The NFL is like a lit bottle rocket right now. It could end up anywhere and it wouldn’t surprise me. Oh, the commissioner’s press conference is going to get interrupted by a screaming Benjy Bronk from the Howard Stern show? I’ll allow it. I wondered last week if anything could truly tarnish the league from a success standpoint, PR black eyes create a lot of noise for the NFL, but it doesn’t appear that they ever impact the bottom line. Over the last few weeks that theory is being tested, but that’s why you have a strong commissioner in place to stand in front of the media and capably face the fire. Oh, that isn’t what happened? Goodell should resign based solely on the distraction he’s causing at this point. Can we just go back to watching the damn games?
Speaking of which, here are some solid locks for week three. If you don’t have your trends nailed by week three, you’re in for a long year. Let’s see what we’ve got….
- Miami (-4) over K.C. Bury K.C.
- Buffalo (-2.5) over San Diego. Don’t bet against cancer stories.
- Carolina (-3) over Pittsburgh. It’s about time for a Mike Tomlin blow up that could creep into the all-time coach presser Pantheon.
- Denver (+5) over Seattle.
- Green Bay (+2.5) over Detroit. The only time GB has lost in Detroit is when Rodgers was out.
Buffalo (-2.5) over San Diego. The Chargers are coming off a monster win. They’re traveling east for a 1pm game, you know all about that drill. The Bills play pretty solid defense? Is this a thing people are starting to agree on? More importantly, I snagged Sammy Watkins off waivers in my fantasy league and I’m ready to fully commit to a season long romance. Sammy, are you on Tindr? I have so many rookie WRs it’s troubling and a bit sad.
Houston (-2) over New York Giants. This is kind of like the game last week, right? Road team coming in as half-hearted favorites, because the Giants can’t be THAT bad? You can’t start making teams like Houston and Arizona definitive road favorites in NY can you? I think we’ll be there after Sunday. Eli should really just blow his ankle out, take the year off and head to Denver to be Peyton’s backup until the neck gives out for good. That seems more likely than the Giants putting together a decent offensive line in our lifetime.
Indianapolis (-7) over Jacksonville. Congrats to Tampa Bay for blowing the basement out of the NFL power rankings on Thursday night. You think you’ve seen the worst NFL football you can imagine and then the Falcons go up 56-0. I’m sorry, did Florida State just take the field against Franklin & Marhsall? 56-0? I thought this was professional sports. ANYWAY, my point is, the Jags are almost that bad. Forget the first half against the Eagles. They’ve got Gerhardt averaging 1.6 a carry and a defense that gives up about 40 per. Here’s a game Indy does really have to win. Should be a blowout.
Carolina (-3) over Pittsburgh. Still don’t think the Panthers pre-season hate has fully dissipated. Maybe they won’t win as many games as last year, but they’re off to a nice start and they’re certainly better than Pittsburgh. BY A MARGIN. The Steelers are going to do nothing offensively in this game. Just go ahead and put Le’veon Bell on your bench. Clear out a spot for him. It’ll save you the 11 for 29 nightmare.
Chicago (+3) over NY Jets. I’m hearing that Geno Smith is looking improved. Now is that compared to himself, or a functional NFL QB? Aaron Rodgers did whatever he wanted against the Jets last week, and while Mr. Cavallari is not quite in Rodgers’ league, he’s got more than enough weapons to light up the Jets secondary. Would you feel comfortable laying points with the Jets? I didn’t think so. Rob and Rex Ryan might both end up in the FXFL next season.
- Houston (-2) over NYG
- New Orleans (-10) over Minnesota
- Green Bay (+2.5) over Detroit
- Indianapolis (-7) over Jacksonville
- Denver (+5) over Seattle