2012 D.A. Fantasy Football — Week 7

Not So Fast, F*ckers.

We’ve got a developing situation in D.A. Fantasy football.  The bottom half of the league is channeling the Houston Astros.  The bad new is, the top seeds could have a boring 2nd half of the season as they wait for the playoffs.  The good news is, the 4th spot is completely wide open.  So, even for someone like me, who has a knack of picking QBs who throw for 378 yards, there is still life.  If modern professional sports has taught us anything it’s that you get yourself into the playoffs and see what happens.  Something I regularly ignore when picking my D.A. QB is the quality of his receivers.  Sure, the Bengals looked awful against the Browns, but there was the Crimson Commander piling up garbage stats with the help of the freakish A.J. Green (135 yds/2TDs).  This is my targeted area of improvement for the 2nd half.

3-PT D.A. of the Week:  Alex Smith

It makes me uncomfortable when players don’t stick to the plan.  Alex Smith spent the first part of his career as a bust.  Thanks to once-in-a-generation stiffs like Jamarcus Russell, Smith never hit elite bust status, but with Aaron Rodgers sitting there as a comparison there was no doubt Smith was a stiff.  My favorite part of the Smith story were his alleged small hands.  I found this hilarious.  But, out of the blue Smith salvaged his career with the 49ers.  There was a playoff run.  There was a noticeable lack of turnovers.  What the hell, Alex?  Know your role.  The guy who threw 1 TD against 11 picks as a rookie has gotten consistently better.  He turned himself into Super-Dilfer.  Then Sunday happened.  Oh, hello old friend, it’s been too long.  Smith was rattled.  That was the most comforting thing.  His poise disappeared.  The Giants roughed him up with 4 sacks and 3 INTs.  That’ll get you a D.A., even on a week when Kevin Kolb takes the rare safety.

3-PT D.A. of the Week:  Philip Rivers

Rivers had a great first half.  A good enough half that I was comfortable writing this post.  Plus, I don’t like Alex Smith one bit.  I am biased against him, so even after Phil’s classy fumble-6 I was going to hold my position.  Then came the third pick.  Then the pick-6.  Mercy.  Again, too quick on the draw.  35+ D.A. Points and all the highlights for Rivers.

D.A. Quick Summaries:

Kraft Nips Eli Esses D 23 to 21.  

Highlights:  One of two close battles this week.  Eli rode Alex Smith (and his D.A.) to 31 points, but the uncooperative Tanny-hill was too much of a detriment to get by “super-sub” Brady Quinn.  Quinn threw for 180 yards on 38 attempts, which against modern NFL coverage almost seems impossible.

Team Horse Face Slides By The Happy Valley Tickle Monsters (-2) to (-8.75)

Highlights:  The first of two ugly slogs.  The star of this show was Matt Hasselsack who led all comers with a meager 7 points.  The bigger surprise?  Mark Sanchez dropped a (-9) in a Jets blowout.  To his credit, this is the absolute worst a QB could have done in a game he wins by 4 TDs.

Fake Chow Knocks Shiva Cry from Ranks of Unbeaten with 22 to 17 Win.  

Highlights:  Kevin Kolb took a safety for Fake Chow and those 4 points made up much of the difference.  These two teams are now tied for 1st and their meeting in week 13 could decide the #1 seed.  Important to note that Bills/Giants fans BK took Eli Manning (5 points), perhaps using his D.A. cushion to help NY’s chances in San Francisco.

Neckbeards and Codeine Wins Stinker of the Year, (-17.25) to (-36.25) over Doubleback Vineyards

Highlights:  As usual, Doubleback Vineyards’s QBs combined for about 750 passing yards.  Yawn.  Josh Freeman’s best game since (2009?) helped end my modest two-week winning streak.  It was a must-win for Neckbeards who dodged a disaster by picking RG3.  Thank goodness rushing TDs don’t count.

D.A. Standings:

  1. The Shiva Cry, 5-1
  2. Fake Chow, 5-1
  3. Team Horse Face, 4-2
  4. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters, 2-4
  5. Eli Esses D, 2-4
  6. Kraft, 2-4
  7. Neckbeards and Codeine, 2-4
  8. Doubleback Vineyards, 2-4

*We’ll get yearly point totals posted next week to give everyone an idea of their tie-breaker position

Week 7 Draft Order:

  1. Kraft
  2. Will
  3. BK
  4. Gross
  5. Nichols
  6. DC
  7. JCK
  8. Brian

Week 7 Matchups:

  1. Fake Chow vs. Neckbeards and Codeine
  2. Eli Esses D vs. Doubleback Vineyards
  3. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters vs. The Shiva Cry
  4. Kraft vs. Team Horse Face

Commissioner’s D.A. Rankings:

  1. Kevin Kolb
  2. Russell Wilson
  3. Sam Bradford
  4. Blaine Gabbert
  5. Carson Palmer
  6. Matt Hasselbeck
  7. Andrew Luck
  8. Alex Smith
  9. Christian Ponder
  10. Cam Newton
  11. Mark Sanchez
  12. Joe Flacco
  13. Andy Dalton

One thought on “2012 D.A. Fantasy Football — Week 7

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