Oh, the shame. We’ve officially gone off the tracks here. You’ll see the gory details in a moment, but something just isn’t clicking around here. I’ll offer up my excuse and then if the others want to chime in with what went wrong for them–they’re more than welcome. I took 2 games where my starting QB got benched as a game-time decision. Is it my responsibility to know this? Sure. Is it likely the starting QB made no difference? Probably. But, that’s one of the problems of picking games a few days early (unless you’re Nichols). You can wedge yourself into an A.J. Feeley commitment. Anyway, we’ve got 20 games left to sort out the standings and make a run. It’s my only priority right now.
NFL Pick ‘Em Standings:
- Big Dub: 36-25-4
- Grossy: 34-28-3
- Kraft: 30-30-5
- JCK: 31-33-1
- Nichols: 28-35-2
The “Lot of People Dressed As Blue Seats In Jacksonville,” Pick of the Week: You know what you can’t be afraid of in gambling? The well. Sometimes, you just got to hook up the dang bridle, take the horse over to the well for the 4th, 6th, 38th straight time and see what happens. Writing off the Chargers for good and assuming they’ll never cover again is just as dumb as picking them on the road against division opponent. But, the Jags are a special breed of foe, truly too inept on offense to cause any damage. And, how about that Phil Rivers? He’s back. Mal-ware Floyd, the Vincent Bros. Watch out, Denver! So, I was the one who made this pick. Sticking with the Bolts on our worst week of the season–by some margin. I’m just trying to give myself a little boost to catch Dub in the stretch run.
The “Holy Quadrangle,” Awful Pick of the Week. Tough one for JCK this week. He might have picked himself right out contention. The one-time fearless leader is finishing like his favorite baseball club. It’s hard to blame him, though. He picked Brady, Ryan, Palmer and Romo and against Orlovsky, Yates, Kolb and Moore on Sunday. He went 0-4. For the single worst pick, I’ll settle on the hometown Pats. The reason? He specifically told me early in the week that he wasn’t going to go there. We discussed how often teams do not cover 17+ point spreads, and then he wedged them in there anyway. It happens. One 8-2 stretch could turn it all around.
D.A. Standings and Summaries:
Great D.A. week. We have to bid farewell to the playoff hopes of two great GMs. The Slop Jocks and The Shiva Cry both will not be making return trips to the playoffs. But, some new blood is always nice. The overall #1 seed was clinched. And, the rest of the guys are in a dog fight. A few teams scored huge wins and closed the gaps in the standings and the overall points. Week 14 should be amazing.
D.A. Fantasy Football Standings:
- Neckbeards and Codeine*: 9-4 (300.50 points)
- Kraft: 7-6 (397.50 points)
- Fake Chow: 7-6 (360.75)
- JCK: 7-6 (228.25 points)
- Eli Esses D: 7-6 (213. 25 points)
- Team Horse Face: 6-7 (348.00 points)
- The Slop Jocks: 5-8 (234.25 points)
- The Shiva Cry: 4-9 (229.25 points)
*Clinched #1 seed
Eli Esses D wins Must-Win over Kraft, 48 to -.25.
The charge of Eli Esses D continues. The boys are still fighting an uphill battle in the points category, but this latest win sets them up nicely for week 14. It was back to the Colt McCoy well for Dub, and McCoy sent Cleveland’s scouting department on the trail of Robert Griffin with another atrociously inaccurate performance. He piled up 29 points and was complimented by a sputtering Andy Dalton (19 points). For Kraft, his position in the playoffs is still strong thanks to his total points, but this week was a blow. Christian Ponder’s near 400 yard effort (-14.25 points) put him in a huge hole.
Team Horse Face Catapults into Contention with 71 to (-6) win over JCK
Team Horse Face has been chasing it since the bottom fell out of a 3-0 start, but with over 100 points in the last two weeks, the final playoff spot is looking like a real possibility. The question is, will the Bears keep going with Caleb Hanie (46 points)? He’s been a treasure. Tough week for JCK, couldn’t dodge Tebow again (-9 points), but this was a loss from the jump with Horse Face surging into the 70s.
Fake Chow Scorches The Shiva Cry, 65 to (-8).
Fake Chow was the other team that served themselves well this week. Sixty-five points goes a long way in the standings and covers up some lighter weeks earlier in the year. This was all about Rex Grossman. My goodness. He just kept chucking and chucking, and ended up 19 of 46. Dang. It added up to 50 points in the end, one of the highest totals of the year. It was more than enough for Fake Chow who threw in 15 points from Blaine Gabbert for good measure. On the other side, the disastrous 2nd half for Shiva Cry continued. Never got anything going, a disappointing 9 points from Palko the final insult this Sunday. Better luck next year, Shiva, you’ll have to settle for trying to ruin JCK’s season in week 14.
The Slop Jocks beat Neckbeards 32 to (-30.75), but It’s Not Enough.
The Slop Jocks can finish on a high, but their season will be over next week. Beating the 1st place team I’m sure is little consolation. T.J. Yates showed the ability to be pretty bad in a win (15 points) and the Joe Flacco regression show hit Cleveland, where he contributed 17 points of his own. It was a rare off-week for Neckbeards. Perhaps they are looking ahead to the playoffs. They still clinched the #1 seed, thanks to a rough overall week for all the leaders. I wonder if Orlovsky’s late heroics (-28.75 points) will keep him off the radar in the coming weeks.
3-PT D.A. of the Week:
Two-man race. It was Rex Grossman’s historic 27 incompletions vs. Caleb Hanie’s entire body of work. In the end, I chose Hanie, because I appreciate a well-rounded, awful QB. The Bears are in an uncommon run of bad luck, losing Forte on Sunday to add to their injury woes. With Kansas City coming to town, many expected the defense and running game to be enough, but that wasn’t the case. Most of that lies with the lucky KC Hail Mary, but also Hanie’s complete inability to do anything positive for the Bears. When you can’t play well enough to completely squash the Donovan McNabb rumors you’ve won yourself a D.A. They are desperate not to sign McNabb, but with Hanie doing his thing, they might have no choice but to give him a look.
*If you play D.A. expect a playoff related email Tuesday or Weds.
**Ryan Fitzpatrick takes historical D.A. honors this week. Link at the top of the page, as usual.