Jennifer Lawrence Takes Aim at NFL Winners

Always Bet on Katniss.

Jim Harbaugh and the 49ers were responsible for one of the great emotional swings in gambling history last night.  The Niners appeared to be on their way to a deliberate, if ugly, cover but then Alex Smith threw an interception near the goal line and the clock just melted away.  On what appeared to be Seattle’s last gasp, Russell Wilson came up inches short on a fourth down pass and the Niners would win by seven points.  But, there was a flag!  A penalty resulting in a safety.  Niners by nine!  That would have covered any line out there, but Harbaugh declined the penalty, took a knee and made or ruined a million nights.  Could you be faulted if you had either side?  More importantly, can you handle the swings, come back with a clear head for Sunday?

DC, Record: 14-16

Green Bay (-5.5) over St. Louis.  Somehow this line feels like a trap to me, but let me put it this way: how am I supposed to take St. Louis in the face of what Aaron Rodgers did last week?  Lawrence Phillips could walk through that door right now, but it wouldn’t make any difference because he’d be wearing an orange jumpsuit and shackles.

Carolina (+2.5) over Dallas.  Carolina is coming off a bye week, and Dallas is still bickering with each other about things like getting back to the line of the scrimmage when the game’s on the line.  Dallas has more talent but my hunch is that it’s going to take them a few more weeks of coaching-change gossip to figure out what’s wrong with them.  Meanwhile Carolina is bound to see some marginal improvement over the next few weeks.  I’ll take the home team and points.

Chicago (-6.5) over Detroit.  Detroit must be getting a few extra but undeserved points for beating the Eagles. Zachery Ty Bryan’s favorite team has a worse point differential on the year than the New York Jets, Miami Dolphins, and Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  Chicago runs away with this one.

Minnesota (-6.5) over Arizona.  It’s a big line but I think Arizona is really taking a step back at the moment, and they are one bad hit away from Ryan Lindley stepping in at the helm.  I think Minnesota will also regress a little bit from their current trajectory, but I like them at home here.

Houston (-6.5) over Baltimore.  Again, a big line, but I think we’re being tempted to remember Houston’s stinkbomb last week and overlook the facts that the Ravens are playing without Ray Lewis, are probably looking forward to the bye week, and are playing over their heads anyway at 5-1.  Houston 34, Baltimore 23.


Kraft, Record: 15-14-1

This is going to be a tough week, to steal an analogy I feel like I’m the baby who is victimized by the creepy guy (Vegas)…my best shot:

 Houston (-6.5) over Baltimore.  No Ray Ray, Ngata with a torn ACL…John Harbaugh will play the “no one believes in us,” card, but no one does believe in a Ravens squad with a decimated defense and an offense that struggles on the road.  Houston had their pants pulled down in prime time last week.  They bounce back.

New England (-10.5) over NY Jets.  There were murmurs of Tebow at RB.  I never thought I’d feel sympathy for the Jets Fireman in the stands…I stand corrected.  You had a good run, made a valiant effort, you will be hated in the long term, but just get it over with.  Buy a Giants jersey and become a Giants fan.

Carolina (+2.5) over Dallas.  The drumbeat for Jason Garrett’s job begins…

Washington (+6.5) over NY Giants.  Giants are .500 at home.  They’re inconsistent.  RG3 is apparently the best QB of all-time.  All I know is that when you are getting more than a FG and have a god at QB, you go with it.

Green Bay (-5.5) over St. Louis.  The Pack is back…


Big Dub, Record: 17-12-2

Carolina (+2.5) over Dallas.  Good teams bounce back from that debacle in Baltimore.  Dallas isn’t good.

Washington (+6.5) over New York Giants.  During the regular season the Giants are never as bad as we think, and they’re never as good as we think.

Oakland (-4) over Jacksonville.  The Jaguars blow.  Somehow they take it to additional depths of suckiness on the road.

Chicago (-6.5) over Detroit.  The Lions looked good for one quarter against a bad team.  This is the week they look bad for four quarters against a good team.


Grossy, Record:  16-12-2

*Brutal slate this week.  I don’t have proof of this, but I’ve definitely had a sense of how I was going to do each week this year.  I felt that 1-4 coming a few weeks back is what I’m trying to say.  I don’t know if that means I’m getting better at this, or if I’ve just become familiar with my own idiocy.

Washington (+6.5) over New York.  I’m not sure the Giants care all that much about the regular season.  Last week, statement game–OK.  But, week to week is there some boredom?  It has to be something, because they can look average at home, you know they’re going to lose five or six games this year–is this a week they drop one?  I’m not calling outright, but a division game and RG3’s ability to avoid the pass rush should keep this one close.

New York Jets (+10.5) over New England.  I’m just going to blindly take some dogs.  They’re 24 games over .500 this year, and this seems like a case where a lesser team might cover.  The Pats have lacked that finishing touch a bit this year.  The Jets are terrible, but if the Pats can blow a 10-point lead in Seattle–maybe the Jets can backdoor?

Cleveland (+2.5) over Indianapolis.  The Browns are 1-5, but they’ve been in most games.  Their point differential is only (-29), which in relative terms isn’t that bad.  I’m ball-parking the Titans at (-136).  You could even make the argument they are getting better.  The Colts had a huge effort two weeks ago, but it’s back to the slog of being a very, very mediocre team.  I’d make a Bernie Kosar joke, but he’s actually too young to play QB for the Browns.  Take the points.

Pittsburgh (-1.5) over Cincinnati.  This game looks way too easy.  But into this pick I stroll, like a child wandering into a theater.  I think the Steelers are getting healthier, despite Big Ben’s little ding and the Bengals just give up way too many points.  To everyone.  I’m even thinking of putting that stiff Antonio Brown back into my fantasy lineup.  Whenever you’re ready, Antonio.

Chicago (-6.5) over Detroit.  Chicago should be ready to go after a bye.  Big divisional game for them, and Detroit on the road for a 2nd straight week after an comeback win.  The emotion meter just doesn’t line up.  The Bears defense will do what the Eagles failed to do last week and the offense will probably do something crazy like give Matt Forte the ball.  Pure offensive innovation.


Nichols, Record:  15-15

  1. Indianapolis (-2.5) over Cleveland
  2. Green Bay (-5.5) over St. Louis
  3. New York Jets (+10.5) over New England
  4. Oakland (-4) over Jacksonville
  5. Detroit (+6.5) over Chicago


JCK, Record: 15-14-1

  1. Indianapolis (-2.5) over Cleveland
  2. New England (-10.5) over New York Jets
  3. New Orleans (-2.5) over Tampa Bay
  4. Dallas (-2.5) over Carolina
  5. Green Bay (-5.5) over St. Louis

3 thoughts on “Jennifer Lawrence Takes Aim at NFL Winners

  1. Joe Flacco must have felt slighted and wanted to let everyone know he should be in the DA mix every goodness
    Once again proving that terrible QB play can trump injuries, an opponent’s defensive weaknesses…

  2. And a belated mention, but deserves some attention: anytime there is a Lawrence Phillips shout out, that gets an A+ in my book.

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