Lara Bingle Wants to Shot-Jingle

Some Winners. (And, A Couple Coors Rights)

I went Australian with the Picks Muse today, because, it’s Presidents Cup week.  Gotta keep it topical and relevant.  The Aussies could use some inspiration. The U.S. Team was right on the doorstep of putting some serious space between the teams on day two.  Luckily, Tiger (and anyone he’s partnered with) can’t make a birdie.  As fun as it is to try and figure out what day it is in Australia (spoiler alert–it’s Saturday Morning), the P-Cup has been, as expected, not that much of a news generator.  Shame, because the course is epic and diabolical.  I know what you all are saying, though.  Excuse me kind Sir, he of the 5-0 week, who in the Sam Heck is going to win the Browns game?  Well, let’s see if anyone dares…I’m just psyched I’ve already made up a quick 1/2 game already again.

Big Dub:   30-18-3 (0-1 This Week)

Impossible lines this week…

San Diego (+3.5) over Chicago.  Do I trust Norv, Philip or Vincent?  No, no and no.  But, I really don’t trust Cutler Face.  One of these times the Chargers have to cover, right?

Baltimore (-7) over Cincinnati.  Get ready for the Ravens to run the table.

New York Giants (-5) over Philadelphia.  Eagles couldn’t do diddly poo against a Giants team that was riddled with injuries.  Now the Eagles have the injuries.  Blowout.

Washington (+9) over Dallas.  Dallas is by far the better team and should roll here.  I have no logical reason for this pick. Just goin’ with the gut.  Is a skinny guy allowed to follow his gut?


Grossy:  28-20-2.  

Buffal0 (+2) over Miami.  I’ve got to agree with Dub.  Tough slate of games.  Are the Bills really toast?  I think a lot of people would tell you that this line tells you the Bills season is over.  Putrid Miami, who should get no home field advantage in the line at all still a favorite?  Pound the Dolphins.  Well, I think we’ve forgotten quickly how adept the ‘Fins are at losing games, and there’s a serious lack of firepower on Miami’s side.  The Bills should be able to score a bit more than Miami’s recent opponents and that will allow them to eek out one more hideously ugly win before their season really does go in the tank.  And, if you want to lay points with Matt Moore, go for it.

Tennessee (+6) @ Atlanta.  The Falcons don’t really strike me as a team that should be laying 6 points.  I don’t trust them with that kind of number.  No Julio Jones.  Roddy White is officially a missing person at this point.  And, was that CJ2K with an almost passable game last week?  Going into Atlanta ain’t no thang for a guy that was prematurely bald at 15.  He’s used to hardship.  Hasselbeck can do this!  He can at least keep them within a field goal, or offer up some kind of hideous backdoor cover, and that’s all we’re really asking for.

Arizona (+9.5) over San Francisco.  The 49ers are another team I don’t trust with big spreads.  They’ve got themselves a nice little program going in Ninerville.  What the Niners resurgence has reminded me of is that there are sleeper cells of Niner bandwagon mutts all over the country.  All of a sudden this year you hear people calling into Philly sports radio talking about, “My Niners.”  Well, the Niners have pretty much wrapped up the division.  There’s a decent chance that Gore is going to be limited as a precaution, and there’s no real offensive firepower on this team–aside from Akers.  The Niners are getting ready for next week, and barely squeak by.

Washington (+9) over Dallas.  Oh, all these dogs.  Will any of them hit.  Unlikely.  But, here’s a huge rivalry game.  This is the last game the Redskins will try to win all year.  And, on the road, Romo and company aren’t going to show the killer instinct they had last week.  In fact, I imagine they’re still smelling themselves for blowing out the Bills.  Con-Grat-U-Bucking-Lations.  Picture this, Dallas is up 28-13, closing minutes, Jerry Jones is grinning like Howdy Doody, Rob Ryan is whipping his hair around and there goes Washington for a completely *meaningless* TD with 68 seconds left on the clock.

New England (-14.5) over Kansas City.  Um, 49-10.  Is that too strong an opinion?  The Chiefs aren’t going to stop anyone.  They didn’t stop Tebow.  They can’t stop Carson Palmer or Matt Moore.  They’re going to start Palko.  Is that happening?  Was he a backup at Pitt?  The worst news could be that New England’s defense had a great 2nd half against the Jets.  It’s time to re-inflate the egos of New England.  And, I think it’s time for one of those 18-205-2 games for Wes Welker.  Maybe not, K-Faulk might score 3 times, but they’re going to be scoring, and scoring, and scoring.  Hart Lee Dykes might scoring in this game.


Kraft:  25-22-4 (0-1 This Week)

Washington (+9) over Dallas.  Division game.  I’ll take the 9.  The Skins might have Gus Frerotte 2.0 at QB, but they do have a defense.  And, they do have Art Monk and Ernest Byner.

New York Giants (-5) over Philadelphia.  Perform the burial Sunday night.  I’ll start paying the $3.99 for ESPN Insider to read about which OL from Iowa the Eagles will take in the top-10.  Just make sure he isn’t a 26-year old senior, we already have one of those.

Cincinnati (+7) over Baltimore.  I’ll take the points here.  Cincy has a good defense, everyone is on Baltimore to run the ball more….The Red Rifle keeps it close.

Buffalo (+2) over Miami.  Has Buffalo’s ship sunk this quickly? And, Miami is laying points two weeks in a row?


JCK: 26-24-1 (This Week, 0-1)

  1. Buffalo (+2) over Miami
  2. Cleveland (-1) over Jacksonville
  3. Oakland (-1) over Minnesota
  4. New England (-14.5) over Kansas City


Nichols: 22-26-2

Cincinnati (+7) @ Baltimore:  Baltimore has struggled and is without Lewis this week.  Cincy is hot.  Cincy outright.

Detroit (-7) v. Carolina:  Stafford needs to get back on track, and hosting Carolina is the best way for that to happen.

Dallas (-9) @ Washington:  Romo has found a nice groove with the offense and Washington is a stink fest.

San Francisco (-9.5) v. Arizona:  Best defense in the league and Alex Smith continues to impress.  A 14 point win is a huge statement.

Chicago (-3.5) v. San Diago:  The Bears look really good.  A whale’s vagina looks really bad.


Commissioner’s D.A. Top 10:

  1. Tyler Palko
  2. Blaine Gabbert
  3. Christian Ponder
  4. Colt McCoy
  5. Josh Freeman
  6. Sam Bradford
  7. Andy Dalton
  8. Vince Young
  9. John Skelton
  10. Jay Cutler


All right, that’s it for the week.  Go Team USA down under.  Seriously Tiger, get it together and win a match.  Don’t let Stevie have all the glory.  It looks like, for now, that Brian Schneider was the big Phillies move of the week, so hopefully we won’t have to preempt this post with any hot-stove news.  Will someone please sign Reyes so we can see what Rollins is going to do?  All right, get your D.A. lists in, it’s must-win time, and speaking of that, good luck to everyone in their fantasy football wars.



6 thoughts on “Lara Bingle Wants to Shot-Jingle

  1. Oh John Skelton, we’ve been waiting for you: 6-19 for 90 yds and 3 INTs.
    And mop up duty goes to Richard Bartel? That’s right, the stud from Tarleton St. WTF? Tarleton St? How bout the cardinals fire their scouting dept, how can 1 team keep ending up with these QBs? How about they just draft a qb from Tennessee or Georgia or nc state or Wisconsin, just someone whom most people can say ‘alright the guy started for 3 yrs at a big d1 prgm and went to a rose bowl….

  2. I think I said this last year, but I was really hoping that it was Rick Martel, like the wrestler, and not Rick Bartel.

    You would like to sit down the Cardinals personnel guys and be like, what the hell is going on here?

  3. If I were him I would go with Dick Bartel. That at least sounds like a guy who could have played QB for the Chiefs or something in the early 70s. Richard Bartel sounds like a CPA.

  4. Yeah, I did.

    Sorry, yesterday I didn’t have much time to update before the games started.

    i’ll put them up retroactively here.

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