Week 6 NFL Preview–The Only One You Need to Read.

On the Way to Every NFL Practice Facility.

Alex Smith is 3rd in the NFL in QB Rating.  He wasn’t 3rd last week.  That’s a cumulative ranking.  He’s ahead of Brees, Stafford, Consolation Manning, Romo, Big Ben, etc.  It’s a remarkable stat, but it isn’t as remarkable as the fact that every one is throwing the ball with historic precision–except for Donovan McNabb.  It’s got to be the golden era of quarterbacks. You can fall out of bed and throw for 250 yards.  If your team falls behind early?  Strap  up, son, because you’re going for four bills.   Points are being piled up, teams are blowing huge leads, and while some people sit around and try to figure out if it’s exciting football or terrible football others are trying to solve the mystery of the inflated passing stats.

Everyone wants to be the person that answers the question.  If FG accuracy takes a one-week dip, no one wants to chalk it up to the kickers being terrible, they need to get to the bottom of that.  They want to be the person who figures out the kid that stitches the balls together in Taiwan lost his pet kitten that week and it hindered his work.  It’s the same thing with the passing.  Don’t enjoy it.  Ask, why is this happening?  The popular theories seem to be advanced passing schemes, and I saw one over at Grantland about the rise of players who operate well in space.  I didn’t read it, but I suppose the point was you dump the ball to a shifty player like Darren Sproles and he does the work.

All of that could be true, but you want to know my theory?  No one can tackle.  Not a soul.  That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but tackling is looking like a lost art.  Not only do guys take poor angles, and fall for every deke, but when a defensive player arrives at the ball carrier, he usually just bounces off him.  Oh, throw your chest into his shoulder.  That’s how they taught you in pee-wee.  Nobody wraps it up.  Perhaps Trojan and the NFL need to do some type of cross-promotional instructional video type thing?  That’s just me spit-balling ideas, but until some teams find guys that can tackle, it’ll continue to be a fool’s paradise out there.  And, by fool’s, I mean Alex Smith’s.


Contraction Special:  Dolphins @ Jets.

Guess who’s back?  Matt Moore.  Do you think anyone in Carolina is sitting around, beaming at their 1-4 record, thinking about that time they almost committed to Matt Moore?  That’s exhibit 3,487 on how hard it is to find a franchise QB.  The Dolphins are now fully in Andrew Luck mode, and who can blame them?  If the Colts ship off Reggie Wayne, we’ll know they are serious too, but for now, look at the depths Miami has sunk to.  What makes this game so bad, though, is that the Jets could actually foil Miami’s plans.  I ran through this last week, but the Jets don’t even deserve to be 2-3.  They’re worse than that.  Looking at them offensively, they’re much worse.  If you wager on the outcome this game, you need counseling.  I’ll just put that out there, because you’re either betting Matt Moore or have faith in the Jets.  Either should put you in an institution.


AFC Special:  Texans @ Ravens.  

See what I’m talking about here?  How does the AFC do it?  Here we go again with two winning teams, two teams that could win their division, could meet in the playoffs and I challenge you to get excited about this game.  You can’t.  Flacco and Schaub.  You might want to get a time machine and go back to 1920, because both of these teams should just run the ball on every play.  Anquan Boldin?  Jacoby Jones?  Are you kidding me?  Throw in the skittish inaccuracy of both these QBs, and I imagine we’re going to see some picks, and some QB ratings in the high-60s.  If the Ravens win this game they possibly emerge as favorites in the conference?  I shudder at the thought.


Game of the Week:  Bills @ Giants.

First off, apologies to the Lions.  You’re always number one in my heart, Megatron.  But, this is a really interesting game. If you’re not from New York, you can’t imagine the hatred between these two franchises.  I made that up, but it sounds good, doesn’t it?  They do have history, but more importantly if we get the right result here, great things will be set in motion.  If the Bills win, they’ll be 5-1.  They’ll be inside-tracked for their first playoff appearance in a long while.  Throw Bills fans a bone, am I right?  Also, if the Giants lose, and if the Cowboys and Redskins both lose (like I suspect they might) the NFC East will be wallowing in a pit of shattered dreams and despair.  We’d be on the fast track to having 8-8 win the division, and if anyone has spent any time listening to NFC East-tards pound their chests, you want this to happen.


Five Fantasy Implosions:  

  1. Pierre Garcon
  2. Jahvid Best
  3. Matt Schaub
  4. Matt Forte
  5. Brandon Marshall


Five Fantasy Risks if You’re Desperate:

Keep in mind, guys I’ve mentioned in previous weeks (A.J. Green, Aaron Hernandez, Cruz for example) I still like, but I’m not going to list them every week.  I’ll assume they’ve all been picked up at this point so here’s more names for the really desperate.

  1. Fred Davis
  2. James Jones
  3. Darius Heyward-Bey
  4. Andy Dalton
  5. Mark Ingram


Over/Under Lock of the Week (Record, 1-1):  Detroit/San Francisco Under 47.  


7 thoughts on “Week 6 NFL Preview–The Only One You Need to Read.

  1. speaking of grantland, I saw today they’re selling bound collections of their posts…

    obvious question is, who?

    but, if anyone wants a bound copy of 3-PT to sit on the bookcase, let me know, I’ll start hitting Ctrl-p like a son a gun.

    also, this is pretty funny:

    Millenball – watch more funny videos
  2. Great contraction special this week… the J-E-T-S are so overrated it’s ridiculous. I don’t know how people let Rex continue to run his yapper, someone should put a ball gag in his pie hole. Did you see the comments Brandon Marshall made about expecting to get kicked out of the game?? He’s a Class A Head-case.

  3. Marshall is a piece of work. But do I hope something outrageous happens and he gets ejected? Kind of.

    This isn’t totally on point, but I think Rex gets some slack in the media, because he’s such a story machine. The guy is always good for something, so I imagine there is some reluctance to crank out a bunch of, “The Jets are 2-3, isn’t it time for Rex to shut up,” stories.

  4. Great Funny or Die, there were some really good lines: “Easy MLK, we’ll interview that Ron Riv-I-Era”

    “If we can win 1 game with these guys, we’ll change the game forever”

    And i will always love the gratuitous Lions stockpiling WRs jabs.

  5. Throw your chest into his shoulder? I’m not a descendant of Lombardi, but isn’t it the other way around?

    The Antagonist knows how to push my buttons.

    Here’s a good desperate move: Greg Little.

  6. Sarcasm bro. Talking about bouncing off…tacking with no arms, chest to shoulder, Jarrod Page style. That’s how they taught you–sarcasm.

    And, say whatever you’d like about me and buttons, but my fantasy advice has been pretty solid.

    • Not knocking your fantasy calls. Fred Davis could have an even bigger role now that Cooley is out with a broken hand. Greg Little could be a nice bye-week replacement over the next couple of weeks.

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