Roll Sized Results.

Your Average Kaiser Will Block Out the Sun.

Your Average Kaiser Will Block Out the Sun.

So, when did we lose control of the size of a Kaiser roll?  I was in the standard “want a cheeseburger/don’t want 8 buns” dilemma the other day and my usual go-to, the sandwich size English Muffin was not available.  I hemmed.  I hawed.  I decided, against my better judgement to go with the Kaiser.  These rolls are ubiquitous, and yet I’m not sure of their primary use.  I suppose in a pulled pork, crock pot full of hot roast beef scenario, or any instance where you can make a pile of meat–the Kaiser does well.  It can contain juices, but its sheer size makes it a difficult play in many meals.  I don’t make small portions.  When I make a cheeseburger, no one is going to confuse that sumbitch for a slider.  I knew I had to go even bigger too, because of the kaiser–and I didn’t even get close.  Did the roll get bigger after I sliced it in half?  My lord.  When I put the burger down it looked like a quarter sitting on a dinner plate.  Pretty frustrating.  Also frustrating? The Eagles blowing that easy cover…

NFL Pick ‘EM Standings:  

  1. Nichols, 20-14-1
  2. Big Dub, 20-15
  3. Grossy, 19-16
  4. DC, 16-14
  5. Kraft, 17-22-1

***

The “No Candy Corn,” Pick of the Week:  Big Dub, Carolina +5

Is it becoming trendy to pick against Seattle?  Personally, I assumed Seattle would rebound in what was essentially a must-win against the Panthers.  That they pulled the game out, makes the result a bit more frustrating.  They probably deserved to lose.  Thirteen points?  What happened to this offense?  I don’t think Percy Harvin was THE problem.  He might have been a problem, but now it looks like Marshawn Lynch is on the way out and Pete Carroll is probably angling to get back to college.  Sorry, 12th Man.  It’s already over.

The “Nate Allen,” Awful Pick of the Week:  Nichols, Indianapolis -3

What happened in this game?  Did the Colts borrow 11 guys from the Big-12 to play defense?  Was that Texas Tech out there?  I don’t want to take anything away from Big Ben, ok I do, but he didn’t really strike me as a guy who was going to go out and slang it for half a grand at this point in his career.  Was this game exciting to watch because there was 90 points, or just a sloppy embarrassment?  Hard to say.  At least I had the Colts as my fantasy defense….

***

The 3PT D.A. of the Week:  GENO SMITH!

Wow.  If you’ve ever seen A River Runs Through It, the definitive movie on early 20th century fly fishing, there are a few scenes of sentimental Robert Redford narration.  In one, Norman McLean talks about how is brother Paul’s fishing technique has evolved.  He says, “and in the time I was away I realized my brother had become an artist.”  I say this, because if you had seen Geno Smith play football for a while, what a revelation Sunday must have been.  You can watch a highlight package of his start in about 30 seconds.  There were only 8 throws.  Two of them were complete.  THREE were intercepted.  He moved the Jets 5 yards with those throws.  His quarterback rating….wait for it….was ZERO.  If we were playing D.A. we’d have to recalibrate the points system, because this was about a 55 point D.A. effort and it should have been at least 100.

***

The Definitive, Yet Arbitrary, Top-10:

  1. Denver, 6-1. Regular Season Kings.
  2. Arizona, 6-1. If Palmer can somehow keep it together…
  3. New England, 6-2. Just Killing People
  4. Dallas, 6-2. His Neck. His Back. His Neck and His Back.
  5. Philadelphia, 5-2.  Not inspiring in Red Zone.
  6. Detroit, 6-2. Just a terrible win.
  7. Pittsburgh, 5-3. They’d win the AFC South
  8. Indianapolis, 5-3. That was a hiccup
  9. San Diego, 5-3. Everyone loses in Denver
  10. Buffalo, 5-3.  Why not?
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3 thoughts on “Roll Sized Results.

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