Week 15 NFL Picks

In the Original "Medicine" Flavor.

In the Original “Medicine” Flavor.

Q: What do you make of people who prop up their windshield wipers the night before it is supposed to snow/ice?  

A:  I think this might be one of those things that spread slowly and no one knew why they were doing it–is that possible?  You see your neighbor do this and you think, there must be SOME reason for it, and so the next time they call for a dusting you give it a try and it goes from there.  I don’t know the point of doing this, really.  I guess it’s to make snow removal easier, but how hard is it to clear the windshield?  When it comes to the scraper you either are putting in work, or your aren’t.  It’s going to quick, or it’s going to take a while.  It’s not like you turn over your engine and your car shakes the snow off like a wet dog.  So, maybe while you are clearing the rest of your car, you pump your defroster full blast and the windshield is no worries.  Anyway, the only two practical reasons for windshield wiper arousal in my mind: First, if you live in a college town this provides a target for drunken goons and they will rip your wiper off, possibly passing over your side view mirror (a much costlier fix).  Second, if it’s going to snow two feet and you often forget where you park, you can look for the drift with the two dipsh*t wipers sticking out of it–CAR FOUND.  That’s all I’ve got.  Stop seeking out such minor victories in life and keep your wipers flat, like nature intended.  

***

Week 15 Beer:  Nyquil.

I’m a bit under the weather.  I haven’t had a beer all week.  A real shame.  Real cold bug going around.  When I’m not sick I like to make wild claims about never getting sick, but it usually happens at least once a year.  Soldier on, but without alcohol.  I haven’t had any Nyquil either, but I did know a kid in high school who would chug Nyquil to get drunk.  I think I’ve told that story before.  Anyway, maybe they should make cough medicine that tastes like beer?  Of course, medicinal flavors always miss by a mile.  I have memories of “bubble gum” floride at the dentist’s office that would make a scavenging dog hurl, and I honestly can’t believe the flavor cherry hasn’t sued Nyquil among other companies for brand defamation.  Back to the rankings next week.  How about some cool, sleek, winners?

***

Big Dub: Record, 36-29-3

  1. Cleveland (+1) over Chicago
  2. Dallas (-7) over Green Bay
  3. Miami (+1) over New England
  4. Seattle (-7) over New York Giants
  5. St. Louis (+6) over New Orleans

***

Grossy, 38-28-4

Washington (+7) over Atlanta.  This could be the worst game ever played.  It has that potential.  I spoke just days ago about the Redskins giving up on the season, but now that Kirk Cousins has been put into the lineup, I feel like they are going to be injected with a dead cat bounce.  Plus, what this situation needs is MORE controversy.  How about a great game from Cousin Kirk against another team that has given up?  Feels right.  Outright win for the ‘Skins.

Jacksonville (+2) over Buffalo.  Could the slate be any worse this week?  It’s a minefield of suck.  Here’s a comical line. The Jags have FOUR wins.  Most of them coming recently.  That’s relatively good for this matchup. EJ Manuel is trying to finish out the year worse than Charlie Manuel.  Another absolute layup, outright dog winner here.

New England (-1) over Miami.  Pats, and Tom, notoriously bad in Miami.  No Gronk.  Feels like I should be leaning toward my third straight outright dog, but sometimes the dumb money is right and this is the case here.  Shane Vereen may have 23 catches in this game.  Watch it happen.  The Pats have had some strange endings this year, I’ll take another one here if they can win by a FG.

Detroit (-6) over Baltimore.  Seems like a bit of a Detroit line.  You rarely see them favored by more than a FG against any team with name recognition.  The Ravens had their hands full with the Vikings last week and their DB (who apparently isn’t related to the kicker) is mouthing off about Megatron.  Great idea.  If Belichick was coaching the Lions, he’d throw 11 TDs on this mutt’s head to make a point, hopefully Schwartz can draw up a few in the dirt.

Minnesota (+5) over Philadelphia.  Special request from Eagles fans far and wide.  Keep picking against the Birds. This is a letdown/trap spot for the Eagles.  Are they impervious to such perils?  Does it have something to do with the smoothies?  It doesn’t matter if AP plays or not, this is a total one of those weird NFL things.  Also, I’m so demented, I kind of want the last game against Dallas to mean everything.

 ***

Kraft, 40-28-2

  1. Indianapolis (-5.5) over Houston
  2. Jacksonville (+2) over Buffalo
  3. Kansas City (-4.5) over Oakland
  4. Baltimore (+6) over Detroit
  5. New England (-1) over Miami

***

DC, 34-32-4

  1. Kansas City (-4.5) over Oakland
  2. New Orleans (-6) over St. Louis
  3. Indianapolis (-5.5) 0ver Houston
  4. Miami (+1) over New England
  5. New York Jets (+11) over Carolina

***

Nichols, 34-34-2

  1. New Orleans (-6) over St. Louis
  2. Cleveland (+1) over Chicago
  3. Indianapolis (-5.5) over Houston
  4. Jacksonville (+2) over Buffalo
  5. Baltimore (+6) over Detroit

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7 thoughts on “Week 15 NFL Picks

  1. The patented eagles Monster letdown game. They should trademark it. Reminiscent of the raiders game a few years ago or even the Vikings 2 years ago with Joe Webb at QB. No AD, no problem. We’ll surrender 4 dozen to Matt ‘sand’ Cassel.
    But, it’s worse to be a cowboy fan. What a horrific loss at home. Antonio Romo with his trademarked 4th qtr backbreaking INT. Coach Jones back to the drawing board. His defense gives up 5 2nd half TDs to a Matt Flynn led offense. This Xmas season, the city of Philly appreciates you Coach Jones.

  2. And nothing makes me happier than to see just about everyone on 3Putt picking the Jax Jaguars. I’ll print out this weeks picks and frame it for my office

  3. The Jags were chalk this week–I’m telling you.

    Equally ludicrous note: I picked up Todman in fantasy–but didn’t play him. Get me some season tickets!

  4. Windshield wiper putter-upper here.

    The reason I started doing it is because I am a very impatient ice scraper, and on more than one occasion I have ripped the rubber from the wipers trying to loosen them when frozen to the windshield. So I am just as much protecting them from myself as I am from the ice.

    But I do always half-expect some idiot college kid to take that as an invitation to do something infuriating to my car.

  5. It’s a delicate balance with those college kids. I’ve heard from a few in your camp. My stance may have been a bit harsh for effect, but I suppose this isn’t a concern of yours in present environs.

  6. you wrote:
    can’t believe the flavor cherry hasn’t sued Nyquil among other companies for brand defamation

    SHUT UP and STOP IT. loved it.

    sorry i have been behind on reading, and also writing any original comments.

    tough times in Q-ville. i too-much-work-dumb.

    keep on it 3-Putt.

    Q

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