Jani Askevold Connects the Dots to Winnerville.

Well Played, Norway.

I’m going to try not to think of what was going on in my mind when I put up this post last week.  Those thoughts must be banished.  For all eternity.  What should be on my mind is how I fell into a five pick hole after just five weeks.   That’s not a real favorable ratio.  I was going to wait until JCK sent his picks in and just go the other way this week, because let’s be honest: he’s due.  But, I’m better than that.  It’s time to go 5-0 with nothing but a little native ability.  Grab onto your bootstraps.

Big Dub:  Record, 13-10-2

Dub is offering his selections all over the web this week.  These are an annotated version of his picks.  If you want the full analysis, you can check it out at my favorite website, Bleacher Report.

Dallas +7 over New England.  Buy low, and sell high.  A trip to New England is perfect for Dallas on many levels.  First, they get to face the worst defense in the league.  Second, the Patriots are coming off an emotional win against a division rival.  And, finally, Dallas is coming off a bye.  It all adds up to the Cowboys staying within the number.

New York Giants -3 over Buffalo.  Following a huge win at home over the Eagles last week, the Bills are in a position to have a letdown.  The last time they went on the road after a big home win they laid an egg in a horrible loss to Cincinnati. Watch out for the Giants to bounce back at home after last week’s embarrassing loss to the Seahawks.

Tampa Bay +4.5 over New Orleans.  Tampa Bay and Josh Freeman were so bad last week that it actually skews this line in their favor.  The extra point or point and a half Tampa gets at home here gives them a ton of value.  They were in a terrible spot going to SF last week after playing Indy on Monday night, they’ll bounce back against the Saints.

New York Jets -7 over Miami.  The Dolphins travel to New York with Matt Moore under center to play the Jets on Monday Night Football.  The Jets will be desperate for a win.  I never love putting money on Mark Sanchez, but the Dolphins are just too bad to ignore.

Atlanta -4 over Carolina.  Must-win spot for the 2-3 Falcons.  The Panthers have been hanging in games, but on the road in Atlanta it will be a different story.  Cam Newton looks like the future of the NFL at times, but he’s not going to be able to adjust to playing a quality team on the road.

***

Kraft: 13-10-2

Minnesota +3 over Chicago.  Short week for the Bears and their defense cannot stop the run.  Not a good Rx with AP coming to town.  Oh, and I forgot, the Bears blow.  Why hasn’t anyone compared Jay Cutler to Jeff George?  Have you noticed when he’s going off the field he does the Jeff George helmet half-off his head thing?

New England -7 over Dallas.  Big line, but the bottom line is NE is at home, and Dallas cannot cover in the pass game. After this year the “Biletnikoff” will be renamed the “Wes Welker,” because he’s on pace for like 150 catches and 3,000 yards.

Philly -1.5 over Washington.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me, and then I will have to disown the Eagles officially.  Stop with the insanity, and win a F&%#$ game.  I’m sure Reno Mahe lit into the team at the players only meeting and will provide the much-needed spark.  What do you do if Reno Mahe questions your manhood?  You step up and have the game of your life, that’s what you do.

Tampa Bay +4.5 over New Orleans.  Bounce back game for Tampa Bay, divisional game, at home.  They play New Orleans tough, and they will find a way to get it done.  Drew Brees struggles with John Lynch, Hardy Nickerson and the gang.

New York Giants -3 over Buffalo.  The battle for NY state supremacy.  Buffalo’s defense is not very good, and it will not be able to stop (gulp) Eli Manning and his MASH unit of WRs.  I will say, though, that Frank Reich has been very impressive this year for the Bills.

***

Nichols: 11-12-2.  

  1. Jacksonville +12.5 over Pittsburgh
  2. Indy +7 over Cincinnati
  3. Oakland -6.5 over Cleveland
  4. New England -7 over Dallas
  5. New Orleans -4.5 over Tampon Bay

***

Grossy: 12-13.  

Philly (-1.5) over Washington.  This is about gauging rock-bottom.  A lot of people thought the Eagles were there last week and they were a popular pick.  This week, they have far less support, but they are still road favorites against the 1st place team in their division.  This is the kind of line that would scare me if the Eagles were 4-1, not 1-4.  Washington isn’t dynamic enough to exploit the Birds, and Philly squeaks by.

Green Bay (-14.5) over St. Louis.  Is there a 0 missing in this line?  Was it supposed to be 140?  I don’t care if St. Louis is coming off 10 bye-weeks in a row, they didn’t have enough time to get ready for this game.  Since the Rams didn’t play last week I think we forgot how atrocious they are.  You think the Dolphins are the worst?  The Colts?  My answer to that is the Rams, my friend, the Rams.  What happened to the Sam Bradford and “Kyle” Kendricks momentum?

Oakland (-6.5) over Cleveland.  I’m biased against the Browns.  I kind of like the Raiders as a cover team.  How in-depth do you want to get?  I’m not going to trust Colt McCoy on the road.  Is Peyton Hillis angry about something?  The Raiders have 12 no-name, one-week, flash in the pan receivers and Joe Haden can’t cover all of them.  It’s not going to be pretty, but I think Oakland marches into the wild-card race.

New York Giants (-3) over Buffalo.  Not this week, Fuffalo.  All the Andy Reid haters appreciate what you did last week, but you are catching the Giants on the wrong spot of the roller coaster. They dipped last week.  Total brain-dead, bend over performance against Seattle.  It won’t happen two weeks in a row.  I imagine the Bills, as always, will be frisky, but they’ll come up a bit short in the end.  And, I’m still thinking about starting Eli-Face–so deal with it.

New York Jets (-7) over Miami.  Mostly because The Antagonist said if you pick this game you should be institutionalized. Well, I’m not letting Dub go into the sanitarium alone, baby!  Actually, I always like to pick the Monday night game, because that way, I can’t go 0-5 all on one day.  I like to space it out!  You can’t take Miami here, so it’s got to be NYJ.  If you think Miami is in some type of rally mode, or whatever, you’re forgetting that they are tanking the season.  Brandon Marshall can’t do this on his own, and he may be in the back of the special bus after the game with Dub and I, if you catch my drift.

***

JCK: 17-7-1

San Franciso +4 @ Detroit.  12-0-1 against the spread in their last 13?  That’s not the stuff teams fielding players like Mel Gray and Herman’s Moore do…

Pittsburgh -12.5 over Jacksonville.  {Analysis Redacted because JCK was talking about the Texans}

Green Bay (-14.5) over St. Louis.  I think the “5” in this line represents the number of Rams turnovers and Aaron Rodgers TDs.

Pats (-7) over Dallas.  I like that at 7.5.  I love them at 7.

Jets (-7) over Miami.  Go ahead and laugh.  Miami sucks.

***

JCK, the big leader, can never get his picks in on time.  I think he waits to see who everyone else picks, assigns the teams some numerical value, divides that by the number of tins he dipped this week, multiplies by his handicap, cross-references the Sports Guy, inserts that data into the calorie counting app on his iPhone and then turns his winners in. Something like that.  But, I guess we’ll just keep waiting.

***

Commissioner’s D.A. Top-10:

  1. Matt Moore–Lay what?  Up.
  2. Sam Bradford–I’m scared for him.
  3. Blaine Gabbert–Trending Down.
  4. Colt McPick–Named Colt because they thought he’d be a jockey.
  5. Rex Grossman–Handoffs and Incompletions.
  6. Donovan McNabb–Handoffs and Incompletions.
  7. Curtis Painter–You’re lucky streak ends, Joy Boy.
  8. Cam Newton–Road Woes, no more 400-yd games.
  9. Sanchize–The Jets ain’t winning because of him.
  10. Alex Smith–Hi, I’m reality, have we met?

***

That’s it.  Great job this week everyone.  Thanks to all the visitors.  Thanks to the Antagonist for not being too offensive and for convincing me to start Eli.  Try not to accidentally catch a glimpse of the NLCS.  It’s still too painful, but if you do, think of the bright side:  The Phillies haven’t invited Jamie Moyer to camp…yet.

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15 thoughts on “Jani Askevold Connects the Dots to Winnerville.

  1. I like how this has turned into a contest to see who can name the most random old player. That’s really Kraft’s wheelhouse, though, as evidenced by Sherman McNeil and this week, Hardy Nickerson.

    • i think 3-Putt would really like to have a contest about who can name the most random hot “international” superstar model.

      i just saw boobs. was there a head and a post up there, too?

      poka dots, well played. Q

      • thanks for the PR…but honestly, red panties are the take home point. good job with main idea. you must have had mrs. gring for english.

        she’s stellar. like hester p.

        Q

  2. I do love old player references….i do have to say though that Mel Gray is impressive, i would give JCK the nod there this week. Mel Gray was running back punts & kick-offs to change the field position game for Scott Mitchell & the offense……..

    I do love the “Analysis redecated..” as well

  3. Yeah, it’s brutal. I just can’t get over the fact that Randy Wolf and Zack Greinke-Dinky-Doo are starting these games.

  4. I agree, a much more normal NFL week. It was that typical low-level of play we’re used to seeing and not the new-age, pass happy crap.

  5. Mr. Moore ain’t foolin’ around — he went for the pick 6 really fast. Too bad it was to Revis — there’s no need to inflate his ego and make him look better than he really is. Let’s hope Moore keeps going and makes Sex Cannon look decent.

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