Tuesday Morning Self-Esteem Check.

Where Do You Lie on the Zero to Panda on a Rocking Horse Scale?

I really missed the Tuesday Morning Self-Esteem Check.  Maybe because it’s a post that writes itself.  Just churn out those numbers.  It’s amazing how good going 3-2 in Pick ‘Em can make you feel.  Who me?  Sixty Percent?  Stop it, I’m blushing.  This will be pared down a bit from years past, but the meat is still on the bone.  Before we get to the standings, (I know, flying right in the face of the title of the post) I thought I’d go with the 8 biggest overreactions from week one.  I’m especially suited for this, because I hardly saw a snap on Sunday.  Watch me draw conclusions from box scores…

1.  Peyton Manning is now the BEST QB EVER.   Man, did people miss Pey-Pey.  As far as I can tell, he did his usual–against a Steeler team that maybe isn’t quite as good as they have been?  Guy’s neck doesn’t fall off and we’re smitten.  

2.  RG3 is a GOLDEN GOD, aka Mike Trout.  Am I impressed?  Sure.  Do I remember that the Saints can give up 50 points to anyone, anyone at all?  Sure. 

3.  The Jets QB controversy is over.  Look at that Sanchez.  Poised.  Born leader.  Poor Tebow only had 5 rushes.  They didn’t even let the kid throw it.  Patience.  

4.  Joe Flacco has turned the corner.  Nope.  Flacco will never turn the corner.  The Ravens are a pretty good team, though.  

5.  Tony Romo has turned the corner.  Nope.  Romo will never turn the corner.  Beating the Giants in September is not that big of a deal.  

6.  Russell Wilson is a Brees/Newton hybrid.  This is a guest overreaction from the pre-season.  If you missed this column.  Um, yeah.  Scroll down about 11,000 words for some uncommon hyperbole.  The Seahawks are not going to make the Super Bowl.  

7.  The replacement refs are ruining everything.  I’m pretty sure any human that puts on an NFL ref’s jersey turns into a stone moron.  Hooray for human error!  As I type this, Norv Turner is sprinting onto the field screaming, “Throw the flag, throw the flag, WTF.”  Terrific stuff.

8.  The Eagles have all the same problems as last season and are headed toward a monumentally disappointing season.  Like I said, seven overreactions.   

***

NFL Pick ‘Em Standings: 

  1. JCK: 3-2
  2. Grossy: 3-2
  3. Big Dub: 2-3
  4. Kraft: 2-3
  5. Nichols: 2-3
  6. DC: 2-3

I think this pretty much sums it up.  The extremes in this business are difficult.  There were a few harsh lessons to be learned in terms of things looking too easy.  The Eagles game comes to mind.  The Browns looked exactly as bad as you thought they’d look and yet the Eagles never sniffed a cover.  Or, you could have the Raiders’ long-snapper going down with an injury and all of a sudden their special teams turns into a comedy of errors.  How do you ever predict these things?  I DON’T KNOW.  

The “Thank God Honeycrisps Are Back,” Pick of the Week:  Kraft, St. Louis (+7.5) over Detroit.  

I thought someone would pick Detroit this week.  I thought about doing it myself.  Remember how bad the Rams were last year?  It would have been easy to see the Lions rolling up a million points.  At best, the Rams keep it close for a while and then get their doors blown off, ala Miami and Indy.  But, perhaps everyone is a bit high on Detroit (the Megatron factor) and Kraft sniffed them out as being overvalued.  We had some real nice calls on underdogs in week one, but since Kraft forgot to send in his D.A. picks for week one and took a forfeit, I thought he might benefit from a “Pick of the Week,” award.  

The “I win 70% of My Undocumented Picks,” Awful Pick of the Week:  DC, Minnesota (-3.5) over Jax.  

I feel like this is the appropriate way to welcome DC into the picking fraternity.  Might as well get all the indignities out of the way early.  We probably deserve a collective lashing for our loyalty to the Eagles, but as always there is cover in the common mistake.  Some of you probably think that certain experts do not provide any analysis because they don’t have the time, or can’t think of any jokes.  The real reason is, I can use your own words against you in this spot every week.  To wit, “I think Minnesota will be better than everyone thinks this year.”  You see the problem here is: I’m not sure what that means.  Better than 0-16?  Yes.  Good enough to cover against the Jags at home?  No, sir.  

***

D.A. Fantasy Football Standings:

  1. The Shiva Cry: 1-0
  2. Neckbeards and Codeine: 1-0
  3. Team Horse Face: 1-0
  4. Fake Chow: 1-0
  5. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters: 0-1
  6. Eli Esses D: 0-1
  7. Doubleback Vineyards: 0-1
  8. Kraft: 0-1

3-PT D.A. of the Week:  Brandon Weeden.  

*For full D.A. coverage, including a breakdown’s of Weeden’s historic stink bomb, click the D.A. tab at the top of the page.  

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2 thoughts on “Tuesday Morning Self-Esteem Check.

  1. Week one wouldn’t feel right without Fake Chow starting strong.
    I didn’t bother to watch the Skins game. It’s a Skins game. Is RG3 worth my time next week?

  2. Nice Win.

    The Redskins don’t exactly have what I would call a challenging early schedule.

    I think RG3 could keep putting up highlights for a while, but that doesn’t mean you should watch the Redskins.

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