D.A. Fantasy Football — Week 6

Who are You Going to Throw a Pick to, Blaine?

I had a real moral dilemma on my hands this week.  I’m sure everyone saw what happened to Matt Cassel.  The Chef’s QB was pummeled, was down injured and the Kansas City faithful exploded into applause.  Everyone is making this out to be a big black eye for the Chiefs fans and a total disgrace, but you’ve got to recognize the mentality of fans.  In the moment, they can’t be trusted to act reasonably.  What they see is a change from the QB, and the team in general, that has been driving them crazy for years.  It’s a case of, “Hooray!  Something different.”  Once Brady Quinn gets a few snaps under his belt, the fans will be right back in Cassel’s corner.

The question is, does Cassel’s plight impact the D.A.?  Hell no.  Unfortunately for Cassel, there are no excuses in D.A.  I don’t care if your injury got cheered, I don’t care if your dog ran away the night before the game–D.A. is D.A.  Fortunately for Cassel there was plenty of bad quarterback play to go around this week and as is often the case, Blaine Gabbert surged to the head of the class.

3-PT D.A. of the Week:  Blaine Gabbert.  

Gabbert picks up two or three of these a year–at the minimum–so it’s no surprise to see him snag one as we round the quarter pole.  The issue with Gabbert becomes, do you get immune to his ineptitude?  I think it always help to get blown out in D.A.  You look at that score, 41-3, and you say, “My cuss.  Something must have happened.”  Gabbert happened.  The Bears should have been in a letdown situation on a short week, and they started slow.  But, Gabbert kick-started the Bears in the 2nd half with a pick-6 and they never looked back (38 unanswered points).  His 2nd pick-6?  That was just showing off.  It wasn’t all the big plays, though.  Gabbert completed his usual 50%, got nowhere near penalty yardage and lost a fumble for good measure.  His 37.7 QB rating proves the stat is flawed, his 45+ DA points just add to his legend.

D.A. Quick Summaries:

Eli Esses D Handles The Happy Valley Tickle Monsters, 40 to 6.75

Highlights: For Eli Esses D, the combination of Andy Dalton and Fitzy lost by a combined score of 62-16.  It’s no wonder that Big Dub cruised here.  For the tickle monsters, it was bi-polar Brandon Weeden putting up only 1.75 points that put them in a big hole from the jump.  The Browns QB has been disappointing in the turnover category–that’s not D.A.

Horse Face Edges into Playoff Position with 41.75 to 33 Win over Fake Chow

Highlights:  Fake Chow takes their first loss of the season in tough fashion.  Kevin Kolb got Horse Face off to a good start on Thursday and on Sunday, Fake Chow had a couple of bad breaks.  First, Matt Cassel went down before he was done accumulating points, but also Russel Wilson has proven to be oddly accurate despite his horrible overall performances.  Going 19/25 can negate a pick-6.

Doubleback Vineyards Continues Search For Respectability with 28 to (-1) Win over Kraft

Highlights:  This one came down to Monday Night.  What can you do for me, Sanchize?  I had to swallow Andrew Luck’s big day, and things were touch and go until Sanchize got ice cold and fired that 2nd pick.  Sanchez should probably get about -20 points for somehow covering, but that’s not in the rules.  Ryan Tannehill must be afraid of losing his wife, because he played inspired ball (a mere 3 points) and it cost Kraft a chance at a 2nd W.

The Shiva Cry Rolls On With 10 to 3.75 Win over Neckbeards and Codeine

Highlights:  This was a tale of two games for Neckbeards.  They caught Shiva Cry on a bit of an off week after Jay Cutler (-10 points) cut Sam Bradford’s Thursday effort in half.  With D.A winner Blaine Gabbert on the roster, things looked in the bag, but then Alex Smith happened.  For much of last year, Smith was a guy who wouldn’t kill you, even in a Niners win, but against the accommodating Bills–Smith looked like a young Steve Bono out there.  His (-42.25) points couldn’t be overcome.

D.A. Standings:

  1. The Shiva Cry, 5-0
  2. Fake Chow, 4-1
  3. Team Horse Face, 3-2
  4. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters, 2-3
  5. Eli Esses D, 2-3
  6. Doubleback Vineyards, 2-3
  7. Neckbeards and Codeine, 1-4
  8. Kraft, 1-4

Week Six Draft Order:

  1. Brian
  2. Kraft
  3. Will
  4. BK
  5. Gross
  6. Nichols
  7. DC
  8. JCK

Week Six Matchups:

  1. Eli Esses D vs. Kraft
  2. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters vs. Team Horse Face
  3. The Shiva Cry vs. Fake Chow
  4. Neckbeards and Codeine vs. Doubleback Vineyards

Commissioner’s D.A. Rankings:

  1. Cousins
  2. Kansas City
  3. Fitzy
  4. Tannehill
  5. Bradford
  6. Tennessee
  7. Dalton
  8. Weeden
  9. Palmer
  10. Jets
  11. Freeman
  12. Romo
  13. Wilson
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