Thea Helle Is Pretty…

…Sure She Has Some Winners.

Well, I’m happy that about 8 states separate me from the Phillies losing streak and the uneasy feeling of what was “Fan-Appreciation Night.”  From what I heard, the feeling was more like, “You Better Not Pull this Horse Bleep When the Playoffs Start Next Week” Night.   The only thing left to do is ignore the losses, pull for the Braves and look for a distraction.  There’s no finer form of distraction than the NFL.  Is Michael Vick playing on Sunday?  That’s a real question.  I have no idea.  Something I do have an idea about?  My picks.  As usual, Lock City. 

Big Dub H: Record, 5-3-1.

New Orleans (-4) vs. Houston.  The Texans faced Kerry Collins and Chad Henne.  Huge step up in talent.  I think we see who they really are.

Baltimore (-3.5) @ St. Louis.  Rams might be one of the worst teams that will be trying to make the playoffs.

Denver (+7) @ Tennessee.  I’m going to go against the Titans until they make me look like a gambling god.  Plus, I think they stink. 

Oakland (+3) vs. New York Jets.  I don’t like the Jets going to the West Coast.  Does it make sense?  Does it have to?

Atlanta (+1.5) @ Tampa.  I’m tired of the Josh Freeman talk.  He stinks too. 

***

Grossy:  Record, 6-4. 

Detroit (-3.5) @ Minnesota.  Stafford is still healthy, right?  The Vikings still have the most one-dimensional offense in the league, and the lines haven’t caught up to Detroit being a legitimate wild-card contender yet.  Everyone should have pounded them last week, and this week is no different.  Don’t shy away from the Lions.  Megatron forever. 

Baltimore (-3.5) @ St. Louis.  Oh, look at me.  My second 3.5 point road favorite.  I’m pretty sure that’s the biggest trap line of all-time, and I’m biting again, because I can’t help myself.  Here’s some insight:  Have you seen the Rams play this year?  Oh, god, that’s ineptitude.  The whole, trendy NFC West Champs, Sam Bradfors thing dies on the vine this week.  Ravens with a monster bounce-back win.

Atlanta (+1.5) @ Tampa Bay.  I have to go back and check, but are spite picks 2-0 this year?  For the purposes of this post, they are.  That was a nice win for Atlanta last week, but I think it’s a momentum builder rather than a letdown.  They’re a bit tougher than they thought they were.  The Bucs on the other hand needed heroics to beat one of the worst teams in the league and their home-field advantage is non-existant. 

New Orleans (-4) vs. Houston.  Houston hasn’t shown me anything.  They certainly aren’t going to be able to stop the Saints, whose offense found a nice groove against a tougher opponent last Sunday.  I think I’m facing Matt Schaub in fantasy this week as well, so we’re going to need to go ahead and have evil Schaub show up and throw 3 picks.  Pat Swilling injures Ben Tate, Foster re-re-re-re-injures his hammy, and the rest is history. 

New England (-9) over Buffalo.  In Tom I trust, I suppose.  The exact formula I envisioned last week worked, and I think it can work again.  Belichick is less likely to get back-doored, because he loves scoring unnecessary 4th quarter TDs (through the air).  I don’t want to get carried away on Buffalo either. What are they gonna do, start 3-0?  Pats might kiss 50, but I’ll play it safe 48-20. 

***

JCK: Record, 6-4

1. Carolina (-3.5) over Jacksonville
2. Denver (+6.5) over Tennessee
3. San Fran (+2.5) over Cincy
4. Pittsburgh (-10.5) over Indy
5. Buffalo (-9) over New England

***

Kraft: Record, 3-5-2

Carolina (-3.5) over Jacksonville.  Blaine Gabbert wasn’t good enough to beat out Luke McCown.  I’ll take Carolina at home with their rookie quarterback who is on pace to throw for 8000 yards.  I don’t love giving points with an 0-2 team, but then again, 3.5 isn’t enough to take the Jacksonville Blackouts. Congrats, Jax Fans.  You can actually watch this game on TV!

Houston (+4) over New Orleans.  New Orleans looks pretty strong but they still do not have a defense.  Enter those pesky Texans who a potent offense, and this is the kind of signature win they need to make it official.  They are a playoff team this year.  I’ll take the points, I’m feeling a New Orleans 27-24 victory, if not a Houston win, outright. 

Detroit (-3.5) over Minnesota.  When was the last time you heard someone be proud to say they were a Detroit Lions fan?  That’s right. I haven’t, and I’m 31.  I bet Mike Gundy hasn’t heard anyone brag about being a Lions fan, and he’s a man, he’s 40.  Can you remember a fall from stardom quite like Donovan McNabb?  My goodness, honestly I don’t see him being paid next year to do anything other than hold a clipboard as someone’s back-up. It is quite painful. 

Baltimore (-3.5) over St. Louis.  Baltimore had a horrendous showing last week.  I see this as a major bounce back week against a banged up Rams team that blows anyway.  They hadn’t been on MNF since 2006, let’s hope their next showing is 2021.  I have an idea, how about no one ever calls a backward lateral screen pass ever again?  What is the point?  Yes, that is a live ball, that is a fumble.  Why don’t you just throw it forward by 6 inches and then it’s an incomplete pass at worst? 

Seattle (+3) over Arizona.  Division game, on the road.  Seattle can’t go 0-16.  If they are going to win any game it will be a division game at home. 

***

NICHOLS:
Buffalo +9
New Orleans -4
Miami +3
Detroit -3.5
Green Bay -3.5

Commissioner’s D.A. Top-10:

1. Kerry Collins–James Harrison.
2. Blaine Gabbert–Was McCown’s back-up.
3. Matt Cassel–3 Pick Minimum.
4. QB Broncos–Is Tebow Playing?
5. Jason Campbell–Revis Island.
6. Chad Henne–20/43 for 201 yards.
7. Sam Bradford–Injury possibility?
8. Eli Manning–He’s churning toward Eli Face.
9. Tarvaris Jackson–Steady Eddie.
10. Cam Newton–It’s got to end soon.

So, that’s your reminder to get your D.A. Fantasy picks in.  I guess Gabbert is already gone with the first pick, but the rest is fair game.  Hopefully we’ll get the rest of the picks up in some form or another by later today or tomorrow. 

That is it for now from Cardinals country.  Was it mildly amusing watching the Cardinals implode last night after hearing polite, hopeful Cardinals fans talk about the team earlier in the day?  Ok, maybe a little bit, but that’s just fear manifestation.  Still, though, thank god the Mets came back.  Everyone enjoy the weekend.  I’ll be back, but don’t expect the full Tuesday morning self-esteem check until Wednesday.  On Tuesday, you’ll just have to give yourself the benefit of the doubt.