The PGA Championship is the exact opposite of the Jean Short Open. The PGA has no identity. The Jean Short Open slaps you across the mouth with its mere presence. The PGA has to come up with embarrassing ad speak like, “Glory’s Last Shot.” The Jean Short Open produces its own vocabulary like, “Anyone want to shot-jingle a bingle?” in a completely organic way. Both contests are rigorous struggles, contested in the unforgiving blast furnace of mid-August, but at the PGA the pampered pros wear flat-front “slacks” in any number of embarrassing colors and prints. At the Jean Short Open we wear real American brands like Wrangler and Levis. I don’t think we need to discuss which tournament deserves your attention, do we?
And, this year we aren’t even acknowledging the PGA Championship as competition. The Jean Short Open will be held on August 13th. That was to be a date dominated on the golf calendar by the 3rd round of the PGA. No longer. No longer will you have to be bogged down with highlights packages showing how Tiger Woods missed the cut, no longer will you have to watch every shot Rory McIlroy hits from 4 different camera angles–you can have the Jean Short Open.
Of course, the Jean Short Open will not be televised (barring a last-minute commitment from the Silver Bullet), but I just want to make sure everyone is aware so they can mark their calendars for August 15th, because that Monday will bring everyone’s picture show back to the blog. We do this spectacle mostly for ourselves, but also for the magic it brings into other people’s lives.
I’m a little disappointed that the Jean Short Open hasn’t caught on as a “concept.” You don’t need much. The five basic ingredients are:
- Coors Light
- A golf course that mows the grass all one height
- A local TJ Maxxxxxx or Ross clothing outlet
- Three Friends with No Shame
- More Coors Light
All right, see everyone back here in exactly 13 days to recap the festivities. Over under on the number of times I use the word “aftermath,” in a caption? 3.5. Get excited.