Glory’s Last Shot.

History Will Be Made.

The PGA Championship is the exact opposite of the Jean Short Open.  The PGA has no identity.  The Jean Short Open slaps you across the mouth with its mere presence.  The PGA has to come up with embarrassing ad speak like, “Glory’s Last Shot.”  The Jean Short Open produces its own vocabulary like, “Anyone want to shot-jingle a bingle?” in a completely organic way.  Both contests are rigorous struggles, contested in the unforgiving blast furnace of mid-August, but at the PGA the pampered pros wear flat-front “slacks” in any number of embarrassing colors and prints.  At the Jean Short Open we wear real American brands like Wrangler and Levis.  I don’t think we need to discuss which tournament deserves your attention, do we?

And, this year we aren’t even acknowledging the PGA Championship as competition.  The Jean Short Open will be held on August 13th.  That was to be a date dominated on the golf calendar by the 3rd round of the PGA.  No longer.  No longer will you have to be bogged down with highlights packages showing how Tiger Woods missed the cut, no longer will you have to watch every shot Rory McIlroy hits from 4 different camera angles–you can have the Jean Short Open.

Of course, the Jean Short Open will not be televised (barring a last-minute commitment from the Silver Bullet), but I just want to make sure everyone is aware so they can mark their calendars for August 15th, because that Monday will bring everyone’s  picture show back to the blog.  We do this spectacle mostly for ourselves, but also for the magic it brings into other people’s lives.

I’m a little disappointed that the Jean Short Open hasn’t caught on as a “concept.”  You don’t need much.  The five basic ingredients are:

  1. Coors Light
  2. A golf course that mows the grass all one height
  3. A local TJ Maxxxxxx or Ross clothing outlet
  4. Three Friends with No Shame
  5. More Coors Light

All right, see everyone back here in exactly 13 days to recap the festivities.  Over under on the number of times I use the word “aftermath,” in a caption?  3.5.   Get excited.

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10 thoughts on “Glory’s Last Shot.

  1. ugh, why you gotta make it a Saturday. J 1 and J 2 have been training in jean skorts all year.

    well have fun, you horribly dressed men.

    and hey, Rand…step it up this year, you looked a lil too Yup in the 2011 pix?!

    Q

  2. Rumor has it Rand may cut off his shorts to “just above the pocket” this year. I don’t know. That could just be speculation.

  3. Bwahahaha – you’d like to think that playing a 200+ yd. par 3 with a putter off the tee is a bad idea, but really I have to blame that one on the form, not the club selection.

    • haha, i think i saw that form you’re modeling up in photo…was the batting stance of that Giants player (who used to be a Philly)…I’m bad with names.

      Q

  4. You never know what you are going to get. The members of the group (aside from myself) don’t take putting the outfits together lightly. With that type of vision, though, maybe we can make you an honorary JSO member.

  5. It seems like all of the sports websites have a major virus this morning.

    I’m not sure what happened but they all say the lAtlanta Braves are 8 games back in the division.

  6. I watched ESPN and one of the knuckleheads said something along these lines, “It’s a shame the Pirates had that call happen to them in the bottom of the 19th against Atlanta. That took so much out of them and they just can’t recover.”

    What?

    If that game were such an momentum swinger why have the BRaves absolutely sucked since then? If you want to say it messed up their bullpen I can listen to that, but I still have a tough time believing it considering their bullpen has not been the biggest issue since that loss.

    Excuses everywhere for every team.

  7. It’s hard to win games and pound sand at the same time.

    But hey, don’t worry about the Braves. Michael Bourn had the 3rd highest 1-game UZR in history last night.

    If the park was bigger, he totally would have caught Ankiel’s grand slam.
    I think the Pirates were always going to run out of pixie dust. They played 20 games in 20 days, a lot of tough teams, and it just sapped them, I think. Back to reality. The 19 inning game didn’t help, I’m sure, but yeah that’s the kind of thing media people love to say.

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