Sometime Tuesday Self-Esteem Check

No, It Looked Like 7 ON 7.

No, It Looked Like 7 ON 7.

Aside from an odd number of safeties, and the ineptitude of a few offenses, the NFL put defense on the shelf saw a scoring explosion during its opening week.  The one week record for TD passes was set–63.  The old record was 58.  Doesn’t seem like a record you’d break by 5 TDs.  But, it happened.  Essentially, what that means is that we’re on pace for 31 TD passes to be an average year. Probably not sustainable, but I do think there is a chance we’re going to experience an era of unprecedented stat inflation on offense.  Like the steroid era in baseball, only without the black cloud–for now.  Thirty-five TDs could get you a yawn this year and an option to fill in at the Pro Bowl after six guys fake injuries.  Is the Pro Bowl cancelled?  I don’t know.

Before the important numbers, here’s a few things I noticed from week one, aside from the crazy scoring.

1.  RG3 does not have the Adrian Peterson “baby knee.”  RG3 is going to need the full year (at least) to come back from his knee injury and for the first 2.5 quarters on Monday night it didn’t even look like he should be on the field.  He can still move, but it’s nothing like what we saw at the start of 2012.  It’s bothering him throwing the ball too.  The Redskins are in big trouble.

2.  The Eagles were exciting.  The first half barrage was aided by Washington averaging about 1.5 plays per possession and I’d still be awfully nervous about that defense, but I’ve heard a lot of football people come away enamored with what the Eagles did on Monday.

3.  The Steelers, the team of Franco Harris, The Bus, “Fast” Willie Parker, Barry Foster (?)–might have the worst running attack I’ve ever seen.  The Giants have a good back who fumbles every play, but the Steelers look like they might average two yards a carry for the whole season.  Like the Redskins, the Steelers are in big trouble.

4.  Brandon Weeden went 26/53.  That’s just awesome.  Trent Richardson?  13 carries.

5.  Terrelle Pryor, Geno Smith, and EJ Manuel (3 QBs pegged for terrible performances) all were at least OK in week one.  Geno Smith even got a win.  Somehow.  Tampa Bay should have been relocated to London just for losing that game.  You want to play over there every year?  How about every week?


NFL Pick ‘Em Standings:

  1. Big Dub, 4-1
  2. Grossy, 3-2
  3. Kraft, 2-2-1
  4. DC, 1-3-1
  5. JCK, 1-4
  6. Nichols, 0-5

The “Read Option” Pick of the Week:  Big Dub “Titans Outright.”

I also had the Titans, but I don’t like to pick outright winners when a simple cover will do.  Plus, I still feel the Titans can lose any game they play.  Without much problem.  But, on week one they totally out-classed the Steelers, immediately establishing Pittsburgh as an AFC bottom-feeder.  Big Dub was all over this one, from Pittsburgh’s lack of a RB, to their terrible offensive line (now further decimated).  The Steelers play the Bengals next week, could be the biggest line in favor of Cincy in this matchup since the Boomer Esiason days.

The “You Can’t Challenge Kraft’s 33% Year if you Don’t Go 0-5” Awful Pick of the Week:  Nichols, Collective.

Tough start right out of the gate for some of the boys.  Everyone will take their knocks, but it hurts when it is this early.  It’s like starting the season 1 for 10.  That .100 on the video board can make you wince.  Nichols was on the wrong side of a couple close ones, missed a nice upset pick and had the Bucs like everyone else.  It adds up to a tough week.  But, he’s only two wins off the medal podium.  And, don’t feel too bad for him, he had a monster D.A. week.


D.A. Fantasy Football Standings:

  1. Fake Chow, 1-0
  2. Carlos Danger, 1-0
  3. Team Horse Face, 1-0
  4. Doubleback Vineyards, 1-0
  5. Tampa Ticklesh*ts, 0-1
  6. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters, 0-1
  7. D.A.iry Queen, 0-1
  8. Eli Esses D, 0-1

3-PT D.A. of the Week:  BLAINE GABBERT

Check out the D.A. Page for the quick summaries and a look at Blaine Gabbert’s epic performance.


The Definitive, Yet Arbitrary Top-10:

  1. Denver, 1-0.
  2. San Francisco, 1-0.
  3. Atlanta, 0-1.
  4. Seattle, 1-0.
  5. Chicago, 1-0.
  6. New Orleans, 1-0
  7. New England, 1-0
  8. Houston, 1-0
  9. Green Bay, 0-1
  10. Indianapolis, 1-0


5 thoughts on “Sometime Tuesday Self-Esteem Check

  1. The Hilton Super Contest has 1,034 contestants. Only 3 people went 5-0. 5 people went 4-0-1 and 33 people went 4-1. Hopefully people consider those percentages when they fill out their parlay card.

    • now, over 50 people went 0-5? Is that just people not submitting picks? It doesn’t seem possible, right? Shouldn’t 0-5 be almost as hard as 5-0?

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