2012 D.A. Fantasy Football — Week 5

D.A. For an Hour.

Hey, don’t look now, but I’m no longer defeated.  It’s true you can’t lose them all if you don’t lose the 1st three, but fate intervened and allowed me to save some face.  I’m not the San Diego Chargers.  I couldn’t have come back from 0-4.  We’ve got a real passing yard dilemma in the NFL right now.  When Ryan Tannehill is throwing for 400+, regardless of the circumstances, it makes you question your core beliefs.  Does any team out there run the ball?   There are still plenty of terrible QBs in the league, but the bad game looks a little different now.  The 23/40 for 313, 1TD and 2INT type game is becoming far too prominent for my taste.  Defensive coordinators–make your adjustments.  As far as D.A. drafters go?  We’ve got two teams trying to sneak away from the league.  What happened to the parity?

3-PT D.A. of the Week:  Tony Romo.

Just watch the highlights.  It’ll all be clear.  That’s a pentagon of picks.  Two returned for TDs.  We’re humbled to be in your time, Tony.

3-PT D.A. of the Week:  Matt Hasselbeck

Decent week.  Russel Wilson entered the house of pain known as the Edward Jones Dome and completed most of his passes.  Except three of them were to the Rams and they were all for no yardage.  Mark Sanchez is in the process of losing his job and the Jets SHOULD cancel their season, but you can’t throw 118 yards worth of pick-6s and be let off the hook.  This isn’t all Hasselbald’s fault.  He was summoned from a rousing game of Words with Friends to fill in for Jake Locker after two passes.  I believe he was still in his slippers.  But, still, two pick-6s is kind of like 500 HRs and the HOF.  It’s no longer 100% guaranteed, but it’s a damn good place to start.  The Texans just feast on QBs, it’s troubling.  Hasselbeck was all right otherwise, but when you lose by three TDs and caused two of them directly?  Ding, Ding Ding!  The effort would have been worth a mere 21 D.A. points, but this sometimes the stats lie.

D.A. Quick Summaries:

Fake Chow Stays Unbeaten with Win Over Eli Esses D.  

Highlight:  Big Dub insists on taking RG3.  It still isn’t working.  For Fake Chow, the road to 4-0 was paved with Sam Bradford’s very DA-like win over the Seahawks.  It’s nice to see an NFL game where both QBs do everything in their power to lose.  Refreshing.  Bradford’s smooth 20-spot gives him 63 points the last two weeks.

Shiva Cry Keeps Pace with 51.75 to (-23.5) Thrashing of Team Horse Face.  

Highlight:  The Shiva Cry is 4-0, and far and away has the most points in the league.  In fact, they’re already 2/3 of the way to their entire 2011 total.  This week it was business as usual with Matt Cassel throwing up 31.75 points in the game that saved the Chargers’ season.  Team Horse Face went the aggressive route with Peyton Manning.  Bit of a backfire there.

Kraft Gets on the Board with 36-31.5 Win over Neckbeards and Codeine

Highlight:  We had a real oddity here with Jake Locker getting a perfect 25 bonus yardage points in his 0/2, 0yd performance against the Texans, but it wasn’t quite enough for Neckbeards.  After sitting out week one, Kraft is moving in the right direction, thanks to the Sanchize.  It’s not just that Sanchez can put up 35, it’s the effortless manner in which he does it that makes it so impressive.  I hope Tebow stays on the bench for a while.

Doubleback Vineyards Finally Gets a Win, 28 to (-20.75) over Happy Valley Tickle Monsters.  

Highlight:  I would say that since JCK was my college roommate and is a man of great charity, that he threw this game to allow me to avoid the shame of starting 0-4, but when you draft Ryan Tannehill you expect Ws, not 412 yards.  That massive performance was enough to cripple HVTM and allowed me to slip by with Russel Wilson’s 3 INT effort.

D.A. Standings:

  1. The Shiva Cry, 4-0
  2. Fake Chow, 4-0
  3. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters, 2-0
  4. Team Horse Face, 2-2
  5. Neckbeards and Codeine, 1-3
  6. Eli Esses D, 1-3
  7. Kraft, 1-3
  8. Doubleback Vineyards, 1-3


Week Five Draft Order:

  1. JCK
  2. Brian
  3. Kraft
  4. Will
  5. BK
  6. Gross
  7. Nichols
  8. DC

Week 5 Matchups:  

  1. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters vs. Eli Esses D.
  2. Team Horse Face vs. Fake Chow
  3. Kraft vs. Doubleback Vineyards
  4. The Shiva Cry vs. Neckbeards and Co

Commissioner’s D.A. Rankings:

  1. Jets
  2. Gabbert
  3. Cassel
  4. Tennessee
  5. Weeden
  6. Fitzy
  7. Tannehill
  8. Kolb
  9. Bradford
  10. Luck
  11. Wilson

6 thoughts on “2012 D.A. Fantasy Football — Week 5

  1. Oh Romo, this is what I get for trying to get to sleep before 1 am on a Monday.

    We’ll call it first in wins. If he chucks a third, we’ll call an editor.

  2. Is rock bottom losing your starting job to Tim Tebow? Where does Sanchize go if that happens? And how delirious is Rex Ryan saying Marky Mark still has the confidence of his teammates???? you can see them quit the minute they get behind by two scores.

  3. What a house of cards the Jets were. First sign of trouble with that defense and they’re suddenly one of the worst teams in the league. Real shame.

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