D.A. Fantasy Football–The New Frontier.

Head Scratcher.

Welcome to the 2nd season of D.A. (Derek Anderson) Fantasy Football.  As far as I know, D.A. somehow did not get cut by the Panthers, so we still have that glimmer of hope that he can once again star in his own league.  For the few who may be unfamiliar, D.A. Fantasy Football is a fantasy football league exclusive to 3-Putt Territory.  Well, after our celebrated appearance in the KSK Fantasy Football/Sex Mailbag, we may no longer be exclusive, but we’re certainly the originators. The league is based solely on poor quarterback play, and the worse your gunslingers do, the better your D.A. Fantasy Football score will be.  After this week, all D.A. schedules and news will head back under the D.A. tab at the top of the page, but for opening week, we’re giving her top billing.

Every week for D.A. we highlight a historical D.A. quarterback.  Last year they ranged from Ty Detmer, to Todd Marinovich.  If you want to take a trip down memory lane, you can click through each D.A. week.  The profiles were always fascinating, we learned new stats like adjusted yards per attempt (it can be negative!), and it was always nice to have those, “remember how awful that guy was,” moments.

For this week, I thought it was appropriate to profile David Garrard.  Now, Garrard isn’t your typical D.A. quarterback.  He certainly got some play last year, but he killed a few teams with solid weeks.  He’s a middling NFL QB and those guys are usually the nameless masses of D.A. Football.  The 4th outfielders, if you will.  But, that changed this week. Garrard was cut.  And, even if it was purely a financial decision, it’s the final slap in the face for Garrard getting beaten out for a job by Luke McCown.  They already drafted Blaine Gabbert, and now this for a QB who looked awfully promising in 2007.

Something else we learned last year was that just about every QB, regardless of their pedigree has had at least one D.A. caliber game.  Garrard is no different, but he hasn’t thrown in as many rancid stink bombs as you’d expect.  His clear masterpiece came in week 9 of 2006, the year before he really broke out.  In a mid-November, 13-10, loss to the Texans (and David Carr), Garrard sliced up the Houston defense for 214 yards, but was only 15 of 34 passing (enviable inaccuracy) and spun 4 INTs against 0 TDs.  It added up to a nice round passer rating figure of…25.5.  The outburst would have been worth well over 40 D.A. Fantasy points.  One can only hope that Garrard will catch on someplace, and with his inevitably broken confidence, reemerge onto the D.A. scene.

BREAKING* 2011 Week One D.A. Fantasy Football Draft Order:

  1. Big Dub H
  2. JCK
  3. DC
  4. Kraft
  5. BK
  6. Tim
  7. Nichols
  8. Brian

Week 1 D.A. Fantasy Football Power Rankings from the desk of The Commissioner.  

1.  Cam Newton–I know the Panthers are playing the Cardinals, but you can’t ignore what Newton’s done in the pre-season, or should I say, what he hasn’t done…which is look competent.  The beauty of D.A. is, if Newton piles up 130 rushing yards a couple of TDs on the ground, it doesn’t hurt you.

2. Andy Dalton–The guy’s got red hair.  Don’t know how many times I can stress that.  The Browns have a tough defense, and what are the chances Dalton isn’t overwhelmed by his first professional start?  1.245%?  A.J. Green: start thinking about trade demands.

3. Luke McCown–The answer in Jacksonville if the question is who is going to lead the league in turnovers until the Jags start playing Blaine Gabbert.  The match-up against the Titans isn’t killer, but it’s Josh McCown, let’s not over think things.

4. Tarvaris Jackson–About a week ago I forgot Jackson was even on Seattle’s roster.  I thought Whitehurst was the starter.  If only.  Is Jackson the 4th worst QB in the league?  Probably not, but this supporting cast is historic in its ineptitude.  I’m starting the 49ers defense in fantasy this week.

5.  Chad Henne–Oh, Chad.  You and your misguided rocket arm can’t really catch a break.  It looks like Henne is not the next Dan Marino (though I still have some faith), but again he’s probably not the 5th worst QB.  I’m just picturing the Pats up about 4 scores and Henne trying to sling Miami back into the game.

6. Colt McCoy–Ok, so he’s better than we thought?  That’s called low standards.  He’s still a dwarf with a suspect arm on a bad team with no receivers.

7. Kevin Kolb–Let’s review: Aside from 1 throw to Fitzgerald, Kolb looked horrific in the pre-season.  Shocking.  But, they’re playing Carolina, so be cautious.

8. Rex Grossman–Grossman is a total wild-card.  He’s a little like taking Chris Johnson back when you didn’t know if he was ever going to report.  Anything could happen with Rexy, but he is going against NY, who I think is down to their 3rd string defense across the board.

9. Kerry Collins–This isn’t a vodka drinking contest.  Seriously, though, this is like the rich man’s Todd Collins start.

10. Jason Campbell–Does anyone else think the Raiders were better off with Tom Cable?  How long is Pryor’s suspension? I feel like Campbell isn’t good or bad enough to be the Raiders’ QB.  He needs more volatility.

11. Fitzy–I spend a lot of time trying to drum up respect for Fitzy.  He got some backup QB fantasy love this year, and I know one soul who’s actually starting him week one–Oh, my.  But, the Bills are still the Bills. You can’t help that.

12. Hasselbeck–I wish I would have seen Matt Hasselbeck a bit this pre-season, because there is going to come a point where he looks like Joe Namath stumbling around in that Rams jersey.  Have we gotten there?  Everyone seems to think Locker will be starting by the end of the year, so it must be close.

13. Mark Sanchez–Apparently Sanchez has all the traits of a franchise QB aside from the actual passing skills.  Great leader, teammates love him, etc. etc.  But, I still don’t like much about what he does when he drops back to pass.  Plus, a revamped Dallas defense playing for family bragging rights.

14. Don McNabb–McNabb in theory is in a better spot than he was last year, but I’m not sure his heart is in it anymore. Some would say his heart was never in it, but I’m not going to kick a man while he’s in Minnesota.  All that laughing has to take a physical toll, though.

15. Jay Cutler–Cutler’s a sleeper because you never know when he could throw 4 picks.  And, now that he has Roy Williams, you really never know.

16. Josh Freeman–I’m just not giving up on this yet.  Call it being stubborn, call it personal, but I’m still sticking by my guns.

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12 thoughts on “D.A. Fantasy Football–The New Frontier.

  1. First I confused the guy with Cade McNown and now you’ve confused him with Josh McCown. It’s Luke McCown! I’ve got it right now. Not to be further confused with Luke Huard of the famous Huard brothers who are probably DA legends in their own right.

  2. Oh wow, that’s underhanded.

    And, their scoring system/format looks awful.

    But, you know what they say about imitation.

    I’ll send an email to Deadspin’s Grantland complaints section.

  3. I feel sorry for Jon and his first matchup of the year; it’s not easy starting against a powerhouse like me.

    I’ve wrestled with a continuation of Team Motorboat; it’s a winning name. However, I feel that the DA league is one that embraces change and poor decisions, so with that, I officially request a team name change to….

    Fake Chow

  4. So, neck fusion surgery huh? Hope all those Pey-Pey fantasy owners don’t trip over each other trying to claim Matt Hasselbeck off the waiver wire. Ouch.

  5. I’d love to go to a Steak N’ Shake right now.* Talk about trouble, what will the Colts be without him? 3-13? 2-14? This puts them in the Andrew Luck running (which would be ironic if the kid ends up being what everyone thinks he will be).

    *Caveat-only if i’m in a white stretch hummer.

  6. Well considering I have Reggie Wayne on my fantasy team, I’m hoping Collins has some kind of miracle Vinny Testaverde year or something.

    I don’t see them winning many games if Pey-Pey is done for the year, but worst record in the league might be a bit of a stretch.

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