You all know they retire numbers of great players, but what if teams went the other direction? What if they had cursed numbers? The number 3 was a great success for the Yankees. Maybe they should trot it back out there. Who knows what could happen? But for the Browns? No, I’m pretty comfortable saying the #3 has forever been poisoned in Cleveland. Sometime between when D.A. wore that number for the AFC in the Pro Bowl and the present day the tide of karma shifted.
Enter fresh-faced Brandon Weeden who has any number of things going against him. He’s not a physical specimen, he’s old as dirt, he played baseball–did he really need to put the #3 on his back? Hell no. And, you saw what happened. Weeden was historically awful in D.A. terms. He went 13-36. Are you kidding me? He threw three interceptions. His QB rating was 5.1. How was it not zero? I have no idea. Weeden announces his presence with authority in week one and the Browns go back to scouting college QBs.
Week 1 Quick Summaries:
The Shiva Cry Walks Over Kraft, 94 to XX.
Highlight: BK’s greatest D.A. week comes in a forfeit–not that it would have mattered. Weeden puts up 65 points in his debut, one of the best weeks in D.A. history.
Neckbeards and Codeine Clips Defending Champs, Eli Esses D, 15.5 to 14.25
Highlight: Big Dub went all rookies with RG3 and Luck. Luck complied, RG3 did not. Has Griffin taken himself out of the D.A. discussion for good?
Team Horse Face beats Doubleback Vineyards, 38-27.
Highlight: When Christian Ponder fell to me at #15 I was so happy. Giddy even. Guess I should have stayed commissioner. The inaccurate and over-hyped Russell Wilson helped do me in–no problem.
Fake Chow Wins Pitcher’s Duel over Happy Valley Tickle Monsters, 7-(21)
Highlight: John “Helter” Skelton was lost to an injury, but still surpassed 20 points. Who’s the backup in Arizona now? It has to be only a matter of time before he sees the field. Should get very interesting.
- Shiva Cry: 1-0
- Neckbeards and Codeine: 1-0
- Team Horse Face: 1-0
- Fake Chow: 1-0
- Happy Valley Tickle Monsters: 0-1
- Eli Esses D: 0-1
- Doubleback Vineyards: 0-1
- Kraft: 0-1
Week Two Draft Order:
Week Two Games:
- Eli Esses D. vs. Team Horse Face
- Fake Chow vs. Kraft
- Neckbeards and Codeine vs. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters
- Doubleback Vineyards vs. Shiva Cry
Commissioner’s DA Rankings: