Katrina Bowden Hates Vincent Jackson…

...Picks Winners.

Happy Veterans Day, everyone.  It seems the majority of my cohorts have taken the day off from picking NFL games. Understandable.  What their excuse is every other week when they can’t get them in at a reasonable time…I have no idea. Before I get started with the gambling goldmine (I’ll make my picks EXTRA long to compensate), I have to say that Vincent Jackson is the biggest mutt-faced, asshat in the entire league.  Make up your mind, Vincent.  I’d love to cut you. I’m dying to do it.  I could finally forget about that atrocity of a draft pick where I took you over Mike Wallace.  It’d be my pleasure to dump you off on someone else, but NO.  You occasionally score 30 points.  Not 15, not 18, not even 21. THIRTY.  So, I’d have to be out of my mind not to play you.  Especially against the Raiders.  Especially when the other starting receivers have more experience playing  Angry Birds in practice squad meetings than they do catching footballs. Thanks for that 1-catch outing last night.  Talk about getting my week off to a great start.  Now I have 3 days to sit around and think about the GIANT HOLE you’ve put me in, Vincent.  The point is, you are disliked.  Strongly.  By myself and Ms. Bowden.  I WISH I had taken the damn Raiders last night.  Lay what?  UP.  The picks..

***

JCK: 25-20-1 (0-1 This Week)

  1. Kansas City (-3.5) over Denver
  2. Dallas (-6) over Buffalo
  3. Cleveland (-3) over St. Louis
  4. Baltimore (-7) over Seattle

***

Grossy:  23-20-2

Pittsburgh (-3) over Cincinnati.  This is the biggest “too easy” game in the history of gambling.  I’m guessing 94% of the money is on the Steelers.  At the minimum.  But, you know what?  We proved last year the bet against the public theory is just as ineffective as any other theory out there.  What am I actually using to make this call?  The fact that I don’t believe the Bengals are this good.  They’ve floated through a pretty easy schedule and you’re telling me that the Steelers are going to lose back-t0-back division games and fall soundly into 3rd place in the division?  Cincy will show some scrap, but can’t hang for 4 quarters.

Denver (+3.5) @ Kansas City.  It seems to me that no team in the AFC West should be favored in any game.  Just make them all Pick ‘Ems, and save everyone a lot of aggravation.  So, the Broncos are running the option now?  We’re going forward with this?  I’m thinking the gimmick could work for one more week.  Everyone that scrounged K.C.’s defense off the waiver wire this week is going to be disappointed.  Tebow has re-rallied the troops, until their next blowout. I can’t believe I’m going to type this, but I wish I had Willis McGahee on my fantasy team this week.

Houston (-3) @ Tampa Bay.  It looks like the Texans have turned some kind of corner.  So, let me quickly pick them to squash any momentum.  I think they’re doing it with some defense, finally.  You can’t just march up and down the field on them anymore, and Tampa Bay is really a mess.  I love picking against the Bucs.  And, I’ll do it at home in a blink.  Plenty of good seats available at the New Sombrero, just like there are for every professional sporting event in the state of Florida.  The amazing thing is, Andre Johnson is still out.  Is this guy ever going to play again?  Can we get him out there this week? Jeez Louise.

New England (+2) @ New York Jets.  Just because everyone thinks they have the Patriots all figured out.  It seems apparent that the Pats aren’t as good as they looked to start the season, but do you think they’re just going to sit back and let every team stop them in the same fashion?  And, the Jets don’t have the offense that Pittsburgh or the Giants have.  It’s not like New England is being shut out here.  You still have to score well into the 20s to beat them, and I’m not sure Sanchize and company are up to the task.  Don’t give me that you can’t sweep a team garbage, either.

Chicago (-3) over Detroit.  Probably tempting to take the Lions here coming off a bye-week and coming off that destruction of Denver, but remember wins over Denver don’t really count and the bye-week only helps Andy Reid. Several other teams have emerged from the bye looking like BK stumbling home from Hildy’s.  And, since I actually saw the Bears play on Monday and they looked…good, I’m going to go with Cutler-Face at home.  The Lions don’t have a great running threat right now, and like I said, Cutler is slanging the rock, spinning TDs.  Consolation if I’m wrong here is that I can still hop the Lions bandwagon.

Finally, I’d like to call on Mike Gundy to answer a claim that I get my picks from one of those 1-800-numbers you hear advertised on sports talk radio:

***

Big Dub: 27-16-3 (0-1 This Week)

Dallas (-6) over Buffalo.  This is where Dallas hits its stride and begins to win the division.

Chicago (-3) over Detroit.  Matt Forte is going to have another field day against the wide-nine.

Seattle (+7) over Baltimore.  The Ravens lost to the Titans after winning their first Super Bowl this year against the Steelers, and now they do it again in Seattle.   The Seahawks OUTRIGHT.

New York Jets (-2) over New England.  I will pick against the Pats until they prove they can stop somebody.

***

Kraft:  22-19-4

Pittsburgh (-3) over Cincy.  The Red Rifle is due to come back to earth.  Huge game for the Bungles.  If they can beat the ‘Burgh they may actually get some respect, but I don’t see it happening.  Who is Cincy’s punt returner?  Maybe he can take back a punt in OT to beat Pittsburgh…sorry still bitter from last week.

St. Louis (+3) over Cleveland.  Bit of a spite pick here.  I’ve taken the Brownies a couple times this year only to realize their offense is putrid.  I haven’t looked at their schedule, but if they play Washington this year, the apocalypse is upon us. It could Army/Notre Dame 1946 0-0 style.  Anyway, St. Louis has clearly showed they can score two safeties in a game, so I like the Rams 4-0 in this one.  Coverville, USA.

Giants (+3.5) over SF.  Ok, I get it. Jim Harbaugh is the best coach of all-time.  But, San Francisco has not had the patented stink bomb of 2011 yet, and we don’t live in a world where the San Francisco 49ers are 8-1.  This isn’t 1984.  The Giants can pressure the QB, which unfortunately for SF is Alex Smith.  I know this could be a letdown game after NY’s big win last week, but again, SF cannot be 8-1.

New England (+2) over New York Jets.  Belichick doesn’t lose 3 in a row.  Next question.

Tampa (+3) over Houston.  My one, doesn’t make sense pick.  Tampa has to bounce back.  They usually play well at home where the visiting team gets bored since the stadium is half-full.

***

NICHOLS:  20-23-2

  1. Tennessee (+3.5) over Carolina
  2. Washington (+4) over Miami
  3. Baltimore (-7) over Seattle
  4. New York Giants (+3.5) over San Francisco
  5. New England (+2) over New York Jets

***

Commissioner’s D.A. Top-10:

  1. John Skelton
  2. Tarvaris Jackson
  3. Curtis Painter
  4. John Beck
  5. Matt Moore
  6. Colt McCoy
  7. Tim Tebow
  8. Ryan Fitzpatrick
  9. Andy Dalton
  10. Blaine Gabbert

***

Ok, that’s it for now.  The rest of the picks will trickle in, as usual.  Get your D.A. lists into me, everyone dodged that Carson Palmer bomb except for Big Dub.  A lot of interesting fare this weekend.  Tiger’s taking a run at a win for the first time in forever, we have to see what happens at Penn State, the Phillies might sign a closer  (signed a closer, It’s Paps, scroll down), Pujols will use the Marlins to drive his price up, Pac-Man is fighting.  Great weekend.  All that without the NBA.  Who would have thought?

Advertisements

25 thoughts on “Katrina Bowden Hates Vincent Jackson…

  1. PAPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. yeesss. yussssss.

    we’re reunited and it feels so good…wait, this calls for a song and a kilt dance, i’ll make him feel right at home.

    oh my god, fav moment in sports history for Q:

    Q

  2. Go Chargers, Go.

    What the ef was that? Oakland had one serviceable player on offense and the Chargers couldn’t figure out how to stop him. Vincent Jackson quit on ball late in the fourth quarter, Rivers looks shot and Norv Turner is being himself.

    Time to rip off 4 straight:

    Dallas -6 vs. Buffalo: This is where Dallas hits its stride and begins to win the division.

    Chicago -3 vs. Detroit: Matt Forte is gonna have another field day against the wide-nine.

    Seattle +7 vs. Baltimore: The Ravens lost to the Titans after winning their first Super Bowl this year against the Steelers and now they do it again in Seattle. The Seahawks OUTRIGHT.

    New York Jets -2 vs. New England: I will pick against the Pats until the prove they can stop somebody.

  3. I also hate Vincent Jackson except for the two or three weeks I loved him. And, I wish I had taken Phil Rivers with the #15 pick. That looks great right now. What is wrong with him? Is he hurt?

  4. I have no idea what’s going on with Rivers. The popular answers seem to be:

    1. Injured Targets (gates, floyd, jackson, etc)
    2. Phil has a minor injury himself he’s playing through
    3. They miss Darren Sproles
    4. They can’t protect him

    take your pick

  5. I can’t wait until Paps bombs in Philly. Enjoy that douchelipped loud mouth running his yapper after he blows save after save. Tell me again how you’re a great closer Paps, every time i turn around you’re blowing another save in sept. That guy is the most overrated choke artist in baseball.

  6. Well, I’m not really comfortable yet delving into the realm of Papelbon defender, but this seems like some petty hate/selective memories at best.

    Guy has given up runs in 1 of 18 post-season appearances, including 26 scoreless innings to start his post-season career.

    He closed out a world series.

    He blew the last game of the season, is that what you’re basing everything on?

    Look, the guy seems to have a touch of the “D” in him. There’s no sense arguing that. But, it doesn’t really seem to affect his pitching.

    I also love all these people just piling on. Oh, horrible contract. Waste of money. It’s only a waste of money if it prohibits them from doing another deal they want to do–and, I’m pretty sure it won’t.

    Everyone wants to be the smartest penny-pincher in baseball these days. The Phillies will only be adding 3 win shares per year, at a rate of blah, blah, blah…

    STFU.

    You can get through the season with a bad closer (see Lidge’s horrid ’09) but you can’t do it in the playoffs. If you’ve got the cash, might as well give it to the guy available with the best track record.

  7. what a low point for the Eagles. John Skelton. John F’ing Skelton!

    just bury them. no heart. And f desean jackson. He had a fumble last week on a punt return and he misses a special teams meeting? sweet. Drew Rosenhaus is a complete and utter dipshit. You know how you guarantee yourself a huge contract? You keep dominating and putting up huge #’s. Either the Eagles have no choice but to back up the Brinks truck, or at least someone else decides they have to back up the truck. Now, after Chris Johnson’s abomination and Desean’s abomination this year, who the hell is going to step up and pay him the ridiculous cash Drew Rosenhaus has probably told him he deserves??? If you keep producing the $$$ will come. Period. But all these malcontents basically just want to scam teams into paying them a boatload of dough so they can just shut it down

  8. The Eagles are now the most disgraceful team I’ve ever laid eyes on in this city. There’s no credibility, no accountability, it’s a totally rudderless ship. You want to see a team get turned on by the fans? Stay tuned.

  9. Hope for field.

    reid and cowher have 1 super bowl in about, what 30 seasons?

    they’re basically the same guy.

    fresh face with an itchy trigger finger to blow things up.

    i feel sorry for the team where andy reid lands next. (he better be interviewing with teams this off-season)

  10. As an aside: Tim tebow 2-8 for 68 yds in a win? The article mentions the last qb to win a game with 2 completions: DA.
    Why don’t defenses play Denver with a 10 man front? Denver dialed up 55 runs and 8 passes. This isn’t 1914….that’s hard to believe.
    The eagles are 1 game better than the dolphins. I feel sick

  11. They really are setting the game back decades and decades.

    The worst part is the Tebow is a winner people.

    Look, the guy tries his ass off, but they are beating horrific teams. Any real team will destroy them.

    It’s more a statement on the piss poor quality of the league.

  12. I have no true ill will towards paps, he just strikes me as a guy who is gonna get that money and be a mess. He collapsed this ur, and I distinctly remember being in the stands w jck against the Angels a few years ago for paps’ breaking down. Is he a very good closer? Absolutely. But it sure seems you can catch lightning in a bottle there and, more importantly, that it always feels like closer/relief pitchers that change teams just don’t perform. Yes, that is totally off the cuff and just a gut comment. We’ll see, this just smells like a guy who in august is going to be whining about the change in culture and team chemistry or something.

    • I think collapsed is kind of a harsh term to use. He blew a couple games late in the season, but like I said before that, he’d gone 21 straight appearances without even giving up a run. The Red Sox were in full-on desperation mode with their bullpen at that point. A couple days before he blew the final game they asked him to go 2 and 2/3. I mean, guys blow games. Appreciate your positive spin, though.

      Oh, and 5-0! The comeback starts now. Reel ’em in.

  13. You gotta love Fitzpatrick and how he’s rewarding management for that big contract. Doesn’t anyone in the bills front office have some common sense? He’s not an NFL qb, you cannot win with him. It’s cute to be the underdogs and overachievers…..that doesn’t mean get enamored with these guys and think they’re legit starters/pro bowlers. Now they’ll continue to be mired in pudrity since that contract is abysmal and they’ll miss their chance to draft a real qb this year.

  14. I don’t know, they need some defensive players. I think you can do worse than Fitzy. There’s no guarantee bringing in a draft pick.

  15. yeah, i dont know what they do—-jones, barkley, RBG3? It’s kind of oa hodge podge after luck, maybe go for a big play WR and hope you can sign someone or get the next big QB coming out ?

    • Haha, ok. I should have figured that out. But, you are so cutting edge in the nickname department I thought you had something fresh there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s