And, The World Ran Out of Kazaam Jokes.

Where Will Shaq Turn Up Next?

I guess it is a shame that when I heard Shaq was retiring my first thought was, “oh yeah, he did play this year.”  Shaq put a beating on his career averages the last couple of seasons in truly Shaq fashion.  Not many players would admit they were tarnishing their legacy by trying to cherry pick an extra title or two.  Maybe Shaq realized that when it all boils down, the first thing people will say is that he won four rings.  Five, or six would have sounded even better, no matter the role he played on those final teams.

The greatest thing about Shaquille O’Neal was that he did whatever he wanted, and never blinked at the criticism.  You think he doesn’t know his rap albums were awful?  Or what about that video game, Shaq Fu?  Shaq was all about flexing his muscle. He’s probably sitting there thinking, can I get a video game made called Shaq Fu?  So, he tries it and pulls it off, just because he was Shaq.  The guy was such a character that I think some people will forget how dominant he was.  The nicknames, the sound bites, and of course, Kazaam, are all attached to his resume along with some astonishing numbers. The guy was a physical force of nature.

Not sure what will be next for the big fella, but I know we’re going to see him somewhere.  I don’t think Shaq is capable of fading away.  He’s like Hulk Hogan.  He’ll have a reality show.  Or, he’ll be in someone’s studio, but I think Shaq will always be around.  The real question is, can he gain weight faster than Charles Barkley?


And, on the First Day of June, God said, “You Need a Goalie.”

I didn’t watch all of the hockey game last night.  In fact, I missed the majority of it, but when I did turn it on, it became a dizzying display of elite goaltending.  Tim Thomas at the start of the 3rd period had me scratching my head, and Roberto Luongo was making brilliant saves at well.  It made me think there might not be a truer axiom in sport than you need a goalie to win the Stanley Cup.  Sure, last year wasn’t a great example, but there will always be exceptions.  But more so than a quarterback winning a Super Bowl, or a lights-out bullpen locking down a World Series, or defense winning an NBA Title, I think you must have a goalie.  Look at the play that had to come together last night to get one goal on the board.  I hope the Flyers were watching.


Hilariously Bad Betting, Day 9.  

I think I missed the under by double digits last night, which is hard to do in any sport, let alone baseball.  There were plenty of unders to choose from yesterday too, and I just, well, did not pick the right game.  Kyle Drabek, I thought we were friends.  You are no Vance Worley, Sir.

Today’s Selection:  Seattle and Tampa Under 6.5

Big Game James Shields and the King.  When you are backed into a corner, you have to go New Chalk City.


Wanted to get that out there, because this will probably be my only post of the day.  Oh, playing golf on this fine humidity-free day?  Nope, going to the Devon Horse Show.  Where Champions Meet.  Perhaps you’ve heard of it.  More than likely, you haven’t.  It gives the aristocracy a chance to rub elbows with me.  If there was a list of people who had spent the most time at horse shows without ever actually riding a horse, I might be at the top of that list.  I am bursting at the seams with equine knowledge, which almost no one would suspect and that allows me to look smarter than I actually am.  The Devon Horse Show is really a triumph of Main Line pomp and circumstance mixed in with horse people, who are an interesting bunch.  Back in the day, my favorite part of the show was the midway, and more specifically, “The Birthday Game.”

The Birthday Game was simple.  You put 50 cents on a square that had a month or holiday on it, and then someone tossed a 20-sided die/ball into a little pit.  If the month or holiday you picked came up, you won.  Simple and yet, for a carnival game, shockingly straight-forward and fair.  They had a great guy working the mic, too.  He’d say, “Step right up, come right in, you’re just in time for this one.  It’s the Birthday Game, the Anniversary Game.  It’s half a buck to try your luck, the ball does the rest.”  He would say this 1.3 million times a day.  Anyway, the Birthday Game doesn’t exist anymore.  Total horse bleep.

A new Mistake by the Lake?

Kazaam!  Shaq to Cleveland.

Kazaam! Shaq to Cleveland.

I’m trying to think of how this move can help the Cavs.  Is Shaq better than big Z?  I guess, maybe, is he?  I’m not sure.  Shaq is a mystery.  A giant, lovable mystery.  I would actually like to see this work out.  Shaq and LeBron could probably team up for some hilarious commercials and pregame skits.  What kind work they’ll do on the court remains to be seen.

Does Shaq still guard people?  I’m assuming the Cavs are looking for a player to hinder Dwight Howard’s domination, but is Shaq capable of that at this point of his career?  I don’t know.  He’s not going to have to give them much offensively, but he should be able to catch passes and dunk the ball when LeBron feeds it to him.  That may be an upgrade from Z.  Other than that, the trade is sexy as hell, but Shaq isn’t guarding anyone on the perimeter or anything  like that.  He’s not going to stop Rashard Lewis from going 84/87 from downtown. 

I know there’s not a ton of information in this post, but it’s 1 in the morning, and I don’t know anything about basketball.  Talk amongst yourselves.  Someone cut and paste the Sports Guy’s article in the comment section.  For more better funnier stuff, scroll down a bit, I was more awake when I wrote that rubbish.