So, I just listened to Joe Buck describe a walk-off, playoff grand slam as if it was a fielder’s choice. I think he was, “letting the picture tell the story,” either that or he cares about that series as much as I do. I’m far more excited about the fact that we’ve got a genuine football picking expert on our hands here. That expert is me, of course, I’m just not getting the proper results. Let’s get a look at things at the 5/17 mile marker.
NFL Pick ‘Em Standings:
- JCK: 17-7-1
- Kraft: 13-10-2
- Big Dub: 13-10-2
- Grossy: 12-13
- Nichols: 11-12-2
The “Already Ate the Halloween Candy I Bought,” Pick of the Week:
Lotta overlap this week. A lot. And, plenty of winners to go around as well. We’ve got a guy picking 7 out of 10, but since he doesn’t share his revolutionary analysis, it’s hard to know if he’s lucky…or good. Please keep any conclusions about amount of analysis and overall success to yourselves. Anyway, you might not realize this, but one of the main goals of this blog is to motivate people. To create inspiration. So, in that spirit, I’m going to give Nichols the award this week for picking San Francisco. The biggest runaway cover of the year! Never a doubt. Maybe it’ll snowball into a run of success for the defending champion and get him out of my company in the low-rent district.
The “Tony LaRussa is a Supercilious Windbag” Awful Pick of the Week:
Let’s go to the evidence: Did anyone pick the Titans? Yes. Did anyone pick the Titans to win the game outright? Yes. Did someone say that Matt Hasselbald looks pretty good? Yes. Did someone say all of this and throw in the fact that Pittsburgh was due for a signature loss? Yes, that is what I did with unwavering confidence on Friday afternoon. When you miss, might as well miss big. Honorable mention to Bill Simmons for picking Tampa. This game violates 167 of his faulty gambling “Simbotics” and yet he couldn’t get past his own inexplicable bias for Josh Freeman. Me and Simmons, brothers in idiocy.
D.A. Fantasy Football Standings and Summaries:
I feel like the NFL has D.A. managers scratching their heads this year. The defending champs, Neckbeards and Codeine, are marching right along, but others are finding the 2011 season much tougher going. Will the reactions be drastic? Will someone take Mike Vick against Washington next week? Time will tell.
- Neckbeards and Codeine: 4-1
- Fake Chow: 3-2
- Team Horse Face: 3-2
- JCK: 3-2
- Kraft: 2-3
- The Shiva Cry: 2-3
- The Slop Jocks: 2-3
- Eli Esses D: 1-4
JCK edges Eli Esses D (-3) to (-9) in a Disastrous Nail-Biter.
There was a little dust-up (exaggeration) when I posted the cumulative scores last week. Some teams have benefited from what I’d call a soft schedule. JCK’s win here will do nothing to deter his critics. He has negative points for the year, but somehow has built up a 3-2 record. Call him the 49ers of D.A. Football. This week, JCK rode a 29/49 week out of Matt Hasselbald all the way to the victory. On the other side, Eli Esses D couldn’t survive the 2nd straight lights out week from Alex Smith. Who knew?
Fake Chow Gets Back on Track with 34.75 to 9.5 win over Team Horse Face.
This was the 2nd straight week a D.A. QB could not finish the game. There were multiple culprits, but the real star was Kyle Orton. Orton seemed destined for some big games this year. You can’t see billboards of Tim Tebow and shrug it off like nothing happened. Orton was a train wreck. He piled up 34 yards passing and 35.5 DA points. Team Horse Face had no answers, thanks to Matt Schaub’s unfortunate 400-yd passing day. It’s back-t0-back losses for our early D.A. Fantasy leader. Time to regroup.
Neckbeards and Codeine Claims 1st Place with 29-19 Win over The Shiva Cry.
The Shiva Cry has been on the opposite side of the schedule spectrum as JCK. He’s putting up points, but not getting much out of it, and that continued this week. His first pick, Tarvaris Jackson got hurt, which probably saved him some points, and Cam Newton started to find his D.A. groove, but could only manage 19 points. Neckbeards and Codeine illustrated one of the key aspects of D.A. this year, and that’s surviving a winning QB. Jason Campbell was solid enough for Oakland, they picked up a big win, but he still managed 28 points thanks to a frightful completion percentage. His big day allowed Neckbeards to shrug off Andy Dalton’s mediocre performance and The Shiva Cry.
The Slop Jocks Inch Back into Contention with 58 to 41 win over Kraft.
I’m still waiting for Blaine Gabbert to really blow up. I think he’s got something special in him, possibly even historic, but this week he played a complimentary role for The Slop Jocks. They just hitched the wagon up to 2009 D.A. stalwart, Josh Freeman, and rode his 39-point performance to an important victory. For Kraft, he had Former Eagles Bowl “champion” Kevin Kolb and his robust 44 points, but Jay Cutler couldn’t execute enough magic on Monday night. Another tough loss for Kraft sends him back into the chase pack.
The 3-PT D.A. of the Week:
There were some good scores this week. Kevin Kolb was terrible for the Cards and that was against previously winless Minnesota. And, any time Josh Freeman has a bad game, I’ve got myself an itchy trigger finger. I think back in year one, back before we formed the league, Freeman won back-t0-back DAs. Ok, yes, I looked it up. That happened. Five picks one week, and then 3 picks and a 12.1 rating the next. But, not this time around. This week, we’re going with Kyle Orton. Did he put up a nice total? He sure did, but this is symbolic. When you get benched for Tim Tebow and then after the game it’s viewed as a positive move for the franchise…you’ve really accomplished something. Nothing real historic about his numbers, but this is the rare case where the stats don’t do justice to the body of incompetency.