I’m tired of football players celebrating. Does this make me a crotchety supporter of the No Fun League? I don’t care. If guys could come up with something that didn’t feel so premeditated, or didn’t take tens of seconds to develop, maybe I could get on board, but as it stands I’ve seen enough. A sampling of what I hate:
1. The Sack Dance. How many fake weapons can be unsheathed? On Monday Night I saw Tamba Hali and another Chief go through an elaborate routine that verged on disrupting the Steelers’ huddle. By the way? There was a flag on the play. I hate that a DE can have one sack in 40 plays, do his dance, and it’s considered a good game.
2. The 1st Down Point (All Variations). Um, can we agree that all first downs are not created equal? Maybe once a game is a good time for an emphatic 1st down symbol, but when you pick up six yards on 3rd and 5 down a couple of scores? Just go back to the huddle.
3. Mocking Opponents. Doing an opponents celebration is total bush. A few weeks back Darren Sproles scored on a nice play in Denver. He charged into the endzone and did the mile-high salute. The Saints proceeded to get blown out.
4. Any QB celebration. Quarterbacks are very limited in their celebration abilities. Since Joe Namath ran off the field wagging his finger, I’m not sure if a quarterback has ever pulled one off. I still have disturbing memories of Koy Detmer taking out the belt. And, whatever Aaron Rodgers does is a total embarrassment.
5. The Goal Post Dunk. We get it. You wish you were a basketball player. You’re tall (ish). You can jump (kind of). You’re a marginal tight end. How many years has Tony Gonzalez been doing this? Someone tell him it’s OK if he stops. The World will continue to spin.
NFL Pick ‘Em Standings:
- JCK, 29-20-1
- DC, 29-21
- Grossy, 26-22-2
- Nichols, 27-23
- Kraft, 26-23-1
- Big Dub, 25-23-2
The “Could The Baltimore Harbor Smell Any Worse (Spoiler Alert: It Can’t)” Pick of the Week: DC and Big Dub, (Ravens -7,5)
So, the Ravens ran a fake field goal when they were up 41-17. What a very Bob Stoops move. I guess the Ravens have some issue with the Raiders, or else they really, REALLY wanted to make sure they covered that spread. Thirty five points is usually enough to do the trick. Both guys were all over this blowout, calling various parts of it. Joe Flacco looking good (341 yards, 3tds). Torrey Smith scoring multiple touchdowns. The general consensus was this game was not going to be close–and it wasn’t. And, extra credit for calling the Ravens’ offense as the leaders of the blowout and not the formerly vaunted Baltimore defense.
The “Anytime You’re Ready to Stop Picking Miami,” Pick of the Week: Gross (Miami -6)
The Titans put me out of my misery pretty early. I was in the stands at the Patriots game and during a break in the action I took a peek at my phone. There were two shocking blowouts underway. I was on the wrong side of both of them. The Giants and Dolphins were both getting throttled. I immediately had that 0-5 feeling. You feel it rise up in your gut. Any time you are more than 8 games over .500 there is a decent chance an 0-5 is right around the corner. If Vick didn’t get hurt, I might have gotten there. But getting back to Miami–what is my f*cking deal? They beat the Jets, I get all excited and start picking them every week. Sure, it may have been a fluke performance out of Tennessee, but just stop picking Miami. Makes no sense.
The Definitive, Yet Arbitrary Top-10.
1. Houston, 8-1. I would have liked to see that game play out in better conditions, but Houston’s win was the best of the week among a top-5 that took some hits.
2. Atlanta, 8-1. It was hardly a disaster for the Falcons, who blew some chances to win. A loss was inevitable.
3. Green Bay, 6-3. The Packers have beaten Chicago and blew out the Texans. OK?
4. Chicago, 7-2. The Cutler injury reminds you how fragile the Bears can be. The defense can’t do it all.
5. San Francisco, 6-2-1. Tying the Rams at home is embarrassing, but as we all know, a push is not a loss.
6. Baltimore, 7-2. Plenty capable of beating bad football teams, or whatever you call the Raiders.
7. Denver, 6-3. There’s a man with a big forehead, a mediocre arm and serious SNL chops on fire in Denver.
8. New England, 6-3. Pats have seven weeks to figure out how to stop someone.
9. Pittsburgh, 6-3. Big Ben’s injury would be the end. We’ll see if the motocross maniac can come back for next week.
10. Indianapolis, 6-3. Maybe the AFC isn’t as bad as we thought? Or both conferences stink? Andrew Luck going after the rookie wins record.
3-PT D.A. of the Week: Jay Cutler.
Check out the tab at the top of the page for D.A. Standings, Summaries and another look at Jay Cutler–Living D.A. Legend.