Carve My Ass.

Ok, Ok, We Get It.

Ok, Ok, We Get It.

I’m down on pumpkin art.  It’s just too much.  Great, you can draw.  You have a sharp knife and an inordinate amount of time on your hands.  I’m tired of seeing the kids, and the ham-fisted butter knife wielders getting shown up.  About a week or two ago a couple of Jack-O-Lanterns popped up on the porch of my building.  They were clearly junior efforts, complete with a miscut eye-hole.  The works, really.  But, to me, that’s the Halloween spirit.  The pumpkins are now starting to rot and it’d be sweet if the person would chuck them, but FOR NOW, that’s besides the point.  So a little while later another pumpkin pops up and it’s one of these elaborate sons of bitches and I’d wager decent money an adult did it–possibly even a hipster.  And, I got to thinking, what does does Johnny Triangle Nose think about his Jack-o-Lantern now?  Kid’s probably got enough problems, doesn’t need pumpkin inferiority complex.  So, the point is, to all you artists out there, relax with the pumpkins.  Go do caricatures in the park or something.

I might put these standings on a pumpkin….

NFL Pick ‘EM Standings:

  1. Nichols, 19-10-1
  2. Big Dub, 17-13
  3. Grossy, 16-14
  4. DC, 16-14
  5. Kraft, 16-18-1

The “(Poorly) Carved Pumpkin” Pick of the Week: DC, St. Louis +7.

Outright Rams winner.  The Rams played this game like a kid with his hand hovering over the reset button.  If this doesn’t work?  OH WELL.  We’re the Rams.  Two straight losses for Seattle, who clearly isn’t the team they were last year.  They’ll still be a tough out, but the NFL is tough on its good teams.  Players flee for more money, everyone has to worry about their contract, so me-first culture has to be tough to overcome–especially once you’ve won one.  I’ve got a ring, now I want to get paid.  Has to be some of that going on with Seattle, and this is the biggest Rams win since–anyone?

The “I Roasted the Pumpkin Seeds!” Awful Pick of the Week:  Grossy, Houston +3.5

The Monday night streak ends.  I really thought I was a week or two away from being one of those guys you hear on the radio.  Monday Night GUARANTEED on a recorded message.  Winning side AND the total.  Lose and the rest of the year is free.  So, that’s a year’s worth of horsebleep picks for nothing.  I think at this point you just stay away from the Steelers.  Who knows what they’re going to do.


3PT D.A. of the Week:  Brian “Steny” Hoyer.  

There were some grand efforts this week.  The Red Rifle threw for 130 yards on 38 attempts.  Blake Bortles was mostly terrible in the Jags win (still waiting for 5 INTs), and Kurt Cousins was ousted by Colt McCoy–yep still in the league. But, Hoyer really did something on Sunday, and it wasn’t just getting us closer to the D.A. Dream of Johnny Football.  Hoyer took a team on a roll, went on the road against a winless dumpster fire and possibly derailed a whole season.  Things are tenuous for the Browns.  Not sure they have a lot of “bounce back,” yet.  So, it’s pretty difficult to swallow when your Dilfer goes out and drops a 16/41.  16 of 41!  The rest of the stats don’t matter.


The Definitive, Yet Arbitrary, Top 10:

  1. Denver, 5-1.  Rolling to 600 TDs.
  2. Dallas, 6-1.  No letdown against suddenly terrible again G-Men.
  3. Philadelphia, 5-1.  Bye-Week Boost.
  4. Arizona, 5-1.  Bye-Week Boost part II.
  5. Indianapolis, 5-2.  Five straight for Mongo.
  6. Green Bay, 5-2.  Absolutely dismantled Carolina.
  7. Baltimore, 5-2.  With Great Reluctance.
  8. New England, 5-2.  It’s OK to play Tom in fantasy again.
  9. San Diego, 5-2.  Hiccup.
  10. Detroit, 5-2.  With Greater Reluctance.

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