico in the finals. Zing. But, I did note that in the preliminary stages the squad was bested by Panama. I mean, great canal, didn’t know they played soccer there. This brought up all my old frustrations with the U.S. team, no need to detail them here, I’m sure we’re all on the same page. The Gold Cup, regardless of success, is no El Cupo Worldo. First of all, I don’t see Switzerland anywhere in the field. And, just when I realized I might have to wait for Brazil to tag another post, El Cupo Worldo, I get wind that the Women’s event is about to go down in Germany. Thank god.
Now, the Women’s World Cup doesn’t have Switzerland either, and it doesn’t have Xavi (pronounced Chabby), or Chabby Alonzo, and the American uniforms may look like a short-sleeved chef’s jacket, but the old Red, White & Blue has a chance at this thing (I’m assuming we’re still good at women’s soccer). Is this event televised? I have no idea. I do know that it is being held in Germany, and it starts Sunday, so get in the mix.
Because, really, if you aren’t talking Women’s El Cupo Worldo in the coming weeks, what are you going to be talking about? Certainly not the NBA Draft. Not the worst draft class ever. Not the NBA Draft that officially became more boring than the MLB Draft. Not another draft for a league that might not even play its next season. I’d contend that the NBA Draft is the least satisfying of them all. Why? Because you know. You almost always know beforehand what your team has done. Every couple of years you get a sleeper, but I’d say the bust to sleeper ratio is about 12:1.
Look at Cleveland. They have 2 of the first 4 picks, which would normally be a pretty nice haul, but in this draft they might as well be picking 17th and 40th. I’ve heard this is a nine player draft. It looks like a zero player draft to me. I wouldn’t touch Derrick Williams. I wish I knew NBA players so I could make an accurate comparison, but Derrick Williams looks like that guy that gets to the NBA level, suddenly is just average athletically and his whole game falls apart. Oh, I know who to compare him to. He’s Evan Turner as a 3/4 instead of a 2/3. Money. And, Kyrie Irving has that feel to him as well, not that he’s similar to Turner, but just in the sense that he feels like a massive consolation prize, and that is what Cleveland is getting.
Hopefully for the sake of the remaining Cavs fans they get their hands on this Enes Kanter character, because at least with him there is total and complete mystery. You hear about this guy, and it sounds like he’s played two organized games in his entire life, but in one of them he dominated Jared Sullinger. Kanter could be a horrific bust, and odds would probably lean that way, but at least you would have a glimmer before he steps on the court and goes Darko. Anyone else you take you know you are getting mediocrity. Which is what the Sixers will get with their pick, whether it be an un-toolsy college big man, or some 200 lb, 7-footer from Europe, you know the team isn’t getting any better in this draft.
So, what are you more looking forward to? A couple of hours on Thursday night of people towering over David Stern, or a couple of weeks of watching whoever replaced Mia Hamm on the U.S. Women’s El Cupo Worldo team? And, don’t forget Marta.