Elisha Cuthbert Sees Through

Your Faulty Logic; Picks her Own Winners.

Where is everyone?  Already on Christmas blogcation?  It’s understandable.  This is the last weekend you really have left, I suppose.  Of course, none of that explains why I haven’t received any picks yet.  I think the most likely reason for that is that the other members of the Big-5 have all but conceded my inevitable rise to the top of the rankings.  If you can’t win, take your ball and go home.  I’ve got my eyes set on the top-spot this week, and I think another four wins should do the trick.  I need this.  In part, because last night my fantasy football playoff squad fell into a hole the approximate size of Roddy White.  Can I come back?  That’s probably largely dependent on Vincent Jackson.  Oh, the horror.  I need a subject change.  Let’s pick some games…

Grossy:  38-29-3

New England (-6.5) over Denver.  Might as well pull out the big artillery right away.  As I remember it, Denver has no quality wins.  The last time they faced a decent offense at home they lost by about five touchdowns.  The schedule is no longer as kind.  And, for as suspect as New England’s defense can be at times, the Broncos really aren’t in a position to exploit it that much.  Who’s covering Gronk?  The Broncos have New England’s attention, the Pats need this game, this is all bad news for Denver.

San Diego (+2.5) over Baltimore.  Not a great spot for the Ravens.  If you remember the last time they came storming across the country they lost to Seattle.  The way my fantasy week started, the Chargers are going to run for about 235 yds in this one.  San Diego is better at home than they are on the road, Philip Rivers has been playing better–Gates is back in action–and they’ll go into this game expecting a win to gain them a game on Denver.  I’m not the only one who likes the Pats, believe that.  I’m still waiting for Baltimore’s defense to wear down a bit, this could be the game.

Dallas (-7) over Tampa Bay.  Tampa got crushed by Jacksonville last week.  If you saw Jacksonville play last night, you’ll realize that’s not a good football team.  Dallas is in a tailspin of their own, but this is the absolute perfect spot to pull out of it.  It looks like 6 weeks of watching DeMarco Murray turn into a franchise back might have finally lit a fire under Felix Jones.  He’ll cut up Tampa’s porous defense, I suppose Laurent Robinson fantasy owners will get another TD, and Jason Garrett might even sub himself in to take a few snaps in garbage time.

New York Jets (+3) over Philadelphia.  You have to have your finger on the pulse of the hometown team.  There’s a chance the Eagles’ slim playoff hopes will be all but squashed by the time they take the field Sunday afternoon.  If Dallas takes care of TB, and the Giants can fend off Washington–the Eagles can forget about 8-8 taking the division.  It was a nice effort against Miami last week, but the Dolphins are terrible.  The Jets are a step up, they’ll run the ball at will, and I fear that Sanchize might even get in the mix.  A reminder that this was a lost Eagles season.  Jets outright.

Arizona (-7) over Cleveland.  In what world are the Cardinals 7-point favorites?  I’ve got no choice but to expect a big romp for the Red Birds.  Cleveland is terrible against the run, which sets up well for Beanie Wells.  Arizona’s a decent home team and let’s not forget there will be a Seneca Wallace sighting.  Go look at a list of QBs that Wallace has backed up and then tell me what you think of Cleveland’s chances.  If the Browns stuck around in Arizona for a few more weeks, they’d be TD underdogs in the damn Fiesta Bowl.  This is another lock.


Kraft:  31-34-5

Looks like Kraft is going against bad QBs this week.  There are plenty to choose from.

  1. Seattle (+3.5) over Chicago
  2. Detroit (-1) over Oakland
  3. Tennessee (-7) over Indy
  4. Carolina (+6.5) over Houston
  5. Green Bay (-14) over Kansas City


JCK:  33-36-1

  1. New York Giants (-7) over Washington
  2. New Orleans (-7) over Minnesota
  3. New England (-6.5) over Denver
  4. Arizona (-7) over Cleveland
  5. Green Bay (-14) over Kansas City


Nichols:  31-37-2

  1. Green Bay (-14) over Kansas City
  2. New Orleans (-7) over Minnesota
  3. Cincinnati (-6.5) over St. Louis
  4. New England (-6.5) over Denver
  5. Cleveland (+7) over Arizona


Finality of Michael Cuddyer Interlude.  Cuddyer goes to Colorado.  Three years, 30 million.  There’s another hit to the Jimmy Rollins salary sweepstakes.  Not as bad Aramis going 3/36, but another guy under what some people had him pegged for.  I’m glad the Cuddyer hysteria died down a bit.  He wasn’t going to be what Phillies fans expected.  Frankly, they were expecting too much.  I’m not sure why the Twins didn’t cough up a bit more cash to keep him over Willingham, but the result is Colorado’s gain.  It’s a nice move for the Rockies, but the Phillies didn’t need another guy making 10+ million and charging toward 35.  Jayson Stark is high on Laynce Nix, so what are you worried about?  Maybe it’s because they both have unnecessary “ys” in their name.


Bowl Picks Bonus: 

Ok, we’ve got some bowl picks, for the people who took the time to pick all 234 games, I feel like we have to keep track.  I’ll decide where to do that at a later date, but to document the action…Saturday’s Picks:

Aaron–Temple (-7), Ohio (+2.5), San Diego St. (-4.5)


Big Dub–Wyoming (+7), Utah State (-2.5), Louisiana Lafayette (+4.5)


DC–With Bonus Analysis:

  1. TEMPLE (-7).  I thought, who is Temple to lay points to anyone, but then I thought, well, maybe Wyoming fits that bill.
  2. UTAH STATE (-2.5).  Did you know that Frank Solich is 0-38 lifetime against the spread in bowl games?
  3. SAN DIEGO STATE (-4.5).  Always bet on Marshall Faulk.


Grossy–Temple (-7), Ohio (+2.5), San Diego St. (-4.5)

*NOTE* The Antagonist said that since I’ve watched a grand total of 36 minutes of college football this year that he’ll simply take the exact opposite of my picks, and he’s fairly comfortable that will get the job done in this contest.



Commissioner’s D.A. Top-10:

  1. Seneca Wallace
  2. Kyle Orton
  3. Caleb Hanie
  4. Charlie Batch–I think he’ll play.
  5. Dan Orlovsky
  6. Christian Ponder
  7. Carson Palmer
  8. Tim Tebow
  9. QB Dolphins
  10. Josh Freeman


Ok, that’s it.  I imagine some picks will float in through the weekend.  If not, like I said, I’m not above accepting a forfeit.  I need D.A. lineups from people in the playoffs.  If you have any lingering desire to pick Bowl Games…here’s the list.  They start Saturday.  And that should do it.  Have a good weekend.  Don’t give any ground in the mall, and be liberal with the icing on your gingerbread cookies.  See you Monday.



9 thoughts on “Elisha Cuthbert Sees Through

  1. Beastly. Three of four people had him ranked #1.

    What is Chicago doing sending him out there every week? How can you justify it? Nine wins could back into a playoff spot, they started what 7-3? And just packed in the season with this mutt.

  2. The Broncos WR Thomas attempted a pass, and is 0-1. 0-1 QB rating apparently is 39.6. Caleb Hanie, 33.3. I don’t know how 0-1, 0 yds equals 39.6? That being said, i can’t believe Hanie was as high as 33.3

  3. May i use 3putt’s expression: BAHAHAHAHAH, check this out:

    “Those guys are jokes. They couldn’t get a f—— receiver if it hit them in the head. They haven’t had any decent receivers since Jimmy Smith.”

    — Atlanta cornerback Dunta Robinson, to the Florida Times Union after Atlanta’s 41-14 rout of the Jags Thursday night, on the quality of receivers acquired by the Jaguars over the years.

    As Bill Simmons would say, “ladies & gentlemen, your 2011 Jax Jaguars”

    Read more: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/peter_king/12/19/Week15/index.html#ixzz1gzxc1tKd

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