Olivia Wilde Has Winners.

Bet the House.

The worst thing about posting the NFL Picks late in the day is that you can’t help but look at what other idiots around the web are picking.  You always end up seeing some stat or some argument that gives you pause.  The important thing to remember is that no one knows what they’re talking about, and even if everything goes wrong–maybe you get lucky.  So, here we come, like a classic scramble team, last in wins.

Kraft, Record: 9-6

St. Louis (+3) over Seattle.  Karma.

Arizona (-6) over Miami.  Apparently Arizona has the steel curtain for a defense, which shouldn’t bode well for Ryan Tannehill and the joke that is the Miami Dolphins.

Giants (+2) over Philadelphia.  I’m astounded the Giants are getting points.  Vick will be getting booed after the 1st three and out, he’ll pretend he has a shoulder injury after the 1st strip-sack by JPP and then chants for Koy Detmer will rain down after his 2nd pick.

San Francisco (+4) over New York Jets, Jets, Jets.  Bounce back game.  The Sanchize will channel his inner Ryan Leaf for this one.  The Niners D has to be a tad embarrassed after last week, and Sanchize will be on the receiving end of this annihilation.  Tebow gets some quality snaps as the $2 million punt protector.

Carolina (+7) over Atlanta.  Closer than the experts think.  Carolina has to be desperate here and Atlanta is not the 1985 Bears.

***

Nichols, Record, 8-7

  1. San Diego (Pick ‘Em) over Kansas City
  2. Tennessee (+12) over Houston
  3. Seattle (-3) over St. Louis
  4. Cincinnati (-2.5) over Jacksonville
  5. Chicago (+3.5) over Dallas

***

JCK, Record: 8-7

  1. New England (-4) over Buffalo
  2. New York Giants (+2) over Philadelphia
  3. Carolina (+7) over Atlanta
  4. Tennessee (+12) over Houston
  5. Dallas (-3.5) over Chicago

***

DC, Record: 8-7

St. Louis (+3) over Seattle.  Can Seattle possibly get on a plane after two straight wins* and not come out flat?  Give me the home team and three points, thanks.

San Francisco (-4) over New York Jets.  The “long travel” theory has its limits.  Am I supposed to trust Mark Sanchez just because he pulled off a miracle against the 1985 Bears Miami Dolphins?  San Francisco could cover this line even if their offense doesn’t play a snap.

Houston (-12) over Tennessee.   Yes, Tennessee scored a lot of points last week, but 21 of those points came off kick returns or fumble returns and 14 more points came off unusually long plays by Jared Cook and Nate Washington.  In other words, Tennessee got incredibly lucky last week.  Raise your hand if you think Jared Cook and Nate Washington are going to pick apartthe Texans defense.  *Sitting quietly*

Atlanta (-7) over Carolina and Tampa Bay (-3) over Washington.  I don’t have a great feel for any of the games left on the board.  By all rights Green Bay should blow the doors off New Orleans but I’m not sure Green Bay isn’t still in horseface.  I’d normally take the Bears over the Cowboys but something about the line doesn’t look right to me.  I was tempted to take Buffalo until I remembered their injury situation at running back.  All Eagles games are OFF.  And the rest of the games involve sloppy teams, who knows what they’re going to do.  Given all this, I’ll ride the bandwagon as far as it goes in ATLANTA (-7) over Carolina and I’ll take the rooting interest in TAMPA BAY (-3) over Washington.

***

Grossy, Record: 7-7-1

New England (-4) over Buffalo.  I know that Keegan Bradley likes the Red Sox.  I assume he’s probably a Pats fan as well.  After today’s Ryder Cup matches, I’m thinking it’s going to be a pretty good week for Keegan Bradley, aka Lanny Wadkins Jr.  In terms of the ACTUAL GAME, I think the Patriots played a really solid game on the road last week and they’ll be motivated to even their record up at 2-2.  Who is Buffalo giving the ball to at this point?  Is Don Beebe running the wildcat?  Maybe.  Should be a rout.

Kansas City (Pick ‘Em) over San Diego.  Remember last week when San Diego was favored over Atlanta–perhaps the best team in the NFC?  Yeah, things leveled off pretty quickly.  The Chargers are a disjointed mess and are notorious for going on the road in the AFC West and laying down hideous efforts.  As long as KC’s long snapper stays on the field, I think the Jamaaaaal Charles show rambles on.

Washington (+3) over Tampa Bay.  Who are the Bucs to be giving points to anyone?  Their most memorable play of the season came on a kneel down.  Anyone who even casually reads the blog knows that I hate the Bucs with an extraordinary passion.  I should probably just start picking against them every week.  It’ll be like therapy.  Plus, RG3.  Kid needs a bounce back win.  It’s coming.

Philadelphia (-2) over New York.  This is stage 7 in an eleven step hybrid hexola.  Actually, this is a Brian Dawkins tribute pick.  The Eagles are retiring Dawk’s number on Sunday night.  I don’t know if the Eagles have the balls to lose on Dawkins’ night.  If they let him in the locker room before the game, he may actually end up playing the 1st series at safety–drooling like a lunatic.  Eagles are junk, but always give NY a game.  Too much energy in Philly’s favor.  They can win by an Akers.

Bears (+3.5) over Dallas.  What’s going on with Dallas’ offense?  No, I’m serious.  As a Dez Bryant fantasy owner, I’d like to know.  Skunked in Seattle.  Meh at home against Tampa.  Tampa?  The Bears have done a pretty good job locking teams down and Monday night shouldn’t be any different.  The only question is, who plays worse: Cutler or Romo?  In prime time these guys could try to 1-up each other.  If it gets that ugly, it’ll be a field goal game, at worst.

***

Big Dub, Record: 8-7-1

New England (-4) over Buffalo.  Huge trap set by Vegas and I’m ignoring it.

St. Louis (+3) over Seattle.  Letdown spot for the Seahawks on the road.  Don’t forget the Rams got the best of rookie RG3.  They do the same to Wilson.

Jacksonville (+2.5) over Cincinnati.  The Bengals defense, particularly against the run, is awful.  Jacksonville isn’t great, but I can see MJD having a field day in this one and hiding the flaws of Gabbert.

Tampa Bay (-3) over Washington.  The college coach has seen acts like RG3 before.  Problem at Rutgers was he didn’t have the athletes to stop this nonsense.  Now he does.  His defense shut down Cam, now they light up this knucklehead.

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7 thoughts on “Olivia Wilde Has Winners.

  1. did DC pick ’em last year? regardless, fresh stuff. enjoy reading. learning a lot…and Grossy, I think you’re a jinx and in lieu of Tom Brady with Puppies (actually maybe that was the jinx)…I’m gonna say directly, I’m angry. Don’t the Pats lose when you pick ’em? So adamantly? Or is that the Eagles?

    Oh well. Q

  2. This is true. It’s got the potential for a perfect storm. Opponent, prime time, Dawkins night. It could get REAL ugly. Plenty of content and grainy cell phone videos for Deadspin.

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