900 Ways to Make a Bogey.

The Easiest Score to Make.

I made a lot of bogeys today.  My game is in a state where I currently am more concerned with how I am hitting the ball than the actual number 0n the card.  In fact, with a handicap that needs some carbo-loading the best case scenario for my game is that I stripe it and shoot a million.  I’m not going to say I striped it today, but I did hit some conspicuously long 3-woods and some on-line iron shots.  Unfortunately, the majority of these iron shots ended up 1/2 club short and I got up and down 0 times out of, well, I missed a bunch of greens.   At one point pulling up to the next tee box I said apropos of nothing but my scorecard, “900 ways to make a bogey.”  It made me think I should do a post about the intricacies of making bogey.  There might not be 900 ways, but there are a bunch.  Here’s a walkthrough…

1st Hole Specials: Ways not to make a 10 on the first hole.

The First Hole Bogey:  You take some astronomical number of shots, usually involving multiple tee shots and a generous gimme, and still take a bogey.  The reasoning?  Can’t take double on the first hole.  Have I ever done this?  Probably.

Mully Bogey:  Tee shot off the planet, re-tee (no penalty) and proceed to make one of the following types of bogey.  This is the score I make on the first hole of approximately 10% of my rounds of golf.  To cast myself in a slightly better light, I made a regulation USGA par on the first hole today.

Routine Bogeys: The Following Bogeys are your pedestrian bogeys.  They require no real flair for the dramatic.  They are the nuts and bolts of the bogey train.

3-Putt Bogey:  The ball striker’s bogey.  My blog has its title for a reason.  I three putt all the time.  It’s a constant occurrence.  If you get tired of watching Jimmy Rollins hit pop-ups, you’d get tired of playing golf with me.  Just kidding, I’m amazing to play with.

Punch Out Bogey:  You hit your tee shot behind a tree, into the hay, onto another fairway, regardless you cannot reach the surface.  Luckily, there is always a seam.  You knock it back into play, knock it on and smoothly two-jack for bogey.

The Always Chasing It Bogey:  Your tee shot is in play (kind of).  You try to maneuver something up toward the green, but you don’t get there.  You then chunk wedge to 28 feet and two-putt for bogey.

The Non-GIR Bogey:  Beautiful tee shot.  You then fan/skull/chunk/block/underclub your second and end up just off the green.  You do not get up and in for par.

The Lateral Hazard Bogey:  You rip a tee shot into a creek, but you caught enough of it that you can take your drop, knock it on and two-putt for a nice bogey.

The Gimme Bogey:  You have golfed your ball “par” number of times.  You are looking at a putt of some arbitrary distance and you give yourself that putt.  You either pick it up, or do some kind of one-handed, eyes closed flail at it and then pick it up.  Please note that you must give the putt to yourself.

Creative Bogeys:

The “Lateral Hazard” Bogey:  Similar to the method above, but you don’t actually hit the ball in a lateral hazard.  You hit your ball OB, lose it, hit it into a water hazard, whatever.  Then, you take a 1-shot penalty, an illegal drop, knock it on and two-putt for bogey.

The Two-Chip Bogey:  Around the green in two shots (on a par 4), you perhaps find yourself in a bunker.  You then leave it in the bunker.  Or you skull it across the green.  Or, you get cute with a flop.  You have to chip again.  This time you knock it up there stony like you’re Gary Player and tap-in for bogey.  The rich man’s 2-chip, 2-putt double.

The 2nd Ball Birdie:  First tee shot goes out of the golfing boundaries.  Then you become a tour star.  Playing by the rules you birdie your 2nd ball for a smooth bogey.  This was the first hole of my college career.  Par-5.  Two-Iron a mile OB left, 2 iron down the gut, 2 iron just short, chip to 4 inches, bingo.

The 4-Putt Bogey:  There’s always consolation to be had in such endeavors.  At least you’ve driven a par-4 or hit a par-5 in two.  You might be thinking, this sounds a little ridiculous.  Let me take you to the Tryall Club in Jamaica.  I’ve ridden the trade winds onto a par-5 in two shots.  From 10-feet above the hole the worst caddy on the island, Jasbo, says, “It’s fast.” No sh*t.  My birdie putt coming back was from about 30 feet.  Use your imagination for the rest.

The Hole-Out Bogey:  I was going to break this up into the chip-in and hole-out, but the point is the same.  You are not on the putting surface and have already achieved “par.”  At that point you channel Ray Floyd and jar it from somewhere.  I think the most satisfying way to do this would be to hole out your 3rd attempt from a greenside bunker.

The “Didn’t Make Bogey” Bogey:  You just lie.  Period.  No frills. Not the 1st hole, nothing.

I think that about covers it for what I can think of tonight.  Feel free to contribute your own, or some more detailed variations on the bogeys above.

 

 

 

A Pretty Good Baseball Series.

Bonding Over a Mutual Distaste for Nick Swisher?

Tomorrow the city of champions (self-attributed) will pay a visit to the city of pitching (bitterly self-attributed).  It will be sold as a World Series preview, but it doesn’t have to be that to be an interesting series.  Since starting the season 2-10, the Red Sox have been the best team in the American League.  The Phillies have spent the majority of the season atop the National League standings and currently own the best record in all of baseball.  The Sox are one of the few teams that haven’t been swallowed up by the league-wide shortage in runs. The Phillies rotation has Jayson Stark thumbing through the annals of baseball reference once a week to look up some new stat.  The series will have the attention of the city.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the regular season attendance record was broken once, twice, or even all three days for this series. Some thoughts, in no particular order:

The Phillies should be thankful Roy Halladay isn’t pitching.  Big Roy has Omar Daal-ian career numbers against the Sox, and if my memory serves me, was knocked around in Boston last year.  It’s not like you’d sit Halladay if these teams met in the World Series, but missing his spot in the rotation for this match-up isn’t the end of the world.  Considering its current makeup, this may be the best alignment for the Phillies staff against the Red Sox.

I already read one article in the paper today making villains out of Boston fans.  Coming from us, that’s akin to calling your identical twin the ugliest person in the world.  Right now people in Philadelphia are jealous of the titles Boston is winning, and in baseball they are jealous of the Red Sox offense.  If you asked people if they’d rather the Phillies hit like Boston but were tied in the division instead of 5 games ahead with their current list of mashers, most would take the offense.  This little glimpse at a high-scoring team will pull at the heartstrings for Phillies fans and make them dream of 2007-2008.

Every time Boston comes to town it should be a reminder that we probably give coaches way too much credit for the wins and way too much blame for the losses.  Terry Francona was hated in this town to near Rich Kotite levels.  A baseball fan in Philadelphia wouldn’t have trusted “Tito” to pump their gas.  It was an uproarious error of the greatest magnitude here when Boston brought Francona in to manage their big budget roster.  Enjoy mediocrity, we said, right before the Sox ended their historic drought.  Then they won another to eliminate the fluke factor.  I think a lot of people have forgotten about Francona now, just like they’ve forgotten they used to loathe Charlie Manuel, but just something to think about.

Here’s something that just popped into my mind.  Will Adrian Gonzalez look scarier in a Red Sox uniform?  We’ve seen Gonzalez in the past.  For me, he’s a little bit like the Greg Maddux of hitting.  Oh, another line drive.  I don’t think anyone quakes when Gonzalez comes to the plate, but then you look up, and he’s killing you.  Maybe that was a result of him playing in San Diego, though.  Out there, you could get cute with him, and the games against the Padres certainly didn’t feel this significant.  Is Gonzalez still a silent assassin, or will there be a couple of at-bats in this series where some classic Philly pessimism portends doom as he comes to the plate?

I’m excited for the series.  Two great pitching match-ups and one very sketchy one.  One thing I might be looking forward to the most is that if the Phillies can win, regardless of how pretty it is, it should shut people up for a while.  If you beat the Red Sox in a series hopefully it won’t be populated with “buts.”  Of course, if the Phillies lose the series, brace yourself, because it’ll probably get pretty ugly, unless they lose every game 9-8, then it’ll be dancing in the streets.

***

Quiz of the Day:  50 Largest U.S. Cities Minefield.  Category: New York and 49 Other Cities.  My Score: 27/50.

Read the directions.  I bombed this one.  Badly.  Not because I didn’t read the directions, but because I decided to try to get cute for no reason.  Shame.  A golden opportunity to beat me.  An academic lay-up.  Happy Monday.

***

I’m headed out to play golf this afternoon (Fore in the Fescue!).  Who knows how that will go.  Hopefully, I can break 90. Talk amongst yourselves.