I’m not even going to gloat. I’m not. Would it have been nice if one person stopped by and said, wow, you were right. The Eagles lost and they really do stink. Sure, it would have been nice, but I wasn’t expecting it. I know what you’re saying, I’m just a hater and I’ll pick against the Eagles every week. I just got lucky that they collapsed against San Francisco. Well, to quiet that assumption, allow me to put my full support behind the Birds this week. They will beat Buffalo. No question. Rest easy, Philly, you’re going to have the best 2-3 team in football.
Enough of that, what I want to talk about today is certain cities being associated with professional sports. The notion of “football towns,” vs. “baseball towns,” vs. “hockey towns.” I just want to make sure that everyone knows this is an utter and complete pile of garbage. If you want to call Green Bay a football town because that’s the only sport they have, go right ahead, but let me clue everyone in on a little something…the NFL is by far the most popular sport. So, if you have an NFL franchise in your humble burg, you are an NFL town.
What annoys me to an even higher degree is when cities that certainly aren’t great fans of a particular sport rally around a suddenly good team and then you hear idiotic statements like, “Deep down, this was always a hockey town.” I just spit my single malt across the room, “WHAT?” You know a town that’s deep down a hockey town? Edmonton. I don’t think Boston qualifies, but there we were last year with all these Bruin bandwagon mouthpieces talking about this undercurrent of Bruin support (my grandfather lived and died with the Bruins! Shut it) that dwarfed any fandom for the Celts/Pats or Red Sox. Yeah, at that minute it did, because the Bruins were in the Finals, but claiming Boston was a hockey town last year is like claiming your town is the birthplace of Catholicism during a Papal visit.
So, stop making excuses for not caring about your teams when they stunk, and we can all move on.
Contraction Special: Chiefs @ Colts.
I dare you to watch this game. The Chiefs are 1-3. They beat the Vikings, who are 0-4. The Colts are 0-4. You see, the only time any of these teams can win is when they play each other and then still any number of strange things have to happen. Is there a more disappointing purchase this year than Colts season tickets? Honestly, I think the people of Indiana would rather sit around and watch Al Unser Jr. drive home from a bar than watch this Colts team. And, on special occasions like this week the opponent is just as putrid. Remember that the Chiefs were actually underdogs to the defeated Vikings, which tells you all you need to know about the Dexter McCluster era. If I had tickets to this game I’d actually stay in the parking lot and watch another game on television. At least you’d save money on beer.
The AFC Special: Jets @ Patriots.
What’s my issue with this game? I guess over-hype. That’s why it qualifies. What have the Jets done this year? Tony Romo handed them week 1 with a bow on it, they beat the McCownchise in week 2, and since then they’ve gotten their doors blown off by two teams who I guess don’t stink. You could never tell that to a Jets fan, though, they still think they’re going back to the AFC Championship game…at worst. How many more times does Mark Sanchez have to suck before we realize his playoff wins are a total anomaly? The Patriots are no great powerhouse, either, though I imagine they’ll expose the Jets defense once again. You see that’s the what the AFC is always doing, dressing up two name teams, OOOOOH Jets/Pats!!!!, and making you think it’s the biggest game of the year. It’s total BS.
Game of the Week: Bears @ Lions.
I’ll pick the Lions every week. Watch me do it. Were you expecting Vikings/Cards? Honestly, I think the Eagles game might be a decent game to watch if you can find a vacuum with no Eagles fans around, but I’m developing a strong affinity for Detroit. How could you not after last week’s comeback against Dallas? That was #standardromo as every ass hat with a Twitter account would say. For some reason the Lions offense feels more legit than other teams. It’s probably Megatron. When I watch some teams pile up 500 yards I’m thinking the opposing defense is a joke, but when it’s the Lions, I’m thinking it’s all Megatron. Of course, don’t sell the Bears short. Jay Cutler in prime time is like flipping lit cigarettes around a gas station. Who knows. If the Lions get to 5-0? Parade in Detroit.
Five Fantasy Implosions:
- Legarrette Blount
- Vincent Jackson
- Rashard Mendenhall–if he plays.
- Michael Turner
- Matt Forte
Five Fantasy Risks to Take if You’re Desperate:
- Pierre Garcon
- Michael Jenkins
- David Nelson
- Aaron Hernandez
- Victor Cruz
Over Under Lock of the Week (Record, 0-1): Eagles/Bills over 49.