A Denim Dynasty.

These Two Clowns Win Again.

                                     These Two Clowns Win Again.

For the sake of historical documentation, and in case anyone is awaiting to payout their JSO Fantasy Pools, please enjoy the recap of the 2015 JSO:

The Outfits:

I hear a lot of, “Where do you come up with this stuff?”  The answer seems to be mostly, “Ebay,” and/or “South Street.”  I like to rate outfits based on how uncomfortable they make me.  Believe it or not, this was not the most uncomfortable year, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t reach new ground.  We had,

Country Music Apollo Creed:

Has Never Seen Rocky. Really.

Has Never Seen Rocky. Really.

Dee Brown Up There in his “Pumps”:

These Game Worns are Now Probably Back on Ebay.

                                These Game Worns are Now Probably Back on Ebay.

And, The Fowler Brothers:

IMG_0679

Actual Brightness.

The Rundown:

Incredibly smooth year from a logistics standpoint.  We’d like to thank Superior Bev of Phoenixville for stocking Apollo’s Jack’s Cider in cans which allows him to appease his made up gluten allergy and allows us not to break the 2nd rule of Pickering Valley–NO GLASS BOTTLES!

Also, after a summer of suffocating heat and humidity, we’d like to thank Mother Nature for once again being on the home team.  Never had a full rain out, and the high 80s low humidity on Saturday felt refreshing and was often referred to as absolute prime, “drinking weather.”

An unprecedented level of tension surrounded this year’s event after “17-Gate” from a year ago and a call for a rematch. The general consensus was that the rematch would have to come about organically on the first tee, but then the two of us showed up in the same outfit (not planned) and it just seemed to make sense.  Thus, we willingly broke a rule of the JSO for the first time.  Perhaps karma for the losers.

We received a warm reception in the parking lot, two gentleman in particular were really feeling the patriotic vibe, and the “If Golf Was Easy, It’d Be Your Mom,” t-shirt created a lot of photo requests.  Unfortunately, our old friend behind the counter was not in attendance. We fear he may have left to take the lucrative Head Pro’s Position at Waltz’s Golf Farm.

The only other change this year was, of course, the ceremonial first tee-ball, which was struck in appropriately formal attire:

Right Down the Middle.

Right Down the Middle.

The Pick was a little crowded this year, which led us to having to let a few groups play through to keep it social, the first of which was a grandfather/grandson(?) combination that we horrified on the 3rd tee.  Were they playing through or running for their lives?

The theme of the day was incredible golf.  The level of play, with no sacrifice to the drinking was outrageous.  The 4th hole was tied with birdies.  On the famous equalizer, Putters Only #6, Apollo Creed struck a prodigious blow for America in the war on Terror and knocked his putter a good 200 yards just over the green.  Perhaps even more surprisingly, he was able to take only two more shots from there for a historic par.  It put his team 2-up after 6.

The holes 7-10 have emerged in recent years as what I’d like to call the Refreshment Stabilization Zone.  During this stretch the body is catching up to the influx of liquid goodness, and sometimes things can get a little. strange.  Especially for Dee Brown.  The pumps were extra slick on the 8th hole as Dee took two tumbles, which led to zero Great Shot Points, but still somehow was a birdie–the Fowler Bros halved.  Again amazing golf.  Nine was more of the same as two more birdies were made, one an improbable 12-footer after a pop over the tree and a topped tee-shot.  A net birdie is still a “3” on the card, and the winners turned 1-up in a glittering 35.

Halfway House Order:

  1. 12 Coors Lights
  2. 4 Waters
  3. 3, 4, 5  6 hot dogs
  4. Assorted Lance Crackers
  5. (1) bag Potato Chips
  6. Candy

The Eagle and The Deja Vu:

After pulling even, we were again victims of JSO history as Apollo Creed nearly drove the cozy 12th green and then fell ass-backwards into his 70-footer for eagle.  The first eagle in the history of the JSO, and a timely one for the Freedom Fighters as they’d go on to lose a ball on 13 and generally fall apart before which 16–which has become their strategy.  This of course brings us to Beer Par–#16.

Perhaps you remember as a dedicated follower of the JSO that things unraveled for the Fowler Bros on 16 last year when they opted not to match a beer par and lost in extra holes.  WELP, this year we decided to at least make a run at Beer Par, at the very least thinking we’d incapacitate 1/2 of our opposition.  One Beer-Birdie later, our 2-up lead had been cut in half.

The Water Bottle Tee Shot Owes Me One.

The Water Bottle Tee Shot Owes Me One.

The seventeenth was halved and after two decent shots on 18 I had two putts from about 40 feet to win the JSO and I failed miserably with a 3-jack and I’ll be sitting on that for the next year.  Tough to swallow even after a lot of solid shots and putts throughout the day.  The playoff took us back to 16, which as I type this is obviously a jinxed hole for the Fowler Bros.  The stink of Beer Par must still be on the teebox for the playoff…and this year we fell victim once again to the silky left-handed putting stroke of Dee Brown and had to watch a celebration on the 19th green.  Ouch.

Post-Round Coverage:

Big shout out to Pepperoncini’s in Phoenixville for unknowingly becoming the host of the JSO After-Party.  Three Years running.  This year we were blessed with tremendous live entertainment as the musician played all our requests as we shouted them out (politely??) from the dining room.  This included a stirring rendition of Zombie by the Cranberries.  You had to be there.

See Everyone in 2016.

See Everyone in 2016.