No fluff today. I’m busy. I’m sure you are too. Try to squeeze in the mail bag.
Q: I’m in a bit of a man cave debate. What are your thoughts on multiple television screens? Looks great in the drawings, but are they practical? Whyde Screene, Tampa, FL.
A: I sit firmly in the buy the nicest SINGLE television you can afford camp. I suppose if you are constructing a man cave then you want something that sets you apart. EVERYONE has a single TV. What if I put four on a single wall? Am I four times the man? MAYBE. But, those are going to be four lesser screens. Or maybe you blow all your money on the TVs and have a semi-circle of folding chairs in front of them? Here’s a fact: you cannot watch two things on television at the same time. If you put two games on at that same time, you’ll be “kind of watching,” two games. If you have four on? You won’t really be watching ANYTHING. This is why picture-in-picture and split-screen are two of the biggest TV feature failures of all-time. I remember when we got a picture-in-picture device in my youth. First, the 2nd screen was about the size of a CD case. Second, it required remote control wizardry to get it working properly. WE NEVER USED IT. Now, every man out there with an ego thinks they could perfectly orchestrate a multi-TV set-up and catch ALL the best action. That’s the dream scenario, but in my mind it’s proved impossible for the pedestrian. The Red Zone channel has pulled off the feat–proving the dream was real, but also making the multi-TV setup an unnecessary and distracting extravagance.
Q: Don’t know if you noticed, but Miguel Cabrera is kinda, sorta close to winning the Triple Crown. Karl Yazstermazkiskzi, Boston, MA.
A: Did I notice? Perhaps you forget that I pick Miguel Cabrera to win the AL MVP every single year. And every year Cabrera goes out and puts up monster numbers–then gets STIFFED. Buster Olney was hypothesizing the other day whether or not Cabrera would be a Hall of Famer if he retired RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Your initial reaction is to scoff, but then you check his numbers–just to be thorough. He’s hit 318 homers. He’s a career .318 hitter and that number is on the rise. Kid has basically had Todd Helton’s career in 2/3 of the time and he’s only 29. Somehow he’s never won an MVP despite never hitting under .320, never hitting less than 30 homers and never driving in less than 100 runs in Detroit. This year he’s sitting at .333/41/130. He’s one HR behind Josh Hamilton in the Triple Crown race with the other two categories pretty well in hand. For those who are unawares, the Triple Crown is RARE AS SH*T. Yet despite all this, Cabrera wasn’t even a serious candidate for the MVP until a few weeks ago. Mike Trout (golden god of fantasy) had the award sewed up. Cabrera has a way of running into historic years. Trout’s is another. In the precious “WAR” category–Trout is killing Miggy. Trout is also impacts the game in center. He’s FAST. Cabrera is offense only. The result of this race will be a real indication of where baseball is going. Twenty years ago Trout would have finished 2nd. Now, it’s possible Cabrera could win the Triple Crown and lose the MVP. Personally, I’d go Cabrera. I do have a close eye on it, and am paying attention to baseball even though I’ve ignored it on the blog. Guess I’m waiting for that final Phillies resolution before I dive back in.
Q: I was at Wawa the other day and the sandwich maker came around the counter and started “schooling,” a customer on the best way to use the screen. He was real cocky about it and it made me think is it admirable, or annoying that a guy who throws together hoagies has such a high opinion of himself? Mini Wage, Phoenix, AZ.
A: That sounds like quite a scene. If a Wawa employee attempted to “school” me on the touch screen there’s a pretty good chance I’d just walk out. I’d definitely deliver the death stare, and then decide on how badly I wanted the sandwich. There’s nothing worse than unsolicited help. I went into Macy’s the other day and I was MAYBE going to buy a pair of pants. I was immediately hounded. I said I was OK–I’ve bought pants before–and that was it for a bit. Then I got round two, “what size are you looking for?” I’m looking for size BACK OFF, SKIPPY. I don’t care if you’ve memorized the location of every pair of pants in the entire store. I’m an adult. If I need help I will open my face hole and ask you for help. And, I’ll be sure to let you check me out so you can take “fake credit,” for the sale or WHATEVER, but get out of my face. This was a move of desperation, not cockiness, but I think the rule is generally the same. They both don’t sit well. Imagine you pull a shirt off the rack and the guy says, “Oh, that’ll look terrible on you–try this.” That’s kind of what the Wawa situation sounds like to me. If you want to be cocky–write a blog–don’t bring it to the workplace. PS, I didn’t buy the pants.
Q: Is there anything more frustrating that pulling some laundry out of the machine and catching that whiff–it’s not clean. Furious. B.O. Linger, Yakima, WA
A: It’s a nightmare. Especially for someone like me who is still coughing up quarters to do their laundry. I THOUGHT I’D HAVE MY OWN WASHER BY NOW. But, anyway, it’s bad enough to have to round up the change and then you realize all that effort was for naught. For me, this most often happens with towels and those “performance fabric” items that you pour sweat into. They had to invent a new kind of detergent to clean some of that stuff. That should tell you all you need to know. But, it’s the towels that are the worst for me. They can get really nasty. So much so that I’ve contemplated the disposable bath towel business. I suppose we waste enough–and people love their luxurious bath towels, but I’d probably contemplate using them. You can’t overload the washer when you do your towels–frustrating. You have to use the hot water–costly. And, you might even have to spring for that 2nd rinse–time consuming. If I ever go through all that and the towel is still a little funky? TRASH TIME. Get a new towel and move on. It’s not worth the mental anguish.
Q: Is three (3) Entennman’s soft-baked cookies the most ridiculous serving suggestion you’ve ever seen? Chip Baker, Topkea, KS.
A: I don’t pay any attention to serving sizes. According to those stats a serving of pasta is like 9 rotini. I’m not sure who eats so economically. The worse the food is for you, the smaller the serving size. I’m sure if you looked at a bag of spinach, the serving size would be like 1,000 ounces. Go for the gold, CHUBBY. It’s very difficult to break up 1 package into multiple servings. As soon as you crack that box of Entenmann’s you’ve started something. An inevitable drive to the finish. Three is awfully insulting, though. Those things are about the size of a silver dollar. Three of them barely makes up one regular cookie. I can say with some comfort that no one has ever eaten three cookies immediately after opening the box. The challenge is, can I make these last until tomorrow? Can I spread this out over TWO FEEDINGS? So, when I think that three (3) comes into play is on day-2. It took all your will power to not finish them the night before so the next morning you crush the remaining three. There’s your serving size.
Q: Which group do you think is worse, music snobs or sports snobs? Barry Jive, Chicago, IL.
A: I never even thought about “sports snobs,” until I read this question. Music, literature, wine, food–sure. Those are the biggies. Sports are too accessible, too democratic for snobs, right? WRONG. I am a huge sports snob. A few weeks ago I heard someone talking about the Orioles. They were droning on and then said something about their pitching “group,” or some such term that was idiotic. It wasn’t pitching staff, it wasn’t rotation, and I immediately TUNED THEM OUT. I didn’t listen to another word because I said to myself, “this idiot has no idea what they’re talking about.” I once uttered this sentence, “You can tell he doesn’t know baseball just by how he phrases his questions.” This was in regard to a beat reporter. Should I GET OVER MYSELF? When you are in one group, it’s easy to say the other is worse. I would feel uncomfortable in a group of music snobs if I was forced to participate. I’d probably send them into hysterics within seconds–it’d be MY PERSONAL NIGHTMARE. And when I think of sports snobs, or my group of such people, I think of us as all accommodating and filled with mirth. But, I’ve just given examples where that wasn’t the case. Music snobs are still worse, though. HANDS DOWN.
Q: Can I get the pick for the Thursday game? Or am I going to have to ask every week?
You might have to ask every week. Look at the NFL stepping up with borderline decent games on Thursday. This week New York is venturing into the house of pain known as Charlotte, North Carolina, aka the Lambeau of the South. The Giants are 1-point favorites. Let’s see who has winners…
Big Dub, Record: 5-4-1
Carolina (+1) over New York. Giants off an emotional win, playing on a short week and dealing with key injuries is a recipe for disaster. How is NY going to stop Cam? They couldn’t slow down Romo or Freeman. I laugh at this line and make it my Game of the Year (until next week).
JCK, Record: 6-4
New York (-1) over Carolina. Give me the G Men – Cam Newton is a fraud. All his number come when they are down 20.
Kraft, Record: 6-4
Carolina (+1) over New York. I hate taking the early game, its like swinging at the 1st pitch….but, with all of the Giants injuries I will take Carolina +1 at home. The Giants were begging to go 0-2, with both losses at home, but miraculously pulled out a W. I just don’t think they are that good, they are one dimensional and cannot run the ball. And their D isn’t playing as dominant as they have been when they were unbeatable.
There you go. Free winners. SOMEONE WILL BE RIGHT. Unless it’s a push. In which case–no one loses. I never pick the Thursday game, but the rest of the picks will go up tomorrow and I’ve published my D.A. Rankings for week three. Hooray.