What is the most annoying fantasy football position? The answer is, they’re all annoying. But, there’s nothing quite like trolling the waiver wire for your last wide receiver. Oh, did someone cut Devery Henderson for the 11th time this year? I think Donnie Avery is finally healthy! Jacoby Jones has a great match-up! How do you spell Legedu Naanee? It’s always a total cluster. Unfortunately, there is no way to avoid this, and I have no special tips for filling out the dregs of your WR pool. Get lucky on the waiver wire. That’s the tip. If Kenny Britt ever plays against Ellis Hobbes again, start him. That’s all I’ve got. I can sift through that top-tier for you, though. As always, this is a mixture of gut instinct and the face test.
1. Andre Johnson. Andre Johnson is fantasy football perfection. Total beast, right team, right division, he might be the safest pick in the entire draft. If I’m sitting there looking at Andre Johnson in the middle of the 1st round…that’s going to be tempting. Plus, who doesn’t want to have a rooting interest in Texans games?
2. Calvin Johnson. Megatron is reportedly in the best shape of his career. I imagine this means he’ll make eight obscene, highlight reel TD catches this year instead of six. If Matt Stafford’s shoulder didn’t dislocate every time he has a spirited sneeze, Calvin would be an even bigger lock. Lock 1A, if you will.
3. Roddy White. I tried to trade for Roddy White in week two last year. Obviously, I didn’t get him. You’d have to be a stone moron to trade Roddy White. He’s going to catch 100 balls, he’s going to score, forget about Julio Jones…he won’t dent Roddy’s production in the least.
4. Larry Fitzgerald. Fitzy was a mass murderer last year. I imagine in about every league someone snapped him up in that 6-8 range and he totally submarined their entire team. That’s called the Derek Anderson effect. Now, I’m a noted Kevin Kolb hater, but I’m not spiteful enough to think he can’t get Fitzgerald the ball. I’m thinking an obscene amount of targets. Obscene.
5. Hakeem Nicks. Check out that Giants offense! Wouldn’t you want the top receiver on the team quarterbacked by Tom Brady 2.0? Nicks was a point machine last year and about the only bad news is that he’ll spend two weeks this season getting tangled up with Nnamdi Asomugha, assuming Juan Castillo doesn’t move Nnamdi to middle linebacker.
6. Greg Jennings. I’ll admit there is a part of me that would really like to get in on the Aaron Rodgers/Greg Jennings double TD points extravaganza. Jennings started off a bit slow last year if I remember correctly, and then started putting up some chalky numbers. I think the return of a healthy Jerry Mike Finley will only help Jennings to another monster year.
7. Vincent Jackson. Sleeper? You know Philip Rivers is going to be out there slangin’. The Chargers receiving corps is an interesting bunch. We have short memories. A couple of years ago Jackson was a fantasy wild man. In the AFC West there’s no reason to think he won’t return to top form. And, it’s the opposite of Nicks. He’s now free of Asomugha. I might have to redo these rankings. I just talked myself into Vincent Jackson!
8. Brandon Lloyd. I imagine some people are probably expecting Lloyd to tank, especially if Tebow or Brady Quinn was at the helm, but this is the Kyle Orton show. Orton is the most serviceable, awful QB ever to play in the NFL. He’s got a special connection with Lloyd. I don’t see why they can’t approach last year’s numbers.
9. Mike Wallace. Wallace is fast. In my mind, he’s a slightly better version of DeSean Jackson. He’s just as likely to break a long score, but his lows don’t seem to be as low. Pittsburgh will never be pass happy, but don’t discount Big Ben’s ability to put up some numbers. Wallace will be the beneficiary.
10. Mike Williams. Tampa Bay still makes me a little nervous, but there doesn’t seem to be any stopping Mike Williams. In some ways, this is an attempted jinx, because there is NO WAY I’d ever draft Williams. But, I have a feeling he’s going to be putting up those annoyingly consistent stats again this year.
1. Steve Johnson. I loved Steve Johnson last year. Or Stevie Johnson. Whatever his handle is. I just don’t think he’s been the same since Jesus made him drop that game-winning TD. And, it’s still the Bills. And, has the cast around him somehow gotten weaker?
2. Reggie Wayne. Peyton’s got neck issues. Bad neck issues. If Peyton misses any time, obviously this is a no-brainer, but even with the smartest man ever to wear a helmet in there, I don’t love Reggie Wayne this year. Is he 40 yet? Seems like the guy has been around forever. And, Peyton will throw to anyone, so he’s not going to force the issue to Wayne if he’s got a gaggle of gritty, white WRs streaking open.
3. Dwayne Bowe. Part of the massive Chiefs over-correction to get back to the awful team they really are. I’m thinking 68-879-5 for D-Bowe this year coming off his explosion in 2010.
4. DeSean Jackson. The longer this DeSean Jackson contract issue drags on, the more I think the Eagles do not want to pay him at all, or they don’t want to pay him big money. These are heartless egomaniacs. They could cut Jackson out of the offense for spite. Also, he’s a constant threat to be concussed.
5. Miles Austin. For some reason, I feel like this is going to be Dez Bryant’s year to really go off in Dallas. Austin will be the victim of that, along with what I am hoping will be another confounding year of ineptitude for the Cowboys offense.