What happened to Matt Schaub? Really. Ok, so maybe he wasn’t ever going to win you a Super Bowl, but he certainly wasn’t a consistent D.A. performer. He’s been on the fringes, at best, for the history of the league. He’s kind of like the poor man’s Matt Stafford. Sure, there are some bad games here or there, but he could also throw for 400 yards at the drop of a hat. Something isn’t right with the Texans’ offense. Does anyone actually watch the Texans? is it all Schaub’s fault?
For our purposes, we’re going to assume it’s all Schaub’s fault. That’s the narrative that supports our mission here. And last week, the effort that produced the sign above, you could certainly argue that it was all on Matty Buckles. That was one backbreaking pick-6, but the one he threw this week had to be equally deflating. Here we go again. We’re watching the worst stretch of Schaub’s career unfold before our eyes. He is on a pretty tough run of defenses: Tennessee, Baltimore, Seattle and SF. In the secondary-less NFL that’s about as hard as it’s going to get, but like I said, something isn’t right with Schaub. The confidence may be rattled. The Texans had no shot in SF and I think everyone, including bald Joe Flacco, knew it before the coin toss. The result: 19-35, 0TDs, 3 INTs, 1 Pick-6 and a meaty 32.2 QB rating. Matt Schaub, ladies and gentlemen!
D.A. Fantasy Football Standings:
- Team Horse Face, 4-1
- Eli Esses D, 3-2
- D.A.iry Queen, INC, 3-2
- Fake Chow, 2-3
- Happy Valley Tickle Monsters, 2-3
- Carlos Danger, 2-3
- Doubleback Vineyards, 2-3
- Tampa TIcklesh*ts, 2-3
D.A. Quick Summaries:
Tampa Ticklesh*ts upsets Undefeated Horse Face, -3.25 to -21 in a Stinker.
D.A. is wide open and look no further than this game. Horse Face, riding a huge winnings streak dating back to last year was showing no signs of trouble, but suddenly BOOM–Geno Smith, -18 points. That stings, especially on a Monday night. The disgusting competence of Smith allowed Tampa to sneak into the fringes of contention with a second straight win. Ryan Tannehill was the top performer in this mess with a measly 9.75 points.
D.A.iry Queen, INC gets by Happy Valley TIckle Monsters, 21 to (-17)
Solid performance for DQ, who noses above .500 with a pretty easy win. Kick-started by 14 points from EJ Manuel on Thursday, DQ used Colin Kaepernick’s inactivity on Sunday to pad their total a bit. For HVTM Carson Palmer was solid, but Jay Cutler continues to throw for too many yards (-30 points) and not enough picks to be a viable D.A. option.
Eli Esses D Takes Down Carlos Danger in 53.25 to 42 Thriller.
This is what you wish all D.A. games could be. No negative points. High scores, terrible play. Carlos, not surprisingly, snapped up Ryan Fitzpatrick with the second pick and the genius rewarded him with 36 points. First start in a while, immediately produces. That’s what we like to see. But, Fitzy’s performance was negated by the D.A. of the Week. Matt Schaub’s 41 points led the league and a mediocre game from Andy Dalton wasn’t enough to make up the difference for C-Danger.
Doubleback Vineyards Stays Alive with 47.75 to (-33) rout of Fake Chow.
When people ask me about D.A. I don’t have a lot of great strategies to give them. I preach inaccuracy, but the real rule of the league might be, “never leave a Jacksonville QB on the table.” Regardless of who it is. There was no way I was passing with the 1st pick, and Gabbert responded in style with 32 points and another benching. What’s going to happen in Denver this week? Oh my. Fake Chow got a huge game out of Eli Manning, but that was negated by Tony Romo and one of the worst games in D.A. history. 500 yards don’t help. At all.
Week Six Draft Order:
- Horse Face
- Fake Chow
Week Six Matchups:
- Happy Valley Tickle Monsters vs. Eli Esses D.
- D.A.iry Queen INC, vs. Tampa Ticklesh*ts
- Doubleback Vineyards vs. Team Horse Face
- Fake Chow vs. Carlos Danger