I made a lot of bogeys today. My game is in a state where I currently am more concerned with how I am hitting the ball than the actual number 0n the card. In fact, with a handicap that needs some carbo-loading the best case scenario for my game is that I stripe it and shoot a million. I’m not going to say I striped it today, but I did hit some conspicuously long 3-woods and some on-line iron shots. Unfortunately, the majority of these iron shots ended up 1/2 club short and I got up and down 0 times out of, well, I missed a bunch of greens. At one point pulling up to the next tee box I said apropos of nothing but my scorecard, “900 ways to make a bogey.” It made me think I should do a post about the intricacies of making bogey. There might not be 900 ways, but there are a bunch. Here’s a walkthrough…
1st Hole Specials: Ways not to make a 10 on the first hole.
The First Hole Bogey: You take some astronomical number of shots, usually involving multiple tee shots and a generous gimme, and still take a bogey. The reasoning? Can’t take double on the first hole. Have I ever done this? Probably.
Mully Bogey: Tee shot off the planet, re-tee (no penalty) and proceed to make one of the following types of bogey. This is the score I make on the first hole of approximately 10% of my rounds of golf. To cast myself in a slightly better light, I made a regulation USGA par on the first hole today.
Routine Bogeys: The Following Bogeys are your pedestrian bogeys. They require no real flair for the dramatic. They are the nuts and bolts of the bogey train.
3-Putt Bogey: The ball striker’s bogey. My blog has its title for a reason. I three putt all the time. It’s a constant occurrence. If you get tired of watching Jimmy Rollins hit pop-ups, you’d get tired of playing golf with me. Just kidding, I’m amazing to play with.
Punch Out Bogey: You hit your tee shot behind a tree, into the hay, onto another fairway, regardless you cannot reach the surface. Luckily, there is always a seam. You knock it back into play, knock it on and smoothly two-jack for bogey.
The Always Chasing It Bogey: Your tee shot is in play (kind of). You try to maneuver something up toward the green, but you don’t get there. You then chunk wedge to 28 feet and two-putt for bogey.
The Non-GIR Bogey: Beautiful tee shot. You then fan/skull/chunk/block/underclub your second and end up just off the green. You do not get up and in for par.
The Lateral Hazard Bogey: You rip a tee shot into a creek, but you caught enough of it that you can take your drop, knock it on and two-putt for a nice bogey.
The Gimme Bogey: You have golfed your ball “par” number of times. You are looking at a putt of some arbitrary distance and you give yourself that putt. You either pick it up, or do some kind of one-handed, eyes closed flail at it and then pick it up. Please note that you must give the putt to yourself.
The “Lateral Hazard” Bogey: Similar to the method above, but you don’t actually hit the ball in a lateral hazard. You hit your ball OB, lose it, hit it into a water hazard, whatever. Then, you take a 1-shot penalty, an illegal drop, knock it on and two-putt for bogey.
The Two-Chip Bogey: Around the green in two shots (on a par 4), you perhaps find yourself in a bunker. You then leave it in the bunker. Or you skull it across the green. Or, you get cute with a flop. You have to chip again. This time you knock it up there stony like you’re Gary Player and tap-in for bogey. The rich man’s 2-chip, 2-putt double.
The 2nd Ball Birdie: First tee shot goes out of the golfing boundaries. Then you become a tour star. Playing by the rules you birdie your 2nd ball for a smooth bogey. This was the first hole of my college career. Par-5. Two-Iron a mile OB left, 2 iron down the gut, 2 iron just short, chip to 4 inches, bingo.
The 4-Putt Bogey: There’s always consolation to be had in such endeavors. At least you’ve driven a par-4 or hit a par-5 in two. You might be thinking, this sounds a little ridiculous. Let me take you to the Tryall Club in Jamaica. I’ve ridden the trade winds onto a par-5 in two shots. From 10-feet above the hole the worst caddy on the island, Jasbo, says, “It’s fast.” No sh*t. My birdie putt coming back was from about 30 feet. Use your imagination for the rest.
The Hole-Out Bogey: I was going to break this up into the chip-in and hole-out, but the point is the same. You are not on the putting surface and have already achieved “par.” At that point you channel Ray Floyd and jar it from somewhere. I think the most satisfying way to do this would be to hole out your 3rd attempt from a greenside bunker.
The “Didn’t Make Bogey” Bogey: You just lie. Period. No frills. Not the 1st hole, nothing.
I think that about covers it for what I can think of tonight. Feel free to contribute your own, or some more detailed variations on the bogeys above.