The Unpredictability of Horrid Defense.

Maybe Someone Should Hire Pat Riley.

Looks like the league caught up to Mike Kafka.  Last week he looked like perhaps he had some clue, but in his 2nd appearance of 2011 Kafka looked a lot like the missing Detmer brother.  If Michael Vick doesn’t have Mr. Miagi give him a hand massage sometime during the week the Eagles will be in the unenviable position of choosing between Kafka and Vince Young.  One will be tasked with stabilizing the Eagles season.  That looks scary in print.  Hopefully the Phillies will provide the proper distraction. 

I think the Eagles, with or without Vick are a nice example of what’s going on the league.   Points, points everywhere and no lead is safe.  The Eagles blew a very modest lead on Sunday, but it came on the heels of a larger collapse in Atlanta.  You could argue that the entire loss was set in motion by Andy “Dorito Dust” Reid’s decision to go for a 4th down with the lead near mid-field.  This isn’t exactly textbook football.  If Andy was thinking, (we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt), I assume he knew that he had little chance of preserving a 2-point lead, so he needed to go for more. 

The Eagles defense, bolstered by a handful of new acquisitions, is an atrocity.  Perhaps if there was a rule that you could only throw to your #1 wide receiver they might have a chance, but unfortunately the revolutionary offensive minds in the NFL design plays for tight ends.  They send running backs on routes out of the backfield.  They even run the ball.  The Eagles are helpless against most of these advanced offensive variations, and it looks like whether Vick is in and they score 30, or Kafka is in and they score 17, it’s equally likely they’ll lose. 

The Eagles are not alone, though.  Sunday featured a treasure’s trove of blown leads.  Clearly, the Patriots defense cannot be trusted with a lead.  Yes, Tom Brady was throwing his hat into the D.A. ring with his signature metrosexual elan, but at some point in the 2nd half there you need to dial up a stop.  How about the Vikings?  Are there any sane Vikings fans left, or are they all sitting in a corner, staring at the wall, mumbling to themselves?  You can’t talk about blowing leads without talking about Houston.  That’s what they do. 

I’m wondering if this year the best team will be the one that scores the most, giving them the potential to win the most shootouts, or if it will be a team that makes some type of defensive adjustment (like figuring out how to hide a 6th and 7th DB out there).  The Packers, Lions and Bills are 3-0.  I guess you could make the case that Green Bay is by far the most complete team in the league.  They’ve won a shootout, they’ve gone on the road and gotten a solid division win, but I don’t think you can trust their defense in a big game.  Clearly you can’t trust Buffalo or Detroit to stop anyone.  And what of the traditional defensive beasts?  The Jets?  Torched by Oakland.  The Ravens?  Torched by Matt Hasselbeck.  The Steelers were torched by the Ravens and allowed the Colts to score 20 points, which is like giving up 35 to anyone else in the league. 

I guess all this is good news for fantasy point totals, lovers of betting the over, and the accuracy of video games.  Are we that far away from a team just abandoning the punt?  I feel like it’s right around the corner.  I bet it has at least crossed Belichick’s mind. 

Most Annoying Player of the Week:  Torrey Smith.  Who the bleep is Torrey Smith?  I’m sitting there at 4 pm, getting handled in my fantasy match-up.  It’s not over, but I need help in the form of Ray Rice and Anquan Boldin.  The Ravens are playing the Rams.  So, there’s hope.  Now, I’m not watching the game, not even torturing myself with the phone play-by-play, but I check early and it’s 21-0!  Oh, hells yes.  Someone’s making a late charge?  Did Rice score all three?  No.  No sir, he did not.  Torrey Smith has 3 balls for 133 and 3 scores.  Go throw yourself down a flight of stairs, Unibrow. 

Should’ve Drafted Him Player of the Week:  Just assume that every week I mean to put Gronkowski here, but to mix things up a bit, let’s focus on Mike Wallace.  The Mike Wallace or Vincent Jackson decision might haunt me.  Jackson is maddeningly inconsistent.  Wallace is just fast, and the Milledgeville Casanova loves the guy.  He’s a rock.  Steady.  My fantasy team, much like Beanie Wells’s hamstring is volatile. 

The Andrew Luck Watch:

Does Indy go to the front at this point?  Peyton is done.  If he doesn’t play this year, can you assume he’ll be back next year?  Do you want to count on that?  You’re already 0-3, what’s 11, 12 more losses?  I want to see Peyton starting for the Seahawks next year.  Let’s make that happen.  I think this is going to come down to the Colts and the Chiefs.  Do the Cheifs deserve a franchise quarterback?  Yeah, probably.  Let’s replace some of those Steve DeBerg throwbacks in the stands.  The NFC West is too awful for one team to go 2-14 or 3-13, the Dolphins and Vikings will accidentally win 4 games, it’s down to K.C. and Indy.  Hopefully Luck has some nice Midwestern sensibility. 

Arbitrary Power Rankings Week 3:

  1. Packers–Expect them to lose next week.
  2. Bills–Might as well establish high water mark.
  3. Ravens–Since they just found Jerry Rice 2.0
  4. Lions–Stafford looks ready to get hurt
  5. Saints–You’ve got to score 40 to beat them
  6. Raiders–Darren McFadden for MVP!
  7. Patroits–See Saints.
  8. Redskins–Worst 2-0 team of all-time.
  9. Steelers–2-1 is better than 1-2?
  10. Texans–Should finally win the Division.

That’s all I’ve got, considering my limited exposure to games this week, I feel like it was shockingly thorough.  The standard Tuesday morning update won’t be out until Wednesday, just to remind everyone.  Everyone should be eye-ball deep into the Wild-Card races until Thursday, anyway. 

 

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12 thoughts on “The Unpredictability of Horrid Defense.

  1. Well, I think any rankings have to start with Fitzy in the 1-spot. Or maybe Fitzy, Brady, Rodgers and Brees are 1a, 1b, 1c and 1d. I’m not sure who should fill out the top-5. Probably Matt Stafford.

  2. Don’t know if you saw the PIT-IND game, but if Troy Polamalu had actually taken that handoff from Curtis Painter instead of narrowly missing, and then run the length of the field and scored on a 99 yard “fumble” return, I would still be laughing hysterically.

    • Well I guess about 92 yards really. But you get the point.

      Also, “signature metrosexual elan” a really great line.

      And: Victor Cruz? Is he on the fantasy radar screen or is he this week’s Deanarius Moore/Danarious Alexander*/Torrey Smith?

      * May not be a real player, I’m not sure, it sounds familiar.

  3. I wouldn’t get too excited about Jose Cruz. I imagine the 3rd receiver, the TE and all RBs will be monster plays against the Eagles all year.

  4. let’s go buffalo, b-u-f-f-a-l-o buffalo’s the place to go!

    Getting to watch a bunch of people in brady and seymour jerseys crying into the tequila shots i was purchasing for all pats fans to celebrate their demise (“Tequila and tears”) made my sunday.

  5. I have both of your “Should’ve Drafted” players in Wallace and Gronkowski, with Stafford as my QB, and I got absolutely crushed by Wes fuckin Welker alone this week.

  6. Well, welker can do that to you.

    I’d love to have Gronk, though, even in a losing effort.

    The way points are getting put up this year, you need a good 4-5 guys to blow up to win your game.

  7. I don’t know. I haven’t even really seen the replays from this week. I do think there are times when the Refs seem to treat him like a runner, even if he’s not running on that particular play.

  8. By god, last night’s game was atrocious. Did the cowboy really win without scoring a touchdown? Can we give both teams a loss for that? Only in the NFC East can you have, in the face of an explosion of offense in the entire league, a team win without scoring a TD.

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