D.A. Fantasy Football — Week 14.

Bravo, Sir.

The Best D.A. Game Ever Played:  December 2nd, 2012.  

I went back tonight and tried to find the true origins of D.A. Fantasy Football.  Derek Anderson had his now historic performance on October 11th, 2009.  The next day I made note of the performance, but there was no mention of incorporating it into a fantasy league.  To recap, because it will never cease to be funny, DA was 2 of 17 for 23 yards on that day in a hard-fought, 6-3 win over the Bills.  But what did the Bills QB do, aside from lose to that DA performance?  Well, the starter was the one and only Trent Edwards.  Edwards was 16 of 31 for a gaudy 152 yards.  Given the significance of DA’s effort, you could argue that this was the worst quarterbacked game in recent history.  Then Sunday happened.

How lucky did we have to be to witness the intersection of Sanchez and Lindley?  What are the chances these two guys hook up?  Different conferences, vastly different career arcs.  How many games is Lindley going to start in his career?  Will Sanchez ever be lower than he was on Sunday?  Every single thing had to go right to set up the match up, and then everything went right on the field after that.  I have no doubt this was the worst quarterbacked game played in the NFL in the last several years.  How do I know for sure?  Greg McElroy was the best QB in the game–by a long shot.  The defense rests.

The Runner Up:  Ryan Lindley.

Lindley is the defending D.A. winner and was appreciably worse this past Sunday.  He was 10/31.  He threw for 72 yards. He easily led the league with 52 D.A. points–an astronomical number.  So, how does he not win the award for the second straight week?  Because if the Jets had stuck with their starter, Lindley would have won the game!

3-PT D.A. of the Week:  Mark Sanchez

It’s been fashionable to belittle Sanchez for years.  From his questionable choice in magazine spreads to his penchant for 4-INT games, Sanchez has been a whipping boy since day one.  Thing is, he may have actually taken more heat than he deserved for a long time.  He certainly was never a great QB, but for a while there you could win games with Mark Sanchez.  Now?  A hollow shell.  Was it Tebow?  Are the Jets that much more awful around him?  Whatever it was, it all came to a head on Sunday.  The man who Rex Ryan refused to bench for so long was benched.  He was benched in favor of a 3rd string QB who was the Trent Dilfer of the SEC.  If Greg McElroy takes your job–you should retire.  The specifics on Sanchez?  10 of 21, 97 yards, 3 INTs, 3 sacks, 0 Butt Fumbles.  Both starting QBs under 100 yards?  Is it 1943?

***

D.A. Quick Summaries:  

Kraft Continues Playing Spoiler with 36.75 to (20.5) Win over Eli Esses D.  

Highlights:  Kraft was lucky enough to have the Talented Mr. Lindley this week.  Those 52 points were more than enough. The real question is, how did Lindley slip to #3?  Big Dub was done in by Brandon Weeden’s dominance in Oakland.

Team Horse Face Rolls Happy Valley Tickle Monsters, 77 to 21.5.

Highlights:  A week after falling into a tie for 1st, Horse Face explodes with a monster win.  He had Sanchez, and an especially terrible Jake Locker.  Sorry Jake, maybe next week you can get some pub.  HVTM’s week was over when he selected the resurgent Charlie Batch #1.

Fake Chow Clinches Playoff Berth with 57 to 28.5 Win over Shiva Cry

Highlights:  Fake Chow hasn’t always piled up the points, but had a big week when they needed one here.  There was beautiful symmetry to Christian Ponder’s 28 points and Ryan Tannehill’s 29.  Shiva, losers of 4 straight, got all their points from Philip Rivers.

Neckbeards keeps Microscopic Hopes Alive with 21 to (9) Win over Doubleback Vineyards

Highlights:  Neckbeards cruelly used Chad Henne against me and piled up 41 points.  That was more than enough as somehow Nick Foles (-13 points) didn’t turn the ball over.  What?

***

D.A. Standings:

1. Team Horse Face*, 9-4 (352 points)
2. Fake Chow*, 9-4 (203.75 points)
3. The Shiva Cry, 7-6 (352 points)
4. Eli Esses D, 6-7 (269.5 points)
5. Doubleback Vineyards, 6-7 (219.25 points)
6. Neckbeards and Codeine, 6-7 (28 points)
7. Kraft-z, 5-8 (206.25 points)
8. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters-z, 4-9 (110.75 points)

*Clinched Playoff Berth

z-Eliminated From Playoff Contention

Playoff Scenarios:

Barring two historic point totals, the winner of the Eli Esses D v. Doubleback Vineyards game will make the playoffs along with Shiva Cry.  The 1st seed is still up for grabs, and the regular season winner gets to pick their opponent in round 1 of the playoffs and sets the draft order.  Neckbeards and Codeine needs to win, and score somewhere around 275 points to make the post-season.  Before you write this off, if Ryan Lindley goes 9-46 for 32 yards and 5 INTs (2 pick-6s), 4 Sacks and 2 Lost Fumbles in a loss next week–that’s 133 points right there. Halfway home!

Week 14 Draft Order:

1. Brian
2. Kraft
3. Will
4. BK
5. Gross
6. Nichols
7. DC
8. JCK

Week 14 Games:

1. Eli Esses D vs. Doubleback Vineyards
2. Fake Chow vs. Neckbeards and Codeine
3. Happy Valley Tickle Monsters vs. The Shiva Cry
4. Team Horse Face vs. Kraft