Happy Veterans Day, everyone. It seems the majority of my cohorts have taken the day off from picking NFL games. Understandable. What their excuse is every other week when they can’t get them in at a reasonable time…I have no idea. Before I get started with the gambling goldmine (I’ll make my picks EXTRA long to compensate), I have to say that Vincent Jackson is the biggest mutt-faced, asshat in the entire league. Make up your mind, Vincent. I’d love to cut you. I’m dying to do it. I could finally forget about that atrocity of a draft pick where I took you over Mike Wallace. It’d be my pleasure to dump you off on someone else, but NO. You occasionally score 30 points. Not 15, not 18, not even 21. THIRTY. So, I’d have to be out of my mind not to play you. Especially against the Raiders. Especially when the other starting receivers have more experience playing Angry Birds in practice squad meetings than they do catching footballs. Thanks for that 1-catch outing last night. Talk about getting my week off to a great start. Now I have 3 days to sit around and think about the GIANT HOLE you’ve put me in, Vincent. The point is, you are disliked. Strongly. By myself and Ms. Bowden. I WISH I had taken the damn Raiders last night. Lay what? UP. The picks..
JCK: 25-20-1 (0-1 This Week)
- Kansas City (-3.5) over Denver
- Dallas (-6) over Buffalo
- Cleveland (-3) over St. Louis
- Baltimore (-7) over Seattle
Pittsburgh (-3) over Cincinnati. This is the biggest “too easy” game in the history of gambling. I’m guessing 94% of the money is on the Steelers. At the minimum. But, you know what? We proved last year the bet against the public theory is just as ineffective as any other theory out there. What am I actually using to make this call? The fact that I don’t believe the Bengals are this good. They’ve floated through a pretty easy schedule and you’re telling me that the Steelers are going to lose back-t0-back division games and fall soundly into 3rd place in the division? Cincy will show some scrap, but can’t hang for 4 quarters.
Denver (+3.5) @ Kansas City. It seems to me that no team in the AFC West should be favored in any game. Just make them all Pick ‘Ems, and save everyone a lot of aggravation. So, the Broncos are running the option now? We’re going forward with this? I’m thinking the gimmick could work for one more week. Everyone that scrounged K.C.’s defense off the waiver wire this week is going to be disappointed. Tebow has re-rallied the troops, until their next blowout. I can’t believe I’m going to type this, but I wish I had Willis McGahee on my fantasy team this week.
Houston (-3) @ Tampa Bay. It looks like the Texans have turned some kind of corner. So, let me quickly pick them to squash any momentum. I think they’re doing it with some defense, finally. You can’t just march up and down the field on them anymore, and Tampa Bay is really a mess. I love picking against the Bucs. And, I’ll do it at home in a blink. Plenty of good seats available at the New Sombrero, just like there are for every professional sporting event in the state of Florida. The amazing thing is, Andre Johnson is still out. Is this guy ever going to play again? Can we get him out there this week? Jeez Louise.
New England (+2) @ New York Jets. Just because everyone thinks they have the Patriots all figured out. It seems apparent that the Pats aren’t as good as they looked to start the season, but do you think they’re just going to sit back and let every team stop them in the same fashion? And, the Jets don’t have the offense that Pittsburgh or the Giants have. It’s not like New England is being shut out here. You still have to score well into the 20s to beat them, and I’m not sure Sanchize and company are up to the task. Don’t give me that you can’t sweep a team garbage, either.
Chicago (-3) over Detroit. Probably tempting to take the Lions here coming off a bye-week and coming off that destruction of Denver, but remember wins over Denver don’t really count and the bye-week only helps Andy Reid. Several other teams have emerged from the bye looking like BK stumbling home from Hildy’s. And, since I actually saw the Bears play on Monday and they looked…good, I’m going to go with Cutler-Face at home. The Lions don’t have a great running threat right now, and like I said, Cutler is slanging the rock, spinning TDs. Consolation if I’m wrong here is that I can still hop the Lions bandwagon.
Finally, I’d like to call on Mike Gundy to answer a claim that I get my picks from one of those 1-800-numbers you hear advertised on sports talk radio:
Big Dub: 27-16-3 (0-1 This Week)
Dallas (-6) over Buffalo. This is where Dallas hits its stride and begins to win the division.
Chicago (-3) over Detroit. Matt Forte is going to have another field day against the wide-nine.
Seattle (+7) over Baltimore. The Ravens lost to the Titans after winning their first Super Bowl this year against the Steelers, and now they do it again in Seattle. The Seahawks OUTRIGHT.
New York Jets (-2) over New England. I will pick against the Pats until they prove they can stop somebody.
Pittsburgh (-3) over Cincy. The Red Rifle is due to come back to earth. Huge game for the Bungles. If they can beat the ‘Burgh they may actually get some respect, but I don’t see it happening. Who is Cincy’s punt returner? Maybe he can take back a punt in OT to beat Pittsburgh…sorry still bitter from last week.
St. Louis (+3) over Cleveland. Bit of a spite pick here. I’ve taken the Brownies a couple times this year only to realize their offense is putrid. I haven’t looked at their schedule, but if they play Washington this year, the apocalypse is upon us. It could Army/Notre Dame 1946 0-0 style. Anyway, St. Louis has clearly showed they can score two safeties in a game, so I like the Rams 4-0 in this one. Coverville, USA.
Giants (+3.5) over SF. Ok, I get it. Jim Harbaugh is the best coach of all-time. But, San Francisco has not had the patented stink bomb of 2011 yet, and we don’t live in a world where the San Francisco 49ers are 8-1. This isn’t 1984. The Giants can pressure the QB, which unfortunately for SF is Alex Smith. I know this could be a letdown game after NY’s big win last week, but again, SF cannot be 8-1.
New England (+2) over New York Jets. Belichick doesn’t lose 3 in a row. Next question.
Tampa (+3) over Houston. My one, doesn’t make sense pick. Tampa has to bounce back. They usually play well at home where the visiting team gets bored since the stadium is half-full.
- Tennessee (+3.5) over Carolina
- Washington (+4) over Miami
- Baltimore (-7) over Seattle
- New York Giants (+3.5) over San Francisco
- New England (+2) over New York Jets
Commissioner’s D.A. Top-10:
- John Skelton
- Tarvaris Jackson
- Curtis Painter
- John Beck
- Matt Moore
- Colt McCoy
- Tim Tebow
- Ryan Fitzpatrick
- Andy Dalton
- Blaine Gabbert
Ok, that’s it for now. The rest of the picks will trickle in, as usual. Get your D.A. lists into me, everyone dodged that Carson Palmer bomb except for Big Dub. A lot of interesting fare this weekend. Tiger’s taking a run at a win for the first time in forever, we have to see what happens at Penn State, the Phillies
might sign a closer (signed a closer, It’s Paps, scroll down), Pujols will use the Marlins to drive his price up, Pac-Man is fighting. Great weekend. All that without the NBA. Who would have thought?