Tuesday Morning Self Esteem Check.

The Self-Esteem Meter Reads 37 Degrees.

History.  That’s the word of the week.  Cam Newton’s making history.  We had a historical D.A. Total.  I arbitrarily declared the week the scariest backdoor cover week of all-time, and of course, Andy Reid blew his 30th game as an NFL head coach–a runaway record.  I am in the worst position possible as someone picking games.  I feel really good.  I feel like I should actually be in better position.  You know what that means?  Yep, 0-5 next week.  But for now?  Riding high. Composing this post from atop a comically tall director’s chair, scoffing at the masses.  Let’s go…

NFL Pick ‘Em Standings:  

  1. Grossy 6-4
  2. JCK 6-4
  3. Big Dub H 5-3-1
  4. Kraft 3-5-2
  5. Nichols 2-6-2

The “What the Hell’s A Letdown Game,” Pick of the Week:  If you look at the picks from last week closely you’ll notice that every single expert here picked the Ravens/Titans game.  Four geniuses got it wrong.  But, one person saw through the fog and nailed the Titans.  Let’s check and see who that was…oh, it was me.  Congratulations to myself for spotting the letdown of the century.  If the Packers could ever get a stop, I’d really be onto something.  Overall it wasn’t our best week, but I’m happy riding the 3-2 train.

The “This Isn’t Baseball, 3 out of 10 is Horrid,” Awful Pick of the Week:  I don’t want to kick people while they’re down.  I mean, 2-6-2, those are some serious wounds to lick, so we’ll bypass some of the mutual atrocities we saw last week.  Just note the standings.  For the official award, I’ll just give myself the double for taking the Colts.  I’m not exactly sure how it happened either.  It was a litmus test.  Are the Colts one of the worst teams in the league?  Yes, now we can move on, but I’m forever the guy who bet on Kerry Collins and Joey Addai.  The loss was worth Colts fans coming to the realization that the season is lost and they’re in the Luck race.

D.A. Football Standings:

  1. Kraft 2-0
  2. Neckbeards and Codeine 2-0
  3. Fake Chow 2-0
  4. Team Horse Face 2-0
  5. The Slop Jocks 0-2
  6. JCK 0-2
  7. The Shiva Cry 0-2
  8. Eli Esses D 0-2

D.A. Results and Game Summaries:

As you can see, we’ve already got some class definition in the D.A. Standings.  I think Big Dub is now a collective 3-13 in D.A. games.  Considering the format, that’s almost impossible.  He’s like John Daly.  When he misses, he misses big.  The sheer amount of yards being gained has hampered D.A. scoring this year, but I think we’re trending back to normal and that was evident with one historic point outpoint in week 2.

Neckbeards Steamroll On with a 14 to (-27) Win over JCK.

JCK had the first pick in the draft. I imagine it came down to Dalton, Jackson, or McNown.  Unfortunately, Andy Dalton, the Ginger Assassin was not the right play.  His (-20.5) point day set the tone and the rest was history.  For Neckbeards, his squad was anchored by new D.A. stalwart Matt Cassel.  Cassel had a mind to throw 4 or 5 picks on Sunday, he just needed the chance.  His 26 points offset an odd D.A. effort by Cam Newton, who would have blown up if it wasn’t for the penalty yardage.

Team Horse Face handles Eli Esses D 38 to (-35)

Team Horse Face just missed out on the playoffs last year, and I think that has motivated them out of the gate.  They used the 2nd pick to secure 8 points out of Tarvaris Jackson (where were the picks?), but then dropped the hammer with Kerry Collins and his show-off number of incompletions.  As I said, Eli Esses D doesn’t take the easy way out, he swings for fences.  For his whole D.A. career Matt Hasselbeck has been a bit of an all or nothing guy.  On Sunday he was surprisingly good for nothing (-33 points) against the Ravens.

Fake Chow Remains Unbeaten with Modest 8 to (-3) win over The Shiva Cry

This was the week of people hating on their own teams.  Picking against the Birds, Giants and Pats and then Shiva Cry nabs Eli in D.A.  The lesser Manning was OK (3 points) considering they won the game, but Colt McCoy (-6 points) couldn’t really hold up his part of the bargain.  I don’t think Fake Chow is running on all cylinders quite yet, but they’re still notching wins thanks to smart and conservative plays like Alex Smith (9 points).

Kraft Rewrites the Record Books with 94.25 to (-5.25) Win Over The Slop Jocks.

Wow.  I don’t have the D.A. Almanac in front of me, but I think this might be the highest weekly point total and the largest margin of victory in the history of D.A.  It all started with Kraft riding the bounce back week of Chad Henne and his trademark inaccuracy (33 points), but the star of the D.A. show was Luke McCown.  I believe the technical football term is Jeez Louise.  McCown flat out did it all in a 61.25 point effort.  The Slop Jocks were powerless against the onslaught.  A retroactive Ryan Leaf probably wouldn’t have helped.

3-PT D.A. of the Week:

Maybe the clearest winner of all-time.  Thank you Jacksonville for being so cheap.  I know David Garrard is not Joe Montana, but there is no way he’s anywhere near as bad as Luke McCowNown.  It must have been like Christmas morning for the Jets defense.  They came downstairs and McCown was the pretty present all wrapped up and in the shape of Big-Wheel.  McCown was 6 of 19, which is sneaky bad, he threw 4 picks (21 percent of his attempts), and managed just 59 yards.  He’d eventually get pulled, but the damage was done.  His quarterback rating added up to a nice round 1.8.  A new low for 2011, and possibly an unreachable benchmark for the rest of the year.  The best news is, the soon to unemployed Jack Del Rio isn’t sure he’ll go with Blaine Gabbert in week three.

*Check out the tab at the top of the page for week 3 D.A. info and another historical D.A. performance.

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7 thoughts on “Tuesday Morning Self Esteem Check.

  1. I appreciate Eli making an effort, I do NOT appreciate Nicks playing. Completely effed with my theory.

    So let’s go through this real quick so I’m not sitting at home thinking I’m crazy…..Fitzpatrick is leading the league in TDs, Hasselbeck and Henne are top 5 in yards (AFC) and Cam Newton is leading the NFC in passing yards? Wait…..(aneurysm)

  2. The Rams stink. That’s all you ever need to know. They’re a 6-10 team.

    Grossy, I think I went 2-0 to start off last year with D.A. games. That’s one hell of a downward plunge.

  3. haha…

    i looked it up. you are correct. you started 2-0. since then, you are 1-13. yikes.

    plenty of room for improvement.

  4. The true DA talent lies in consistent atrocious play, that has some sign of improvement. L. McCown has to show off and hang a 1 qb rating, so now they pull him and start the rookie. The true DA needs to post a 20-30 rating every week so as to not get benched

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