Ever been at the grocery store and see someone trying to learn how to grocery shop? I guess rolling the cart around the store can be a bit more difficult than it looks. Often it’s a mother and one of her charges, who is braving apartment living for the first time. The mother will do things like hold up a package of chicken and say, “Now you can cook this all at once and have dinner for three days!” For $11.99 that’s a life lesson in VALUE. The kid, usually a son, will nod in agreement while his mother puts the value-pak in his cart, but you can tell he’s just gazing at the frozen pizza aisle with bedroom eyes. The funny thing about these sessions is I think all parties know that nothing is really going to come of it. The kid gets one free round of groceries out of the parent and the parent gets to think that their kid won’t have the most aggressively unhealthy diet imaginable. I saw one playing out today and the parties weren’t even going through the proper motions. The mom was trying her best, but the son already had a base layer of 24-oz Monsters in his cart. They call that a lost cause. Not a lost cause? The slow burn of my NFL picks….
NFL Pick ‘EM Standings:
- Big Dub, 23-17
- Grossy, 25-20
- Nichols, 23-21-1
- DC, 18-17
- Kraft, 23-26-1
The “Fall Foliage” Pick of the Week: Philadelphia (-6). Kraft & Grossy.
I remain a force to be reckoned with on Monday night. When all my brain power focuses on one game, amazing things can happen. This game played out almost exactly how I imagined it, with Carolina looking even worse than I expected being the lone exception. Cam Newton looks like Dan Marino post-Achilles blowup, he’s a statue. It’s a shame. Also a shame? Nick Foles’ pouty face on the sideline. The guy knows he’s done here. The goof who was talking about chicken fingers on the sideline a few weeks ago is not capably filling in for him. It’s possible we’ve seen peak Foles. Next year, he’ll probably be starting in Tennessee.
The “Jay Cutler” Awful Pick of the Week: Chicago (+7). Nichols.
Sometimes it’s a shame that NFL teams don’t fully run up the score, because it would have been interesting to see how many TD passes Aaron Rodgers could have thrown. The NFL record is 7–I think–but how many times have we let off the pedal? Sometimes you have to just be selfish, Wilt Chamberlain 100 points style. This game was immediately over. I don’t even know if they got the tee off the field from the opening kickoff before anyone with Chicago money was a little queasy. I don’t think you can take the Bears right now, no matter the line, until they at least do something on the field that resembles football.
3PT D.A. of the Week: Andy Dalton.
Cam Newton had his moments on Monday night, but at least he LOOKS hurt and really this has been Dalton’s week since Thursday. It’s like he shot 59 in the first round of the U.S. Open. All he had to do was hang on. And while we should all be excited about Zack Mettenberger and the like, it’s been a nice year for D.A. veterans. The Red Rifle reminded us of a finer time this week when he wasn’t signing contract extensions and being a viable fantasy option. Such an uphill battle for ginger QBs and just when you think Dalton is over the hump–he’s suddenly not. Thursday: 10/33 for 86 yards and 3 INTs. QB rating? 2.0. The sweet symmetry. Great all-around effort.
The Definitive, Yet Arbitrary Top-10:
- New England, 7-2. In Control of AFC.
- Denver, 7-2. Great Regular Season Squad.
- Arizona, 8-1. Stanton can lead this team to 10 wins.
- Philadelphia, 7-2. Love that Sanchize pocket mobility.
- Detroit, 7-2. Worst 7-2 team EVER.
- Dallas, 7-3. Move to London full-time?
- Green Bay, 6-3. They’re coming.
- Indianapolis, 6-3. Seem a little short.
- Cleveland, 6-3. Josh Gordon Coming Soon.
- Kansas City, 6-3. Good Ole’ Fat Andy.