2013 D.A. Fantasy Football — Week 14.

Can Geno Smith Score A Juicy Double?

Can Geno Smith Score A Juicy Double?

What’s the greater D.A. trait?  Is it getting benched for Matt Simms?  Matt Simms is so bad that Phil Simms is starting to grumble about “mixups” at the hospital.  Nice try, Phil.  He’s got your albino hair!  And, does Matt Simms make Phil Simms the lesser version of Archie Manning?  Two NFL QB sons!  Then the comparison comes to a crashing halt. Anyway, that’s about four too many rhetorical blog questions into a spiral.  The point is, Geno Smith cannot hold his job.  It doesn’t matter who is playing behind him, the kid is getting pulled by Rex Ryan with reckless abandon.  That’s because the Jets WERE in the playoff hunt.  As amazing as that sounds it was true until Geno really settled into his role.

So, there’s Geno, soon to be delivering for Papa Gino’s, and then there is Matt Flynn the one-time savior who has become an epicenter of destruction in Green Bay.  His game was hideous.  But the aftershocks are still being felt.  The Packers are out of the hunt.  Flynn has also helped ruin the fantasy seasons of everyone on the Packers’ offense.  You don’t want a Packer right now.  Eddie Lacy is going nowhere and Flynn’s 8th grade arm can’t get the ball to any receivers.

For this week, I’m taking killing 20 million fantasy seasons over killing the Jets.  Geno threw for 29 yards, which is incredible, but a true D.A. master would have found a way to stay in the game and continue to pile up terrible numbers.  That was Matt Flynn on Turkey Day.

We’ll start with the seven sacks.  If you watched the game, even out of one gravy saturated eye, you might have guessed 20(?) sacks.  Flynn was consistently on his ass.  When he managed to avoid the rush, Flynn was laser-like to the tune of 10/20 passing.  He threw a pick.  He fumbled twice and lost them both.  Without the Packers’ defensive TD, this final score reads, 40-3.  And, that was with Stafford throwing the Packers the ball out of…boredom?  Flynn will never make another dollar in this league, but we might not have seen the last of him in D.A.

D.A. Standings:  THINGS HAVE BEEN TURNED ON THEIR HEAD!

  1. Fake Chow, 8-5 (185 points)
  2. Eli Esses D, 7-6 (307.25 points)
  3. Doubleback Vineyards, 7-6 (277.25 points)
  4. D.A.iry Queen, INC, 7-6 (237 points)
  5. Team Horse Face, 7-6 (197 points)
  6. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters, 6-7 (216 points)
  7. Tampa Ticklesh*ts, 5-7-1 (190.5 points)
  8. Carlos Danger, 4-8-1 (147.25 points)

One week to go, and Horse Face drops from 1st to 5th. No one is safe from a similar fall next week.  Take care of your business.

***

Quick Summaries:

Eli Esses D Uses Thanksgiving to Get by HVTM, 31.25 to 19.  

Highlights:  Eli benefited from this week’s D.A., Matt Flynn, getting him off to a tremendous start with 32 D.A. points. But, Christian Ponder’s injury-shortened disaster against the Bears kept HVTM right in there until Sunday night.  It was RG3 returning to his signature accuracy (-4 points) that kept HVTM out of the winner’s circle and pushed them into sixth place.

D.A.iry Queen, INC edges Tampa Ticklesh*ts, 27 to 20.5.  

Highlights:  A lot of marquee names in this one.  HENNE!  WEEDEN!  KEENUM!  It was like a summer blockbuster.  Some of the stars performed (Keenum–21.25 points), but others just mailed in their performance.  DQ was led by Mike Glennon and Tampa ended up getting sunk by Brandon Weeden, who apparently has a special connection with Josh Gordon.  Those yards are killer.

Doubleback Vineyards Extends Horse Face’s Slide, 24 to 8.75.  

Highlights:  Doubleback had 1st pick and went back and forth between Geno and Roger Clemens.  Actually made the wrong pick, but Clemens still came through with 27 points to lead the charge.  Avoiding penalty yards from Nick Poles, and Eli’s win against the Redskins allowed Doubleback to come out victorious.

Carlos Danger Fails in Upset Bid, Falls to Fake Chow, 6.75 to 4.75.  

Highlights:  Carlos Danger is playing spoiler and with the #2 pick had Fake Chow in all sorts of trouble with Geno Smith’s 37.75 points.  It was going to take a huge, negative effort from Russell Wilson on Monday night for Fake Chow to have any shot, and that’s exactly what happened.  The Seahawks cruised, mostly due to Wilson’s arm, and Fake Chow comes all the way back.  It’s the difference between 1st and 6th place.  Crazy.

***

Week 14 Draft Order:

  1. Carlos
  2. Horse Face
  3. Fake Chow
  4. HVTM
  5. DQ
  6. Tampa
  7. Eli
  8. Doubleback

***

Week 14 (LAST WEEK) Matchups:

  1. Fake Chow vs. Team Horse Face
  2. HVTM vs. Carlos Danger
  3. Eli Esses D vs. Tampa Ticklesh*ts
  4. D.A.iry Queen, INC vs. Doubleback Vineyards

2 thoughts on “2013 D.A. Fantasy Football — Week 14.

  1. I get the wilson isn’t a “bad” QB…but WHAT THE MUTHAEFFIN EFF was that?!?! I was looking for just a little “15/20, 150 yards, 0 tds 0 int” typical r-wils game. Since when do they not hand the ball to Beastmode all game? And since when does Wilson throw bombs?

  2. He killed you. If you had won it would have turned the standings into a total C-bang. Would have been a five-way at 7-6. Cozy.

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