Week 14 NFL Picks.

Bold Bottle Shape, Bold Winners.

Bold Bottle Shape, Bold Winners.

For those who are missing the mail bag.  By the way, feel free to send in any questions…

Q: I have a friend who likes to seek out people on the phone while driving.  If he can catch someone looking at their phone he will LAY on his horn in attempt to “scare them straight.”  This is how he puts it, thoughts on the merit of this wildly dangerous (?) behavior?  

A: I see people on their phones driving all the time and I think to myself, “look at this reckless sumbitch right here–eyes on the road–butt steak.”  Then approximately four lights later someone will honk at me because I am stopped at a green light looking at my phone.  This doesn’t happen often–I PROMISE, but it does happen.  I try to keep my eyes on the road when I am actually moving and in the last few months as my phone’s health has deteriorated, I don’t think I’ve done anything dangerous.  That’s valuable charging time that I can’t waste.  Anyway, I like your buddy’s SPIRIT and his desire to make the world a safer place, but there could be a few issues with this exact practice that I will admit is  funny, if a BIT cavalier.  First, how safe is driving while ACTIVELY looking for texters and distracted drivers? While this kid is LAYING on the horn, the guy in front could be stopping short for a turtle.  Second, you don’t want to scare the other driver to the point they get into an accident anyway.  They hear horn, PANIC, and next thing you know they’re veering into traffic or putting their Volkswagen in a ditch.  You know people just shut down in their cars.  The old, “I thought the gas was the brake,” story.  OK, but didn’t you realize right away it wasn’t?  Anyway, That seems a bit counterproductive.  I’m just going to try to do better myself and hopefully steer clear of your acquaintance–the vigilante.  

Week 14 Beer:  Red Hook Long Hammer IPA

Red Hook ESB was one of the first micro  craft brews that I saw available at Philadelphia sporting events.  Maybe I just happened to become legal at this time, but I don’t remember seeing a lot of options other than the holy trinity of American Light Beer and Bud Heavy before ~2000.  Red Hook ESB sounded pretty exotic.  All the way from Washington to the shores of the Delaware.  A friend of mine filled me in one time one what ESB stood for: Extra Special Bitter.  I had no idea what that meant, but I savored the knowledge and dropped it one time on strangers at a Phillies game who were just slightly more clueless than I was.  “It stands for Extra Special Bitter,” I said, and then I leaned back in my narrow seat a bit too proud of myself.  This is as close as I ever got to true beer snobbery.

Anyway, Red Hook ESB is a decent beer, but I like the Long Hammer IPA a bit more.  It’s very, very drinkable.  Smooth and easy.  Not quite as hoppy as I’d like if I was searching for a signature IPA, but it really borders on refreshing.  No joke.  A summer IPA?  Is there such a thing? I just invented it–spread the word.

Am I sorry I didn’t get Sierra:  No.  As the season dies down I went for a variety six-pack, so I only got two Red Hook’s, but I’ll happily drink the other.  This beer is firmly middle of the pack for this season.

Top Ten Beers So Far:

  1. The Alchemist, Heady Topper
  2. Southern Tier 2X IPA
  3. Smuttynose, “Finestkind” IPA
  4. Bear Republic Racer 5 IPA
  5. Shed IPA
  6. Bell’s Midwestern Pale Ale
  7. Red Hook, Longhammer IPA
  8. Casco Bay IPA
  9. Anderson Valley Hop Ottin’ IPA
  10. Evil Genius Eye PA


Grossy: 34-27-4

Kansas City (-2.5) over Washington.  Looks WAY too easy.  Don’t care.  The Redskins can’t protect RG3 and that should be enough for KC to bounce back and stop their skid.  Also, in case you haven’t noticed, the Redskins are the worst team in a very bad division and MIGHT have given up on the season.  It’s possible.  I see people taking Washington here on a “line telling them” type thing and realizing that not one single Redskin cares if they win again this year.  Zero effort.

New Orleans (-3.5) over Carolina.  Carolina’s win streak has featured a few lucky breaks.  I was an idiot to take New Orleans last week, but I think at home they can bounce back in proper fashion.  The Panthers are good on defense, but not “Seattle” good.  There’s no Cortez Kennedy out there.  Anyway, Cam has one of those sketchy Cam games and the Saints win by a TD or so…

Tampa Bay (-2.5) over Buffalo.  This whole Mike Glennon thing is blowing my mind.  It’s like what would a less athletic Nick Foles be like?  STUD.  Apparently.  The Bucs are still probably a bit better than their record and as Buffalo proved last week in blowing the game to Atlanta–the Bills still be the Bills.  Schiano saves his job–until the off-season hazing scandal.

Megatron (+3) over Philadelphia.  This one’s for you, Eagles’ fans.  I just hope everyone out there knows that Megatron is gosh darn golden god.  Can I use an Almost Famous reference with Megatron? Just did.  Really, I want every fantasy expert alive to keep saying that WRs are overrated.  That way, every dipsh*t who can read will keep on taking Matt Forte, Trent Richardson, Ray Rice and whoever else first so Mega lands softly to me in the 6-8 range every year?  Oh, 1,800 receiving yards and no bad games?  Sure, thanks.

Seattle (+3) over San Francisco.  The Seahawks lost in SF last year, but this is a different team for the Niners.  They don’t seem as good, or maybe they aren’t catching teams by surprise.  It’s a huge revenge spot, but I’m not sure revenge makes up for 4 TDs.  It’s the Seahawks Super Bowl wagon, sickening, yet inevitable.


JCK, 29-34-1

  1. Kansas City (-2.5) over Washington
  2. Oakland (+3) over New York Jets
  3. Pittsburgh (-3) over Miami
  4. Denver (-12) over Tennessee
  5. Seattle (+3) over San Francisco


Big Dub, 34-26-3

  1. Baltimore (-6.5) over Minnesota
  2. Cincinnati (-6) over Indianapolis
  3. Detroit (+3) over Philadelphia
  4. San Francisco (-3) over Seattle
  5. Kansas City (-2.5) over Washington


Kraft, 37-26-2

  1. Baltimore (-6.5) over Minnesota
  2. Miami (+3) over Pittsburgh
  3. Dallas (+1) over Chicago
  4. San Diego (-3) over New York Giants
  5. New Orleans (-3.5) over North Carolina


Nichols, 31-32-2

  1. Baltimore (-6.5) over Minnesota
  2. Cleveland (+11.5) over New England
  3. Detroit (+3) over Philadelphia
  4. Denver (-12) over Tennessee
  5. Seattle (+3) over San Francisco


DC, 31-30-4

New Orleans (-3.5) over Carolina.  OK, so it’s true that New Orleans got blown out last week and that Carolina is better than Tampa Bay.  What does that mean for this game?  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  Carolina gets its doors blown off, big time.  NO 34-16.

Seattle (+3) over San Francisco.  Wrong team is favored.  I don’t know if anyone else actually watched the San Francisco-St. Louis game last week, but it was horrible.  A billion penalties-all on St. Louis.

Kansas City (-2.5) over Washington.    I don’t get this line.  I think I’m supposed to bet Washington on this line, but, come on.  I have no doubt that Kansas City will fold a little down the stretch and get blown out in the first round of the playoffs.  I CANNOT WAIT TO “BET” AGAINST THE CHIEFS IN THE PLAYOFFS.  But what, we’re afraid to play the Football Senators on the road now?  Get real.

New England (-11.5) over Cleveland.  Can’t put the line high enough.  Alex Tanney will be in there by the 2nd quarter. I don’t have five games yet? Dammit…

Baltimore (-6.5) over Minnesota.  A big Baltimore line.  Let’s roll with it.


5 thoughts on “Week 14 NFL Picks.

  1. We’re approaching the great time of the NFL season where you get to find and pick the teams who have quit on their coach & season….I wish I had KC today. How does that ESPN miniseries RG3 refuse to lose or whatever it was called look now? Indy is getting pretty damn close as well. They are incredibly lucky to play in that landfill that is the AFC south. The 4 QBs in that division right now are: Luck, Fitzy, Henne/Gabbert, case Keenum. Say what you want about the NFC east, but the QB roster is light yrs ahead of that toxic waste dump

  2. Yeah, I definitely heard some people on Washington, the whole line too low thing, but that was a total mail-in job of the first order.

    with the eagles playing better, the NFC is probably middle of the pack. the great thing about the NFL is, there is always someone doing it worse. Think the Jags are bad? They’ve got 4 wins! model franchise compared to Houston right now.

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